⚠️use of the f-slur, physical abuse and mentions of self-harm⚠️
When we got to Keiths house we didnt think much of it. We went up to his room and hung out, talked, etc.
I thought of it as just a normal day with my best friend but Keith thought otherwise.
I dont know why but Keith always gave me this weird feeling. But, i don't like him. I mean, i dont know..i could? I've never had feelings for someone so i dont know what it could possibly feel like.
Keith grabbed my shoulders and shook me slightly. "Hey? You there? Earth to Natalie~" He sung.
I snapped back to reality and looked at Keith. "oh- sorry..i zoned out."
He chuckled and said, "it's alright."
I laughed a bit and we went back to doing whatever we were doing.
-Time Skip-
{9 p.m.}
Keith had fallen asleep right next to me. I mean, he was hugging me so tight that i couldn't move. I didn't mind it..i liked being close to him. I wanted to stay like this forever..but i knew it wasn't possible. I rubbed Keiths head as he slept peacefully. Eventually, i looked at my phone to see what time it was and i saw the time.
My eyes widened a bit, "oh shit." I then looked at Keith and whispered to him.
"Keith..wake up, wake up."
He woke up and looked at me. "hm?" he let go of me and sat up.
"what's wrong-?" He asked.
"I need to go home, its 9 o'clock"
He nodded and got off the bed.
"I'll walk you home, even though you live right across from me."
I grabbed my shit off of the floor and nodded. "Okay."
After I grabbed all of my stuff we both rushed downstairs and started walking across the street.
"You'll be fine." Keith repeatedly said this. I knew he could tell or at least feel that i was panicking. I was supposed to be home hours ago. I was just hoping that Keith was right. I was hoping that my mom didnt notice that i was gone for so long.
I sighed and walked onto my front porch, waving at Keith as he walked back to his house.
I took a deep breath and walked into the house.
"Hey, where the fuck have you been?" i heard a stern voice call out from the kitchen.
"i was at Keith's house.." I stated.
She started walking towards me. "why do you still hang out with that fag? what's so special about him anyways?" She said.
I looked down and stated, "he isn't a fag, mom. And he's my best friend. He's always been there for me when you weren't."
She started to speak but i ignored her. I went to walk upstairs to my room but she grabbed my wrist. She had a pretty strong grip around it too.
"Let me go.." I looked up at her.
"No. Not until you listen to your mother." She said, in a serious tone.
I had enough of this bullshit.
"Well, that's not going to be anytime soon because i don't consider you to be a 'mom.' I don't know how i can still call you that shit. After dad left you started to become more of a shitty person than you already were! I hate you..i fucking hate you!" I yelled out, tears starting to stream down my face.
"Now..let me go." I said before it happened.
She smiled and the grip she had around my wrist became stronger.
"You know, there's so much shit i've hidden from you. Your dad left and he's not coming back anytime soon. And it's all your fault. I hate you. This is all your fault. Maybe if you weren't so fucking sad and disobedient all of the fucking time this would've never happened!" She stated.
I froze, tears still running down my face. "its..my fault?"
She let go of my wrist.
"its MY FUCKING FAULT?!"
She looked down at me and stated, "yes, completely yours."
I was sobbing at this point, everytime i spoke my voice cracked.
"How the fuck is it my fault?!!" I asked.
She grabbed my neck, choking me.
I grabbed her hands trying to stop her but i was weak. I couldn't breath.
She then got closer to my face. I could smell the fucking alcohol in her breath.
"you were a fucking mistake." She stated before dropping me on the ground and walking back to the kitchen.
I sat on the ground, coughing and gasping for air. I just sat on the floor, crying. Her voice just get repeating in my head. I got up and ran to my room, closing the door and locking it.
I rummaged through the drawers in my desk. I had to do it, i couldn't hold back. I needed to feel something. I grabbed my razor blade and rolled my sleeve up, looking for the spot to do it. But right as i was going to cut into my skin, my phone rung.
I looked to see who it was and it was Keith. And a facetime call too. I rolled my sleeve down and put the razor blade back where i got it from and answered, wiping my tears. All I could hear was her voice.
"You were a fucking mistake." Repeated in my head. Again and again. I couldn't unhear it.
I tried so hard not to break down into tears right then and there. She almost fucking killed me too. But Keith could tell i was upset.
When he simply asked "what's wrong?" i'd change the subject.
Now, i know that i said Keith knew everything about my life but i lied. Yeah, he knows about my dad and my shitty mom but he doesn't know that i self-harm. Whenever it's a hot and bright sunny day he'll ask..
"Why are you wearing a hoodie? it's a good 90 degrees out today."
But all i'd say was, "It's not that hot. Plus, i'd rather be comfortable."
And he'd just nod, not asking anything of it. I dont want to tell him but i know he's gonna figure it out sooner or later.
We talked for a bit but he got tired so he hung up and went straight to sleep. I decided to do the same. I layed in my bed, covering myself with the blankets. I sighed, hoping tomorrow would be better. And i went to sleep.
I fell asleep, thinking about Keith.
What if i do have feelings for him?
no way.
To be continued..
/1112 words/
