Someone asked me to explain what love disguises itself as. I thought about it for a while because there could be so many answers. I mean, what doesn't love disguise itself as. It took me some time to figure it out but eventually, I was finally able to give an answer.
There is no complicated explanation, nor is it a trick question. Love simply does not disguise itself. Love is intense. Love is not something that can be hidden, love is open. It's unconditional, appreciating someone when they're at their best and even more when they're at their worst. Love is evident. It's the little things. The car rides to nowhere just to spend time with you. The phone calls just to hear about your day. The melting at the sight of your smile. The safe and secure feeling I get from being around you. Love has no single explanation really, it just is.
I had an epiphany. It was at this moment I finally realized you did not love me. Perhaps you did for a little while, in the beginning maybe. But not now. There is no way in hell you can call whatever emotion it is that you display towards me love. If you loved me you would say it, you would show it. You wouldn't hide me. You would show me off like you show off your Gucci belt, or your Benz, or your Rolex. Instead you just keep me in your pocket and take me out when it's convenient for you. Why is it that you can love a material item more than you love me? Why does a watch hold a bigger place in your heart than I do? Do you understand that these things have no presence? Yes, that belt will hold your pants up but who's gonna hold YOU up? That car won't hug you. That watch won't love you. But I will. It might be unrequited but I'll still love you.
From a distance now though because I have to get out. You're destroying my heart. Or I'm destroying my heart by loving you but either way it has to be done. You made me afraid to love anyone the way I loved you. But my heart has no fear so I will love again.
I'll start with me. You broke me but time heals. I'm gonna pay more attention to my wants and needs. I'll spend time with myself and get to know me better. I'm making a promise to myself to be the love I've always wanted to receive. I hope you also take time to heal. Maybe all this time what you needed was to be taught how to love instead of having it just thrown at you. I hope you take time to learn. I hope one day you can open your heart to someone. I hope that whoever comes after me is able to make you do that. This is goodbye my love.
-k.w
