Belladonna (Tom Holland)

Epilogue: 2 Years Later

The clamor of the room became almost unbearable. Maybe it was because I had been here for the past three hours and desperately wanted to leave and return to my cats, or maybe it was because I had seen one of many ghosts from my past. However, this wasn't a ghost I was afraid of; in fact, I was almost elated to see him. Though he didn't notice me at first, I watched as Jacob conversed with my boss and his wife, a glass of champagne held in his hands.

    When I first saw him, I did a double take, unsure of what my eyes had shown me. I thought maybe it was another hallucination, but I hadn't had one in a year. I won't lie, my time working for the Holland organization ended up coming back to bite me in the ass the moment I left Tom's office. It was probably because I was constantly in his presence that the dreams never showed up. However, the second I left his office with the promise of returning once I was ready, I fell asleep at my apartment and was plagued with the memories. At first it was simple. I was sixteen again and my father was taking me out for the last time; they were the dreams I had after he died. But then they evolved. It turned into me reliving Tom kidnapping me and Lorenzo kidnapping me. I felt the knife tear into my leg night after night for more than a year. By the time I woke up, I hated Tom all over again.

    I'll be honest, I think the only reason I forgave him was because of my therapist. After the third month of having the dreams, I called for an appointment and met with her. It felt like a weight was lifted, the moment I told her everything that had gone down, telling her about my life. She was bound by oath to not speak of anything I said, so I saw no reason to hide. I had all these pent up emotions since I was sixteen and I was finally letting them out. The first session lasted nearly three hours and I had to apologize profusely for taking so much of her time.

    We met daily for the first month. I would clock out at the publishing agency I worked at, take the subway to her office, and we would both go through my traumatic experiences bit by bit, each of my decisions were now being psychoanalyzed, comforting me with the knowledge that I wasn't crazy, but alerting me with the knowledge that I was broken. However, I could live with being broken, because that meant I still had a chance of being fixed.

    It took two years to consider myself fixed. The dreams were gone and I forgave myself for anything I had done. I looked in the mirror and I told myself that I loved me without a drop of dishonesty. I had a job I absolutely adored and a life away from everything I knew prior. It was what I wanted ever since I went into the Program and though my goals were now mundane, they were extraordinary in my eyes. I didn't have to go shopping without looking behind me every so often. I didn't jump every time a phone rang, and my gut didn't drop after being called Bella. Bella wasn't a secret any more. It was who I am. Bella wasn't some mobster's daughter or a dangerous liaison. Bella was an editor and a cat mom. Bella liked yoga and running shorts. She liked living for the sake of living, and not living for the sake of survival.

    After watching him for a moment or two, I gathered the courage to walk up to my boss and greet him with a kiss on the cheek. "Bella!" he said excitedly, "This launch party's absolutely magnificent, wouldn't you think?" I nodded in agreement, "I'll give your compliments to the hosts. I just came over to tell you that the presentation should be starting soon." He nodded and said, "I'm so sorry, I must seem so rude! Bella, this is Jacob Batalon. He's a representative from one of our parent companies. Jacob, this is Bella Dante, the absolute best editor in the country." Jacob locked eyes with mine and I suppressed the need to hug him. Instead, I opted for a crisp handshake, blushing at my boss's compliment. "Pleasure to meet you," I said, gritting my teeth. "And you too," Jacob let go of the handshake and my hand felt empty.

    "You said the presentation starts soon? Well I guess I must go, Jacob. We'll speak later if that's alright with you," my boss squeezed Jacob's shoulder before he and his wife left to the podium, leaving Jacob and I alone. The moment the coast was clear, we broke whatever character we were playing and hugged one another as tightly as we could. I closed my eyes and melted into the embrace, as if hugging Jacob was like returning home. "I've missed you, you know," he said, "The organization's not the same. Harrison's somehow even more of an asshole and don't get me started on Tom."