Hierarchy of Need [t.r]

Dear Elio

Dear Elio,

Now I know what you're thinking, really Del? A letter? That's your goodbye? Yes, it's my goodbye and I'm sorry but I suck at saying it so I thought I'd write it down. Writing it gave me time to think and truly express everything I want to say to you. And if I'm being honest, yours has been the hardest to write.

You deserve so much more than pieces of parchment as a farewell, but I fear it's all that I can substantially offer. So here I go, embarrassing myself with my feelings and my god awful handwriting. (I know you think it's funny but if you laugh I swear to god I'll find someway to smack you.)

My wonderful, beautiful Elio. I respect you as much as I love you, and that is saying something. It ails me that you might believe I don't love you or that I ever have. But I do, truly. I love you. I need you to know that, okay? And I'm sorry I couldn't do better, but I love you.

You, of all people I know, will get through my leaving. I know it. After all, you've gone through nearly a year with me, and that's no easy feat. I know I was a handful, a bitch sometimes, and distant. I didn't give my whole self to you when that's what you deserved. And I'm a fucking idiot. I have been so lucky to know you. You have been my steady rock, my gentle giant, and my best friend. Elio Rosier you have been my everything. I wish you a happy life, full of love and joy.

You deserve it.

Please, please, enjoy life. Don't wallow over my being gone. I wouldn't be able to stand it. Take it by both hands, grab it, shake it and believe in every second of it. Adore your lover, for I know in my heart you'll find someone who will love you so fully and completely it'll make your bones rattle and your heart cry.

Embrace your loved one and if they cannot embrace you back, they're a fucking idiot and you will find someone who will. Everyone deserves to love and be loved in return. Don't settle for less.

Find a job you enjoy, but don't become a slave to it. I will personally haunt you if I find out 'I wish I'd done more' is on your headstone. Dance, laugh and eat with your friends. True, honest, strong friendships are an utter blessing, a bond isn't having to share a loyalty with people because there happens to be link through blood or fear.

Choose wisely then treasure them with all the love you can muster. I know our friends will take care of you, and you shall care for them in return. We all love you, deeply with all our hearts. And I know you won't believe me, but Tom is fond of you. The bastard would never admit it, but it's true.

Surround yourself with beautiful things. Life has a lot of grey and sadness, look for that light and grab hold of it. There's beauty in everything, sometimes you just have to look a little harder to see it. And I know right now that might be hard, but I promise it's worth it.

I don't suppose, or I hope, that there's not any chance of anything happening to me. I know I suck at being cautious but for you I promise I'll try.

But just in case I want to tell you how very much I love you, and thank you for being such a good friend for me, you are spectacular and magnificent.

I know we've had our ups and downs, but despite all that it's been a wonderful time, and you have made me very happy.

I certainly wouldn't want to change any of it. Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and thanks to you I can look back on a life that hasn't been complete shit. You were always there for me and you always believed in me. You cared for me even when I didn't deserve it. I've been very lucky, and thank whatever fates there are that you came into my life.

Look after yourself, please. And be kind, and be happy.

Goodbye, Elio. And all my love, always.

Delilah M