What's Left of It

Prologue

Hi! This is my first story here. I hope you like it. Comment or vote! Critics are welcome! Please bear with it for now. I know it's a little boring but I just want to give you a picture of it first. 

Thank you,

H

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Prologue

The day I got home from work that night I was feeling crap as usual. I was exhausted beyond comparison – although I’ve always felt this kind of exhaustion even when just being lazy. I got in the shower knowing that it always makes me feel a little better. I just need to feel okay for a little bit. 

My evening showers usually take longer than the morning ones because it’s the only time I want to think about my life, more of like scrutinizing every detail of my crappy life.

There are some nights that I love looking at my life all useless and pointless, but this night is one of those nights I wished I hadn’t gotten here in the first place.

I got out of the shower with one towel around my hair and a bathrobe covering my body. I sighed as I looked around my empty apartment – I felt worse.

I don’t know how long I am going to be miserable. I don’t even know why I feel miserable. Maybe I can’t take being so lonely anymore. Oh common Becky, stop being such a cry baby.

I like being lonely. I like having the whole place to myself and not thinking about the other person/people who lives with me. I guess I’m not that good with people. I’m not anti-social; I’m just not good with them.

I hate having conversations with people whom I know would never talk to me even if I’m the last person on the planet. I hate being awkward with people. Conversely, talking to them makes me even more awkward about myself. You know, pretending to be texting instead of saying a simple “Hi” to the other person.

Don’t judge.

I’ve just always been on my own for as long as I can remember, I mean, since I graduated college. The day I graduated was the day I got my actual freedom.

And I loved it since then, everything’s all to myself. I look around my room while searching for clean clothes to wear and I feel disgusted about myself. I am such a disappointment. I need some major changes in my life. Nah, I'm too lazy for that.

The clutter around my apartment defines me now. God, I used to be so organized. I seem to remember having a right space for the right object around here. From the looks of where I’m standing right now, every single one of my things just seems to be everywhere. Imagine how I get to work with this kind of mess. 

No, it’s organized chaos. I always liked arguing with my inner self just to justify if what I'm doing is right or wrong. God, you must think I’m crazy!

Having felt like I justified myself, I slumped onto my bed. At least this part of my life is comfortable and assuring. I know that this bed will always be with me at the end of everyday and when I wake up in the morning. Right, I’m really sounding crazy now. 

That night, I drifted into a long deep sleep. I didn’t even know how I fell asleep. I just remembered thinking about how my life was gonna be if I just stick to my goal, stick to my plans, and just stick to it.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm – or should I say a siren - I practically threw it off my room. I made a mental note to buy a new one.

I got up and dragged myself to the bathroom while stepping on some used clothes. I should really buy some disposable clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and man, I look like crap. 

After my morning bathroom rituals, I grabbed my purse and keys and left my apartment alone. I grabbed coffee on my way to work and walked to my car. The only thing that’s making me go to work today is that it’s Friday, and my best friend from college is coming over tomorrow.

She got a new job as a fashion editor here in New York and I couldn’t be more excited for her. And I’m finally living in the same city with her!

We dreamed about this day for years, ever since college. Our paths didn’t cross together because we had a different profession.

We started being friends during the freshmen orientation. We were the only one who’s practically left out of the crowd. We just clicked. We hang out a lot then, although we had different classes. But that didn’t stop us from being friends.

Even through our busy schedule we make sure we meet once a week to catch up. It wasn’t easy, but hey, you want to make some effort if you want to keep a friend like her. After graduation, she got an internship job in Chicago and was to start work immediately.

We call each other and email each other but she got busy and I was, well, still looking for a job that time. I decided to push my luck and went to New York to find a job. A month after scouting for it, I finally landed a secretarial position at the hospital and moved my way up ever since.

Although, I think I’m not going to last long in this place.

My work is a 5-minute drive to the office. Although I work at a hospital, John Clouds Memorial Hospital to be exact, I hardly ever think that I’m working in one because I’m stuck in the office. I’m one of those people who work at a hospital but don’t do any medical stuff, you know what I mean.

I work in the administrative department. My job is to make sure that the phone calls are answered, paperwork is processed, schedule the meetings and disseminate information, easy peasy. Well, not quite. Being the head of the administrative department on one of the biggest hospitals in the country isn’t an easy job at all.

The thing is, it just happened and I wasn’t ready for this – I didn’t like this. Maybe that’s one thing that’s making my life miserable right now. I didn’t like what I was doing. 

How come I only figured that out now?

I always wanted to be a doctor though. The first years in college I was preparing for a pre-medicine course. But then my Dad died and my Mom couldn’t afford to help go to school. I started doing extra jobs but it wasn’t enough. So I dropped out of school and transferred to an administrative course.

Being a doctor was my dream, it’s still there, I just don’t know how to get there as of the moment. The honor of patients asking you what is wrong with them; and you giving the answers to their problems. Sad thing is the only thing that keeping me from getting there was money.

Ever since I came to New York to fulfill that dream, I’ve somehow forgotten what I came here for in the first place. Well, maybe not really since hello, I am working in a hospital FYI. 

Although I am already the head of the administrative department of the hospital, I’m not sure now if I’m ready to move on and be the dream I want to be. I mean, I’m only 25. There are a lot of things to happen, right?

You must think I have no friends, being miserable like I said. Honestly, aside from my best friend, I just don’t think others see me as something valuable though. They’re all into gossip and I just seem more of like a wallflower or maybe air.

You know I exist and I breathe in front of them while they’re talking and I’m all like just there listening to them babble about how that cute doctor smiled at this one girl or something like that. You can safely say that I am someone who responds to their rants, or talks or whatever, the way they want a person to respond.

Plain air.

So that’s what happens in our little lunch area in the office. Then the rest of the day went completely hectic and boring at the same time: same old routine, same old life.

I miss my best friend. I can’t wait to see her tomorrow.

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