My hand was entwined with Felix's as our toes suck into the harsh rocks and pebbles of the shitty english shore I refused to call a beach.
Even though I hate the beach I love the ocean and the oceans of Florida are a lot prettier than this one which didn't reflect clear blue skies but grey murky ones.
I wanted to feel the ocean but hated all the people in the water in Florida. And of course the Sharks.
Felix pulled his shirt off so he just stood in his shorts. He wasn't buff or anything. But the apocalypse had definitely helped his muscles out.
He wasn't a model and he was really pale but not as pale as me.
I loved him for who he was and that shone through and made him the most beautiful and attractive and perfectly imperfect soul on the earth.
He noticed I didn't take my shirt off. "The scars," I didn't think that after all these years I would still choke at talking about it but I paused halfway through the sentence and the tears formed quicker than ever before. He was so gorgeous and I was so hideous. My soul was hideous. My personality and my body and I didn't deserve him.
And that hit me right then. As he stood looking at me lovingly. Looking gorgeous. We were about to die together.
I know he loves me and that hurts. Because I don't deserve it.
I fell into his chest and he rubbed my back as he whispered in my ear.
"You are so beautiful. Your scars could only make you more beautiful," he told me and my tears ran off the familiar smell of his chest.
My arms wrapped around his waist and I never wanted to let go.
"I love you Cry. You're so beautiful," he shushed and held the back of my head gently.
"Thanks. But I'm going to stay dressed," I mumbled.
"I understand," he said and that's all I needed to hear.
He let me stand there for as long as I needed and I was pretending.
I was pretending like those I claimed to loathe.
I was pretending this was real and the semi dead people trying to eat us a kilometre away weren't.
I was pretending that just us were real.
This was real.
And pretending is the closest I will ever get to happy.
I pulled away and took his hand again.
When my feet touched the water it was biting and refreshing and amazing and awful all at the same time. I believe it is called excitement. But I was so calm.
This was it.
I let go of everything as the water swallowed my knees.
If crept up my shorts and soaked my shirt. He was taller than me so he could walk for longer.
We swam into the cool water and it felt perfect and powerful as the ocean always does.
Once we were two hundred meters out I stopped and we floated on our backs. I was a stronger swimmer than him but that was okay. We held hands as we balanced on the surface.
"I don't even know what 'I love you' means any more," I admitted. He didn't say anything to signal he was listening.
"I am so. In love with you. I completely give my soul to you. I love you. That's what it means. But there like degrees of it. And everyone uses it on the lowest degrees so our level doesn't even exist anymore."
"I love you Cry. As long as you know what that means I don't care what words I have to say. If I have to say 'quack' five times to let you know I will. And I will say quack all day so you know."
I rolled over and he did too so we were treading water.
Our legs spun in sync together and our noses were almost touching. I could stare into his blue eyes forever.
We both leant in and kissed softly.
It wasn't passionate. But it mean everything.
He pulled away gently and nodded slightly to ask. I nodded. I'm ready.
His eyelids battered shut and mine did too. Both of our hands held each other tight. I never want to let him go.
I stopped kicking.
We sunk.
For a minute everything was still and perfect. Like a photo.
The last of our air found its way to the surface. There were no waves. Only our hands in from of us as we were suspended somewhere between the surface and the floor.
This blue eyes glistened like sapphires as the sparse rays of light penetrated the water.
His golden hair drifted above him like a halo. Just like a halo.
He was my angel.
The light at the end of the tunnel.
I think tears floated out of my eyes but I couldn't tell. I was glued to him as my lungs screamed but the pain soon passed as I turned it off. I just stopped.
I saw his mouth open and he softly mouthed the word 'forever.'
His mouth stayed open and i couldn't hold mine shut anymore. The instinct to breathe took over.
"I love you!" I yelled into the water. He smiled as he heard it. The salt water flooded my throat and he slowly drifted to me as my head spun. He kissed me as the water poured into my lungs and as he pulled away the loving blue eyes fluttered closed as his hand went limp.
He floated away from me and the sight of his dead body shouldn't surprise me but it stabbed more than the pain in my lungs.
I don't believe in an afterlife but I believe in him and I want to be with him.
I closed my eyes and I felt the water fill the last space in my chest. And then there was nothing.
Then there was peace.
YOU ARE READING
Remember Me (PewDieCry Fanfic 3)
Fanfiction*third book but you don't really have to read the others I guess* "He loved me, but now he doesn't even know me." Felix shot himself a year ago. The zombie virus is keeping him in a coma. They found someone to wake him up. But he doesn't remember...
