Hiding Within The Betrayal

Chapter Twenty Four: Highly Unprofessional

"This is highly unprofessional." I warned him. 

I might have had inappropriate relations with previous members of staff and by that I mean Brileigh but this was something different. My feelings for her weren't the same as all the one night stands that I had, by no means was I in love with her but she reminded me of an easier time: flashback to before I walked that road. I could have her any time I wanted.

With Patrick, it was as if I had never touched another being before. It wasn't lust that made me desire his attention. There was something deeper to this and I couldn't let it eat away at me, I couldn't let myself fall from the throne.

I failed to slip away from his grip. He smiled as his eyes ran up my body and he reached out towards my waist, "Degarmo, who cares?"

Letting out a brief laugh, I slid from the wall so that I wasn't trapped. I put my foot down, "I'm positive that you know the implications. Sure, I might be the boss of the company but I still have legal representation who wouldn't approve. Still have government input that-"

I didn't notice when his hand landed on mine but it was in that moment that he squeezed it affectionately. I looked down towards it. 

There was this feeling in my chest. This weird tight tingle. Flushed at the cheeks and nervous.

I'd had it before.  The only person who I had ever been truly in love with. The one that broke my heart. I hadn't thought of her in months. Not in this way. Brileigh reminded me of her often but I could control myself with the intern.

I wasn't always such a slut. I once cared for love. For affection. But coming back to our flat and finding her in bed with another woman. It broke me. 

It was three years back. 

I hadn't felt that pound in my chest since her. Since the last time I was with her. That morning when I left for work and she begged me to come back soon. As if it was yesterday, I visibility remember ever moment of that day. When I arrived in the evening, earlier than planned, I was met with the cold reality that I wasn't enough for her.

The memory echoed in my mind. Forlornness crept across my face, I turned away so that he couldn't see how it inflicted me.

Since her, I didn't let people in. I didn't do that anymore. 

"You should go," I forced myself to say. 

He came up behind me, pressed his hands against my shoulder blade, trying to turn me around to face him, "What's wrong?"

I threw back my arms. Getting his touch off me. I wanted to cry... My heart was beating a million times an hour. I thought back to her. To being in love. I couldn't understand the sudden flashback or the feeling sitting in my chest. I couldn't be falling for him...

"I told you, this can't happen. You know it can't."

Patrick grabbed both my shoulders in an affectionate manner, "I can't help liking you. Don't beat yourself up for feeling the same way back."

I turned around, slapping straight across his torso, "Don't you dare assume my feelings!"

He staggered back, lifting his arms defensively, "I'm sorry! Just that- Well, I thought-"

"That's exactly the problem. You didn't think!" I let out a heavy breath, pacing back and forth trying to keep my emotions down. "Haven't you got something to get on with?" I asked. Rubbing against my face trying to steady my tone. I stopped moving and spoke to him side on. Acting the role I had been hired for, "I'm not paying you to stand around all day."

He didn't speak. 

I gave myself a little bit before turning to him. A neutral tone inscribed across my face. 

"Myra," he let out. His eyes were shaking. He was about to speak. To say something. 

I couldn't let emotions get to me.

"Don't you dare use that name!" I threw my arms at him in rage, "Get out of my office Detective Callaghan!"

He stepped towards me with a weak frown. His lips struggling to form words, he sighed and turned away. Doing as I had requested, he was wounded.

As he reached the door, I knew that this was it. There were two sides to me when it came to this thing we had. The first, the side I reasoned with, saw it best to kill the problem at the root. If I continued to be nice, I would get hurt as would he. At least this way nothing more would come of it. I wouldn't have to get attached and lose something important. I was protecting number one. Though I had grown used to loneliness, the other side of me crumbled under the weight of my own outburst, must I have been so hard on him?

My mind ran over the way I had acted. Replayed the tortured look in his harrowing eyes. How it was cacophonous but it had to happen.

I stood there watching him blankly.

I wasn't expecting it, but as his hand pressed down against the door handle, he looked back to me. Tears fogging up his vision. He didn't utter a word. He left.

As the door shut, I broke the bitter expression. My eyes hung low as I went over to the door. I placed a hand against the pane. I felt myself choke up with emotion. I bolted the door. And rested both arms against it. Running my hand forcefully through the front of my hair, the wispy strips falling around my hair, I yanked out the bobble and launched it.

With a heavy heart, tears rolled down my cheeks.

What had I done?