The Cursed Line of Bell of Whitstable

Chapter 36- A Deal With Death

To imagine death your mind instantly conjures up thoughts of darkness as the shroud of life drops, the endless stream of nothing as what once was and is no longer. 

I knew in my very bones who he was because he has always been there like an echo but never quite a noise, when life began so did death because everything that begins must eventually come to end. 

As he stood before me I do not feel any fear, after all, living is the hard part.  He takes my hand and kisses me gently, his lips cold but soft like crushed velvet, I flinch a little frightened by his touch. "So lovely to finally make your acquaintance Jane". His sentence feels loaded but I feel I'm in no position to argue, he senses my unease.  "Please child, don't be frightened".

I straighten up, pulling my quivering hands behind my back so my body doesn't fail me and give me away.  "I'm not frightened, just confused as to why you are in our courtyard ?"

A smile spreads across his face that erupts into a loud booming laugh.  "Lilith, she is truly your granddaughter.  With low tolerance and biting tongue, I'm here to remind your grandmother regardless the many times I've turned a blind eye to her many indiscretions I cannot when it comes to killing a man of the cloth, who is protected by the laws of God, so I have exacted a fitting punishment".

Bell screams, no longer frozen by his presence.  "No, not fitting.  I deserve an eye for an eye, you know what he did".

The vicars' whimpering is now more like an annoying drone that is nothing more than the undercurrent of what is really happening in this moment, his life has little to no importance to anyone but rules are rules at least for Death and while he has a soft spot for Bell there are limits to what he can let slip, even for her.  While I feel for Bell I know this is my one opportunity to finally find out the last moments of my mum's life and I will not let this go, all moments have led up to this.

"Please sir ...Death ...may I have a word in private ?"  I step closer even though I can feel the unease of him building up in me.  Dad grabs my arm to stop me but I simply turn and silently mouth it will be ok.

His voice is as smooth as warm butter running off toast.  He replies; "Why of course child". He glides past everyone and in through the courtyard doors where I dutifully follow. I catch Dads' scared face,  Bell's face covered in rage like an angry rash and Alto's concerned glance as he knows for once he cannot follow behind me or protect me from what I'm choosing to do.

Inside he is sat at the table, casually taking in his surroundings, as I move closer he stands up and pulls out a chair for me to sit next to him.  To which I perch on the end like a nervous little bird that will fly away at any moment, under the table I nervously play with hands not entirely sure how I'm to start this.  The ticking of the clock behind the bar suddenly seems very loud almost like a countdown before my time is up and my chance will be gone.

"I would like to request ten minutes alone with him". I look back at the courtyard doors so he knows I'm talking about the vicar.  "I have questions I need answering about my mother and her ... death".

He leans in as if we are old friends chatting and this encounter is the most normal discussion to occur.  "Why, do you think this will bring meaning to her death?  because it won't.  The outcome is the same she is still gone".

I feel my nervous hands now clench in to tight fists under the table.  "I'm not looking for meaning, I'm looking for answers.  He took my mother away from me and I want to know why?  I've spent my life not knowing who she was, why she made the choices she did?  I have accepted her death but I can't accept he had a part in it and I don't know why ?"

He leans back casually in his chair.  "This will bring you comfort to know ?"  I nod in agreement.

"Lilith and I were created at the same time, she to give life, myself to take it.  Our paths already laid out before us but she was far braver than me, she chose to take her own path to which she was cruelly punished; shunned by humanity, demonised in religious text.  Our paths crossed every time she lost a child.  When she lost her beloved partner and then when your mother died at each of these events it left a black mark on her soul which will never heal.  The same will happen to you if you listen and subject yourself to your mothers last moments".

"If truth means I'm to be marked then so be it, do you not think I'm already marked?  I was robbed of a mother, memories with her, a very different life and while I know this cannot be changed I feel I'm owed to know why he did what he did".

"You are so much like Lilith, in pursuit of your truth regardless of the damage it does to you.  I will permit this but once it's done you will never speak or see him again.  I'm not doing this to protect him but to protect yourself.  He is like a scab, for you to pick at constantly would only cause you pain not him.  I would like nothing more than to watch Lilith tear him apart but he is protected by the hand of God and while I've turned a blind eye to Lilith's actions in the past I cannot permit it this time and I fear the wrath that would be impaled onto her, especially as she has now more to lose".

The realisation sinks in, he means me.

"I understand as long as he's a vicar he works for God so is protected by God". 

Death sighs, "He is protected regardless if he deserves it or not as long as he is part of God's home and wears the illusion of doing God's bidding.  I know it feels unfair child and seems unjust but these laws were put in place before civilised society or man realised the strength he had in freedom of choice, regardless if that decision leads him down a dark path".

I now understand what Alto meant when he said Death had an interest in Bell.  It was not just her pain, suffering and loss that drew him in but the constant injustice he saw befall her. He sent her the feral boys, not as dogs but to protect her.  It's funny how in life we are taught to praise the illusion of life and fear the honesty of death.

"Take condolence in the fact child that you will finally get your truth but be prepared for what you hear.  This life has ruined and broken too many of the women in your family, do not let it crush you too".

I slowly nod so he knows I've appreciated his words.  "I have a confession". I quietly mumble "I hated you death for taking her away from me".

He cups my face.  "Child, the world hates death, I was not created for love just simply to move the soul onto the next, do not feel guilty for your feeling towards me". His compassion is overwhelming because there is no love or hate in death just the next.

With this said he takes my hand and leads me back outside, I see my beloved Dad whose body is tense release like a coiled spring by the sight of me.  We walk past them all until I'm standing in front of the vicar, still bound and on his knees, a sniffling mess with blood trickling from his wounds and snot running down his face from his crying.

Death turns me to face him his hands on both of my shoulders so I take in every word he says and don't get distracted by what is around me.  "You have ten minutes, ask all you need to know for there will be no other chances.  If at any point you are done call me".

He steps back so he is beside Bell and the feral boys edge away.  "Your time starts now." 
With his last word slipping from his lips the darkness falls around me, the courtyard lights blow out like candles on a birthday cake, the stars disappear from the night sky and the shadows seep into the courtyard covering them all until they cannot be seen as if they are ghosts vanishing before my eyes.  I realise death is permitting for me to have my ten minutes in complete privacy so I may ask whatever I need to know without the burden of watching eyes holding me back from what I need to know and limiting my questions for fear of hurting Dad or Bell.

I sit down in front of the sobbing mess before me and quietly whisper.  "Shall we begin".