Amber

(6) Mess

On the way back home that day, I couldn't control my curiosity. As a result, I blabbered out, "Jared. D-don't you think that the one Joseph was talking about--"

"Was you." He said, without even looking at me.

I got in front of his way and asked, "How do you know?"

"Shut up, Amber." He shrugged me off, as if it was quite obvious. "You think I don't know? Jared knows everything. And you better stop stuttering like that."

"But Joseph always plays pranks on me. He's a bully. He always, always makes fun of me! And that too, in front of everyone. Remember the day he insulted me about my trivial pronunciation error, and got me out of the drama club for which I had been preparing for months. And Ah! How can I forget the day he made fun of me being a feminist during the school debate in the midst of 200 wholesome people. Surely, he was disqualified but I was called a 'fake feminist' the next few days."

"Woah woah woah! I know. You see, from what I've learnt from books about psychology, he's really stubborn around you and plays pranks because he's afraid."

"Of what?"

Jared groaned, too lazy to speak up,
"That you might be better. The whole school knows that he's such a well mannered and social and blah blah blah kind of guy. He's dated almost every girl at school. And some boys too. But you, Amber, you're the only one who doesn't give a shit about his attractive appearance or his smart talks that he uses to impress people."

He put on his glasses and continued, "And it's not that you don't have any admirers, you know." He winked at me, "He's afraid that you might steal his perfect spot. So he tries to... kind of pull your leg about any possible thing." He said, more in a questioning manner.

The lava bubbling inside of me didn't seem to reduce. Usually, my anger didn't last any more than 0.3 seconds perhaps. But Joseph ALWAYS made me mad. ALWAYS. Interestingly, I wasn't even able to understand what I felt about it. His hateful comments always left me with a mixture of emotions.

An entangled mess of sentiments too difficult to handle.

A mess, Amber had never aspired to be.
A mess, Amber hated to be.
A mess, Amber was made. By him.

"I hate him. I hate him so damn much. One minute he teases me and gets on my nerves. The other minute he gives me a helpless look to gain sympathy. I can't help but hate him. He's--"

"You don't have to hate anyone. He doesn't want to harm you or something, okay? It's his insecurity that makes him do such things to you, Amber."

"How can someone be insecure when they've got the right skin colour, the right posture, the right facial features and right grades."

"But--"

I cut him off. "And most importantly, he's got parents!"

I paused for a moment and Jared seized the opportunity to speak.

"That's the problem. Think the other way round. He must think that too, that everything about you is right."

"Nothing is!" I frantically waved my hands, but failing miserably trying to be dramatic.

Not wanting to listen anymore, I ran towards the hill to seek solace in my miniature paradise. Yes, I regretted ignoring Jared the very first day after his arrival but that was what I could do.

Running towards the hill, I felt the cool wind harshly hit my face. It was this wind that caused my eyes to start stinging or my intermingled emotions, still remains a mystery.

I gently sat under Ivy's shade and blankly stared at the ants walking in a line for I don't know how long. I had been expecting Ivy to say something. She didn't say a word, perhaps toot tired to deal with my pessimistic attitude. 

"One can look beautiful and still feel ugly. One can look confident and still feel that they're not enough. No wonder we live in a fake world, where anything is worth nothing if it isn't perfect." Her melodious voice sang.

Those words hit me.

"The tragedy is people don't realise the beauty that lies in imperfection in the pursuit for excellence."

"I am just like all of them. Judging people silently and severely wanting not to be judged. Spreading hatred and unhappiness." I said, touching her roots protruding out of the ground.

"That's not what you should be saying. Maybe all of them are just like you. Maybe it's not skyscrapers and money that anyone wants at all. Maybe simple things like love and acceptance can heal people."

Those words made me calm, although at that time I failed to comprehend their depth. I always wondered how Ivy could understand human emotions so well, and how her words could comfort someone in the darkest times of their lives. I wished to be like her.

Calm.

Confident.

Consoling.

If she were a girl, she would win everyone's heart, and soul.

Not everyone is blessed with this ability. There was politeness and yet a stern manner in her voice, as if she could cast her influence on even the most orthodox people.

"We're just side-characters in others stories, aren't we?" She spoke again, leaving me in deep thought.

The sun was setting. I touched her trunk for the last time and bid her goodbye, walking towards home half-heartedly.

Something always nudges me about Ivy. She's so much like me, and yet better in a thousand ways. Perhaps one day I'll find her voice in myself.

A/N:-
Are you all taking care of yourself? Please be at home, and don't panic.