Amber

(7) Time

The next few weeks were spent in self reflection and sorting out my thoughts. After the words of wisdom from Ivy that day, I had been getting regular doses of positivity and philosophy from Jared too. Honestly, initially I quite despised the way he manipulated all our classmates with some theory of Karl Marx, but gradually I gained interest in human psychology and started reading books more than ever.

It's not that I didn't read books before. Being a bookworm is a trait that I've inherited from mum, but all my books were confined to Fantasy or Romance. I travelled faraway lands or fell in love with the most intimidating protagonists, to escape from the reality. I'd been afraid, to read about how things worked in the real world.

Ivy made me strong. I wasn't afraid after that. There was something I was refusing to accept from the day I was born. I cribbed over what I didn't have and I cried for what I had but wasn't enough. Sure, I missed my parents. But I knew that wherever they were, it would have been a better place. I started to feel myself the proud daughter of proud parents. I genuinely smiled more often. Though no one noticed the difference, one day Jared commented 'Happy Amber is the most beautiful Amber.'
Trying my best not to look flattered, I gave him a slight punch on his arm.

That was a new phase of my life, where I could find beauty in every object I came across.

I could feel the sunrays gleefully absorbing in my skin. The cool breeze no more brought tears to my eyes. The lush green grass under the shade of Ivy was the perfect abode. My Grandma, I discovered, was a wise lady. I could never love her like she did because I spent time trying to indulge myself into the past memories of my parents. No wonder my mum got all his values about self esteem and patience from Grandma.

I laughed more often, I sang my heart out while bathing and I danced with Grandma on old pop music. The way her hazel eyes reminded me of mum's, made me extremely nostalgic. At times when I looked at Grandma, I couldn't control tears from forming in my eyes. I blinked them back in a second, but it could hardly escape Grandma's keen notice. Then she would wrap me in her thin, worn out arms and I, like a 5-year-old-girl scolded by her father for her notorious activities, would cuddle in her lap. The warmth and tenderness radiated by Grandma can't be expressed in words - sometimes even surpassing the courage lying underneath softness of Ivy herself.

I started to love our cottage. I discovered so many things that I had never bothered to look at. The pillow that soaked all my tears at night was perhaps honoured to be a part of my weapon squad for pillow-fight with Grandma. Little did I know that Grandma's wrinkled face hid dreadful scars, that I hate to think about.

I'd be lying if I said life had never been better before. It sure was, but I had learnt to accept things the way they were.

But even after all this, I thought occassionaly, as I stared at the starry sky, why I didn't turn out to be like mum. I didn't turn out to be like Ivy. I felt something... missing. Even though I had all characteristics like theirs, I couldn't comprehend the fact. I had always thought I'd be like mum, or like Ivy. But there was still room to discover about myself and be my true self.

And Ah! Joseph! We became friends. Not exactly the best of friends, but occasional smiles and handshakes were not bad, I guess.
I forgave him, for everything he did. It was Ivy who one day out of the blue told me, "The person who has given you the worst things in the world waits to be discovered by you. Such strong bonds are created by God."

Only days later did I understand the underlying meaning behind the sentence. So we talked, and I realised how rude I had been to him all this while. So rude as to make his legs go trembling by a single glance of mine. I was filled with guilt, momentarily. We both let all our grudges out for each other. He was close to breaking down if Jared hadn't supported him at the right time.

Then whenever in school someone called me brown, I smiled a bright smile halfway between artificial and natural and said 'Thank You!' They then never repeated those words.

Maybe this is why a wise man once said, "When you conquer fear, you become the most powerful person in the world."

The transformation of my outer personality was real fast, but I was not unaware of the fact that deep-down, in the core, I was still afraid of judgement, afraid of losing the current moment. I low-key wanted to clutch to the feeling and never let it go. Never.

Positivity and the art of being happy was manually fitted in my mind by books and friends. Most importantly, Ivy. Time would gradually let my heart capture it, and finally my soul. I just needed time. Time would make me stronger from the inside. Every night, I wished nothing would go wrong. Each moment, I prayed to let the reformed Amber last.

Time would make me display resilience to pain and pleasure, joy and misery. It would let me slide into an ocean of bright light existing in myself, and be at peace with my mind, body and soul.

Only if I got some more time, things could have been easier. Things could have been less complicated.

But life doesn't stop testing your strength, does it?

A/N:-
I'm sorry for the slow chapter, but it was necessary. I'm low-key not prepared for the next chapter.