TW: This book has a lot of descriptions of abuse and because of how often it is, there are no trigger warnings at the beginning of chapters. Take this as a warning for the whole book.
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Samuel never thought that moving out of his childhood home wo...
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xl. Setting Up Plans
The cigarette between my lips stayed unlit as I stared off into the distance while Taylor dragged me towards the clinic. It was time for her eighteen week ultrasound, and she wanted me to come with her. Somewhere within me, I wanted to go too. I just didn't let myself feel excited over a child that might not have been mine.
I didn't exactly feel excited over anything, but there was nothing I could really do about it.
Once in front of the clinic, I went to light my cigarette after realising that I'd had it between my lips for a while. Before I could do so, Taylor turned around and slapped me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you trying to make me look like a bad mom? You can't just start smoking like that," She seethed, her face turning red. I didn't pay mind to her words, though. I could only focus on the fact that she'd slapped me. She'd slapped me in public.
"I'm sorry, babe. I-I wasn't thinking," I said softly, my eyes cast down at her belly. I placed the cigarette into my pocket and continued to stare down.
I wasn't even a father yet, and I was already a failure. This baby didn't deserve parents like Taylor and I; neither of us were good enough.
Taylor huffed angrily. "That's the thing, you never think before you do these stupid things. This is why I have to resort to punishing you, because you don't think. You don't really care about our baby, do you?" She accused.
My eyes widened. "Of- of course I care about our baby!" I exclaimed. I did care about them. I was just afraid of showing it. I didn't want to get too hurt if the baby ended up not being mine or if I ended up unable to take care of them. Not getting too attached was the only way to prevent myself from breaking any more.
The woman in front of me groaned and grabbed my bandaged hand, making pain immediately shoot down to my fingers and the sides of my hand. "Whatever. Let's just go," She said. I just bit my tongue to help myself focus on something other than the pain pulsating in my hand.
I hadn't been able to use my injured hand for anything lately. I could barely close my hand without intense pain and besides, my hand was weak. I hadn't done much about it, figuring it would just go away after a while, but I wasn't so sure anymore.
Ever since Taylor stomped on it with her foot, my hand had been essentially useless when it came to anything really. I hoped the pain would just subside soon, but I didn't have much faith that it would actually happen.
Taylor and I were once again led to a room where the doctor I'd met once before was already waiting for us. She stood to shake both our hands and I plastered yet another smile onto my face, though I was sure this one seemed a bit more pained than usual. Taylor was still holding onto my hand, after all.
The ultrasound started off like last time, only this time, the doctor stopped at the silhouette of our baby and smiled. "Would you guys want to find out the baby's gender?" She asked, her sickly sweet voice cheery and it sounded as if she was almost cooing at us.
