A WINNING MISTAKE

Chapter 4

School was boring, my relationship was boring, my life was boring, everything was boring. The only time i felt alive was when i was with my friend Drew(25). We had been friends for years and he was like my brother too.

We would link up on Tuesdays to smoke and chill. Getting high with him was super cool. We vibed to the same music , half of my playlist was half of his.

The smoke and chill sessions were going great till he started playing some love songs when we were high.
He knew how much i paid attention to each and every lyric when i was high.

Some of the lyrics were too much and they started affecting me. I started crushing on him. Nisha wtf he's your friend is what i would tell myself everytime i started thinking about him.

I don't know how it happened but we started flirting, i liked flirting with him. He did too. I was always glued to my phone because talking to him was just fun and eased my mind.

We agreed that we were only going to be flirt buddies. Nothing more. Drew didn't want a relationship. His long time girlfriend had broke his heart and he didn't want to love anyone.  I knew this but at first i was cool with it because i didn't want to fall for him either, i had a boyfriend.

But the guilt of flirting with my friend was too much especially behind my boyfriends back. But my boyfriend never has time for me so it's no big deal. So i ended up not feeling guilty anymore.

We ended up smoking ,chilling and thriving.  I didn't love Drew . We were never going to be a thing because I've dated his close friend. I knew everything was wrong but i still wanted this with him.

A lot of questions would fill up my mind:
What if my boyfriend finds out?
Does Drew really like me?

After a few weeks , i wanted more. I wanted Drew to make me his girlfriend.  I didn't care about my relationship with Ethan anymore. He was even too busy to even notice how i had changed .

I couldn't tell Drew what i wanted. But I'm sure he noticed that i was going crazy over him. That's when things went bad for me.

" Drew you said you don't drink beer, so what were you drinking here " i said this after i saw a video he had posted on his WA status.

"It's beer dude"

"You said you don't drink beer,so why did you lie about it" i put angry emojis to express how i was really feeling.

He blueticked. I wanted him to say something but he didn't. Days after i apped him . We talked about the beer thing.

"Why did you bluetick me?"

"I answer to no one so if i lied ,i did it because i wanted to and i had my reasons"

Drew is my friend but he's one cold mofo. I knew that but things were different now. I like him and everything he would say would get to me , good or bad.

"You didn't have to lie about it but it's okay" i said just to end the silly argument.

We continued with our sessions and i was now getting out of control. Then Drew put me on timeout. He wasn't going to flirt with me anymore . I thought i was a joke at first but he was very serious about it.

This timeout was too much for me. It felt like Drew had rejected me. I felt like he didn't even want me. Am i not his type? Am i not pretty enough for him?

'I don't need him, i don't need anyone ' i lied to myself,deep down i wanted Drew's company .

A few weeks later i started feeling like i was dead inside. I didn't care about anything. I wanted to die. At school the lectures felt like hell. Sometimes i would plug in my earphones just to feel better.

My life had no meaning. It wasn't just because of Drew. Thinking about how sick my mum was made it worse. Life is really messed up . Why did my mum get so sick all of a sudden? Did God care?
No one could answer me.

I couldn't tell this to anyone. If i had a good relationship with my boyfriend i would have shared with him but he wouldn't get it. Besides i was blaming him for not being there , thats why i ended up falling for Drew.

The only time i felt better was when i was high. So that's all i wanted, to just smoke. No lie but it kinda helped.

I couldn't wait to write my exams and finish school. 'I hope i pass my exams and just leave town for a while '
That's what kept me going.