A WINNING MISTAKE

Chapter 6

My feelings for Ajay were slowly growing and i started feeling nothing for Ethan. But i didn't want Ajay to be the reason for my breakup with Ethan, because if Ajay was gonna hurt me in the future, i was going to regret breaking up with Ethan.

I just wanted things to happen the right way. Weeks after Ajay and i started seeing each other on a regular.  We were just like any other normal couple but he had never asked me to be his girlfriend or told me that he loved me.

Ajay had a girlfriend. He had told me how complicated it was and all but i was in no place to tell him to break up with her. I didn't want to get involved in his relationship.

I didn't care if we were an official thing or not because i enjoyed being part of him like that. 'Titles don't really matter,as long as I'm happy. I was lying to myself.

My relationship with Ethan was on the edge now. Our conversations were just greetings and sometimes i would ignore his calls because i didn't know what to say. I felt so bad for cheating on him and i didnt know how to end our relationship.

"Kiara I'm in too deep for Ajay and i wanna call it quits with Ethan"

"Chommie come on, you can't just dump a guy like that" she said feeling sorry for Ethan.

"But you know how things are now, and you know how much i tried "

" Yah you're right, i just want you to be happy eyy"

Talking to her about it made me feel better.

" But don't break up with Ethan yet , you have to know how serious Ajay is first"

She was right. Breaking up with someone I've known for years for someone i had known for weeks was too much. So i decided to let things be for a while before making a final decision.

Days went by, i couldn't stop thinking about how i was involved with two guys.  I didn't want this. I wanted to be stable with one guy, obviously Ajay. I couldn't break up with Ethan but i had to. He had to know that i didn't want this anymore. But i couldn't do it.

Besides not opening up and us being different in a way, Ethan had all the qualities i wanted in a guy. Thats why i couldn't leave him. ,What if i never find that in any guy and always regret what i did to him'  Worst nightmare.

But Ethan had different things on his mind. One day i woke up to a long break up message. I couldn't believe it, Ethan is breaking up with me?.  At first i was in denial. But it was real.

Ethan: I never thought To say that I've agonized over it is an understatement. I come to it now without having had much sleep for a few days, but with a clear realization of what I must say and do.

Let me start by saying what I think we both feel, but what we've both been unable to say out loud: our relationship is not working, and it hasn't worked for the past 2 months . In fact, rather than strengthening our lives, it just weighs us down and makes our lives more difficult. We've tried calm discussions, silence, , A few days ago, I started to make a two-column list: your issues and mine. Then I realized that it was a waste of time. I came to the conclusion that no one is at fault ,maybe I am . We are simply two different personalities who have tried to make a relationship work and just couldn't do it. This brings me to one of the hardest decisions of my life, I've got to move on.

I hope you will honor my decision, as I have not arrived at it casually. I do not want either one of us to go through this painful process twice because I truly believe that this is the best resolution for both of us. We still have an opportunity to part quietly and with dignity, and I think we should take it now.

I wish you well and I hope you will believe that this is not just a trite phrase. I have always wanted you to be happy, so please believe me now when I say that I wish you a wonderful and fulfilling life. Maybe just maybe one day we will  find  our ways  again   and be happy like  it was before...
😔😔😔
Like u said   weeks ago Maybe it or ( i ) was too late to    give my all in this relationship ..

Me: So you're breaking up with me?

Ethan: Yes and I think thats the best    idea now ...

Me: Okay

Ethan: I can't give  you much attention that u deserve my dear

Me: Okaay

I was hurt even though i wanted the same thing. I didn't see that coming.
I wanted to cry but i couldn't.
I kept thinking about what had happened till i got a headache.

I cried the next day. 'Why was i crying?  I started deleting all our pictures and videos. I didn't need them anymore. I cleared him from my call log and deleted all our messages.

I had mixed emotions about the whole thing. When i told Kiara and Tammy they were surprised too.

That day i told Ajay what had happened. I wanted him to know that i was now single although i was kinda his girlfriend already. Deep down i wanted him to know that he was now my only guy.