What The Heck I Gotta Do To Be With You (Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader)

She Is Hard On Herself

Your eyes widened and you almost fell off the bar stool you were sitting on. You gripped the edge of the counter so hard your knuckles turned white. "You...what?"

Lin let out a deep sigh, resting his elbow on the counter and digging one hand into his hair. "I knew what I was doing," he repeated tiredly.

"No, you..." Your mind couldn't even process it. It was completely frozen. "You...you didn't. You didn't. You were drunk. I was drunk. Evy was drunk. We were all drunk," you reasoned almost desperately.

"I wasn't that drunk," he muttered, then met your eyes, seeming strangely pained.

"Then..." You stared down at your drink, not wanting to continue staring into his eyes. "Why?" You sputtered out. "Why would you..." This was too much for you to grasp.

"I honestly don't know," Lin said, sitting up. "All I know is I wanted to kiss you. I remember that. I just don't know why."

You felt yourself deflate a bit. Lin wasn't admitting he had any kind of feelings for you. He was only admitting an attraction, a brief, fleeting feeling that didn't go beyond the surface. "Oh," you forced out, not sure what else to say.

"I'm sorry that puts you in a weird position," he continued, now seeming more business-like. "I hope it doesn't strain your and Leslie's relationship."

"I haven't told him," you said, taking a sip of your drink. You looked over with a steady gaze. "Have you told Evy?"

Lin looked away. "No."

You were both quiet for a moment.

"Should we tell them?" you asked softly.

Lin paused, but only for a moment. "I'm going to tell Evy," he said with more confidence than he looked like he had. "I won't tell you what to do, but that's what I'm going to do."

You nodded, sighing, already knowing that that meant you had to tell Leslie.

"Hey, Les."

You walked up to Leslie the next day after rehearsal, your chest tight with anxiety. You knew he deserved to know. But how much?

"Hey," he greeted with a smile, kissing you on the cheek. He noticed your nervous expression and concern spread over his face. "What's wrong?"

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course."

You followed Leslie into his dressing room, where you gently shut the door.

"So what's going on?" he asked.

"Um..." You had to do it. It had to be done. "It's nothing super bad. I mean, it's kind of bad, but definitely not as bad as it could be, if you know what I mean."

"...What?"

"On the double date night, Lin and I almost kissed," you burst out, and felt both relief and guilt flood you all at once.

Leslie's face fell and his jaw went slack.

Before he could say anything, you continued. "It was nothing serious or anything. We were both drunk and had just been dancing like crazy and the DJ stupidly turned on a love song and we just got caught up in the moment." You tried to get out every excuse for what happened as you could.

He stood there for a moment, his arms crossed and his face scrunched up as he tried to process what you said.

It was silent for a full awkward minute, and you just stood there messing with your fingers as dread filled you.