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Emptiness

I lived, but it felt like I was dead. I smiled but it never felt more fabricated. I sang my heart out, but it didn't help me heal any faster. My heart spoke through the countless nights that I spent crying, the pain I felt couldn't be put into words. 

My body was aching because of the pressure I put myself under, but despite the agony I never stopped thinking about her. My Lisa. There wasn't a single night that she didn't cross my mind. 

"Hey, bro! When do you plan to leave the practise room? Will you just move in here?" Jimin joked in his happy voice. 

All of them knew what was going on, so they tried to be as supportive as they could. They witnessed my suffering and tried, in every way, to make it more bearable for me. 
Although they gave their best, I knew that I could never go back to being the same person I was. I experienced a situation that changed me from within. 

"Oh, hyung, hello," I greeted him and smiled a little. 

"Maknae, come here," Jimin invited me to sit beside him. 

"What is it, hyung? Do you need me?" I asked and took a gulp of water.
 

"Actually, I just wanted to ask, how are you?" he said and looked me straight into eyes. 

"I've been better, but thank," I said and tried to stand up. I didn't want us to start another conversation where I'll be tearing up. 

"Listen to me for a minute, Jungkook," he said seriously and pulled me back to the spot I was sitting a few seconds earlier. 

I didn't look at him. Instead the floors seemed incredibly appealing to stare at. 

"It's been a month and a half already, right?" he asked quietly. 

I nodded silently. 

"I just want to tell you that I'm very proud of you," he added and I could see that his stare was now on me, so I turned to face him too. 

Before I could speak, he cut me off by saying: " I want to let you know that you should let yourself be sad for some time, but I also want you to promise me, to promise yourself that you will try every day to do a little better. 
And no, I don't mean that I want you to become a better singer or performer, I want you to become better version of yourself, for yourself. 
You should try to give your heart a chance to heal, you should try to give yourself a time to overcome this situation as well as you should have hope that everything will be just fine. 
You will survive, it's just that you won't be the same anymore. You will be stronger. And by that, you will be able to protect your love more powerfully. I will be cheering for you, maknae!" 

He gave one of his widest smiles and a spark in his eyes suddenly gave me the hope that everything will be alright.