Flip-side of Ohryn

Grey

💫this song really helped me write this Chapter💞
💫Play the song while you read in this chapter for the whole experience
----------------
MONDAY:
Does love make you weak?

Was scrawled on top of my paper.

I needed something else to focus my attention toward. Something other than the task at hand. I darted my eyes at every single light blue line of my notebook paper repeating every word of that question like it was a never ending song. I knew exactly every feeling that I craved and wanted to release on that piece, but couldn't find the words that could carry the words off the paper. Frustration overwhelmed me as I tapped the ends of my fingertips on my thick thighs that couldn't seem to lift my pencil. Besides, how tedious could it be to write an entry?

RING!

Damn.

The arrow on the timer clicked zero.

"Ryn, would you like to tell me why you couldn't write anything down?" He asked curiously as his rutty palms carelessly toppled on to the top of the buzzer.

"This is the last time I'm telling you nicely Sir, my name is Ohryn. But since you're a little bad at hearing and following directions, I might add, you can call me Ms. Brockmen , you shrink." A cold smirk arising on my lips.

His eyes searches me desperately trying to find some form of sympathy in my eyes but none is given.

I could see him losing his patience with me as he covers his eyes in lost hope. A heavy blow of air escapes from his mouth, "What is stopping you from writing down something, anything from my question I posed to you?" He restates to me moving his hands for gestures.

Does love make you weak?

I reread to myself again.

The memories in the back of my brain hit me on the inside of my forehead like harsh reality. My lock of security shattered and I couldn't seem to put the pieces back perfectly to my false happiness.

Don't you break down Ohryn!

His rugged nails were the first to hover over the end of my finger tips that were folded in between my thighs, "I promise I won't leave you." He  stated trying to comfort me with his words.

The words crumpled me like wrongly used paper. Emotions were beginning to overpower my logic. The words forcefully placed me back to the memory:

The warmth of his body seized mine with the weight of his arms dangling over my shoulders. My face was damp with the wetness streaming uncontrollably from my tired drowned eyes.

"No. Don't touch me," I managed to croak out.

"I'm not leaving you again Ryn. You cant make me leave you here."

"But You're not healthy for me." I plead to him, trying to believe it myself.

His words smelled of distress, "Look at me Ryn, Look at me. I promise you, I promise I won't leave you again. You have to trust me."

A brush on my knee startled me back to the hell I dug myself into. The swamp of tears forming around my pupil were causing the blurriness in my eyes; blinking them away wasn't going to work this time. Slowly and gently, one managed to trickle from the corner of my eye. I noticed that his hands had shifted from my hands to my knees. I jolt my chair back a couple inches.

"I dont need your sorry excuse for pity." I state bluntly.

"Then why-" he started to blurt out, but my words gave him little opportunity.

"5, 4, 3..." I count down, peeping at the clock I've been periodically checking from the corner to my right.

"Wont you answer-" he attempted to finish seeming frustrated that he got no where in our session.

"2, 1..."

Once again I was victorious.

He squeezed in the last words to his sentence, "My question." He mumbled, but much quieter than before.

"Times up Mr. Walc," I exclaim fancying my way towards the heavy metal bolted door that unlocked with a click of a button when my melt down session was over. I observed his pencil as it scribbled the words delicately on the paper being held up by the clipboard.

"You know Ms. Brockman, this is not healthy. This is not helping you develop the way you should for someone who is becoming a young adult and independent. This is-,"

"This is you actually following directions this time Mr.Walc. Im glad you got on board with the Ms. Brockman thing. It suits me well don't you think?"

He stares at me with confusion.

"May you open the door now. My pointless session is over Mr. Shrink," I exclaim with my usual exaggerated hand motions.

"This is not healthy Ms. Brockman and you need to take in consideration with what I'm saying to you right now. This is important to you , to me, to your parents... This is-"

"What is 'this' !?" I screeched, aggravated by his choice to say the bare minimum.

" 'This' is blocking out from everyone, even the people you care about."

"I shared the world my thoughts and experience, but it was so greedy, so, so greedy." I don't elaborate any further than I should. I divert my eye contact away from the freshly shined handle on the door to the soft darkness of his pupil.

I finished with a bitter end, "Ultimately it devoured me whole. So don't feed me that cliché bullshit because Im not begging for it." Snatching the handle perfectly and so in line.

"Im trying to help you get through what ever you're going through," The mellow tone of his voice wrapped gently around my ear.

"There's no getting through with this patient."

---