Didn't just Sink..

001.

"Melinda dear, what do you wanna talk about today?"
Her soft voice asked, talking to me as if she'd known me my entire life, but little did she know, my mind was still stuck in the endless loop of reliving those terrible memories.

It'd already caused collateral damage to my mind and body..

In the back of my mind it all replayed...
Faster and faster each time...
Causing the wound inside, to expand and consume me..
It hurt so much, having to go through all this on my own...
Not being able to talk to anyone about it....
Maybe I wasn't going to..

His hands gripping my wrists...

"Dear? What are you thinking?"
Her voice fading off..

I'm being jolted into the wall...

His body blocking me.

His arms resisting my movement.

Tethering me to the ground, mercilessly.

"Melinda!"
She yelled, making me snap back to reality.

"I..uh I didn't...I.."
I stuttered, but as the tears brimmed my eyes, I was forced to leave the building, without a word.

She didn't try to stop me.

I couldn't keep pretending to be fine when I wasn't...
My mask couldn't keep me safe forever...
But I was scared to take it off..
Scared to face the world without it..

Everything was crumpled up in me...
Everything I couldn't tell..
Everything that could hurt me.

How was it that when I could help people, even if they didn't ask, I did..
But when I desperately needed someone deep down, even though I tried to deny it..
There was no one..

No one willing to hear what I had to say..
No one willing to hold me when I cried..

It just taught me that no matter how much you help someone, no one will ever do the same for you....

My mind kept going back and forth in those memories as I paced over the bridge and all my way to the cliff jumping spot.

It wasn't always isolated, but today it was...

It was sunny and dry, my eyes burning we stood on the cliff, looking down as the tears dried on my skin.

"I can't do this anymore..."
I said to myself

It had happened and there was no forgetting...no running away from it....

It felt like I was caught inside my head...
Caught inside the endless memories, as they repeated...

To fall in your own eyes is the worst...

And I'd fallen...

Too deep to ever get back out.

I'd been drugging myself to sleep ever since it'd happened..

I wish I could just never see him again..

But no matter how much I wished for the torment to stop..it didn't.

I'd have to pass him everyday, bear those looks..

I'd once been so brave, and the fact that all of it had happened just shocked me to the utmost peak of tolerance.

There was a time when I used to fight back..

A time when I used to protect weak girls...

Stand up for them...

But it'd brought me here...where I couldn't even stand up for myself.

I tried to get it all out...

But stuffing a cloth into my mouth and yelling, or cutting myself wasn't going to help.

I didn't eat anything much..or say too much..

I just let it all eat me up from inside.

Because there was no one that would listen to me..

No one that would wanna hear me speak..

No one that would care about what I said...

No one that would support me if I tried to explain..

My mom had drifted away from me..

When I needed her the most..she wasn't there..
Maybe she didn't care...

But I was only fourteen..

Too young to go through any of this..

Too young to be abandoned.

The scorching heat penetrated through my skin, and I felt faint, standing on the edge of the cliff..

I was pretty sure, if I fainted and fell into the water...

I would surely die...

Maybe that'd be the end of this torment...

Maybe I'd never have to go through it ever again.....

"Hey! Wait!"
A voice called, but I was too confused to realise if it was an actual person...or just my semi-dead conscience...