Aesthetic short stories

Candle

Fast.

Everything seems so fast. One moment im sitting there, watching a random disney movie and then bam. Im suddenly all jittery.

My head was replaying old memories, --because i daydream more than I'd like to admit-- then the questions I've always avoided comes to mind:

"Does anyone really care about me? Will i ever be enough? Am i just a lousy distraction for them?"

I've recently come to terms with the light sides, explaining why i am the way i am. Where i came from, wanting to help instead of breaking. It's been a year since that day, we've all been hanging out more to. I made a family..

Thanks to myself for being like this. Thinking irrational shitty thoughts about myself. It's always about me and what i feel. Why can't i just put other's infront of everything else? Make sure there ok? Why must i deem it down to me with every excuse to why im not good enough?

It doesn't fucking matter! No one cares! No one cares if im good enough or not! Im making this shit up, causing thoughts to run inside my head, spiral into a panic attack. They never seen me in that kind if mode before.. I can't mess this whole Friendship thing up..

Tears blur my eyes, i frantically use the sleeves of my jacket to soak them up. I pretend to yawn instead so know one will get suspicious. I glance at them, only light source in the room being the TV playing. It illuminates their faces, showing that their whole attention is drawn to the movie.

Perfect timing. Im sitting in the corner end of the couch, so all i gotta do is slowly but surely creep out without being seen. And if they do spot me, i can just say im tired. Simple right?

Slowly raising up from the couch, never once tearing my vision away from the other's, i take my leave down the hallway toward my room. My head and chest were caving in, flight or fight instincts kicking into 6th gear. Screaming to look behind if anyone was following. My shaking hands turn the knob to my door and i quietly as possible close it behind me.

A pounding headache vibrates my head, tiny little noises from the creeky flooring makes me so frustrated. I grip my hair and clench my eyes shut. The very shallow breaths i inhale and exhale seem so loud. Everything is so god damn ear piercing!

An impulse to throw something, tear down all the shelfs on my wall, throw objects in pure confusion and anger. My own skin feels hot, i gasp for continuously. Tears streaming down my cheeks like water falls.

I go over to my desk and push everything off, clattering it all to the floor. Erupting a scream from my throat, kicking the basket of clothes, throwing books and pencils all round. Digging nails into my arm, crying hysterically.

Collapsing to the carpet, hugging myself in deafeat. The door opens, i hear a voice. Or voices.

"Im here it's ok, it's ok. I've got you, I've got you."

Their gentle tone whispers into my ears, my sobbing noises morphing to hiccups. We rock back and forth ever so slightly, soothing the anger and hotness away.

"Nothing's happened, you can calm down now."

A soft voice sings to me, and i listen.

"Your not a monster and no one's gonna shut you out"

"Mom and dad love you, you can come home now. Of course you're friends love you what are you talking about?"

The person hugs me, as we still slightly rock.

I hug back.

Tears still there, but not streaming. Head hurting, but not pounding. Breaths becoming normal while heart feels warm.

"Have the strength to push away all the pain from yesterday. Cause there's nothing worth crying about."

"Your heart is a candle and i won't let you blow it out."

"Shh it's ok."

I say nothing, but hug. A scent of cookies calms me greatly. I open my eye's and im met with Patton. He pulls away and has a sympathetic smile on his features. My room being an utter mess now.

"Are you ok Virgil?" He asks with a soft tone.

I look right into his brown eyes, through those round glasses.

"I don't know.." I whisper, throat sore from earlier.

"You want to talk? Or want a distraction?"

"Distraction.." I whisper again.

"Ok. We'll clean this up later. Let's go get you some water." He stood up and offered me a hand. The song playing inside my head. And that one line still lingering around.

Your heart is a candle and i won't let you blow it out.