How Can I Say

When Is the Right Time

"You're...paying..." Wonpil laughed, still out of breath from running all the way to the ice cream shop. He leaned against the brick wall, taking a few moments to catch his breath. Dowoon stood a few feet away, hands on his knees as he bent over, breathing heavily.

"Stupid of me to...think I was able to run this far...after getting only a few hours of sleep." He murmured between his breaths.

"Why did you go to bed late?" Wonpil heard his friend's quiet comment and stepped closer, curious to know the answer. He knew Dowoon well enough to know that the guy would sleep the day and night away if only given a chance. It was unusual for him to not be the first one passed out asleep.

"Ah...I got hungry late at night so I got up to eat and couldn't go back to sleep." Dowoon stood up straight, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You're such a bad liar." Wonpil grinned, raising his hand and giving Dowoon's cheek a playful poke with his finger.
"Oh I know! You were thinking about a girl but you're too embarrassed to tell me about it?"

"Dont talk nonsense." The younger shook his head and stepped up to the door of the shop, pulling it open. Wonpil's question was normal, they were close friends and would always tell each other about their crushes. If only Wonpil knew how much more complicated the situation was this time.

"Alright then, keep your secrets." Wonpil jokingly pouted, following him inside.

The shop was small and cozy, a few round tables covered in patterned tablecloths, quiet music playing in the background. Dowoon looked around, choosing the furthest table which stood right by the window.
'Perfect for a serious conversation' he decided, leading their way to it, convinced that by the time they finish their ice creams he would be ready to confess.

×××

"..and then I saw Jae in his bed, they were cuddling!" Wonpil widened his eyes, explaining what he saw the night before. "I couldn't believe my eyes, really." He dramatically shook his head, bringing a spoonful of ice cream to his lips.

"I saw them together this morning." Dowoon added, "Why do you think Jae finally became okay with cuddling? I really thought he hated it as much as Sungjin." Wonpil answered with an intrigued shrug, just as clueless as the latter.

Silence fell upon the two as they dug into their ice cream, lost in thought. Wonpil has ordered strawberry flavored with chocolate syrup and Dowoon was enjoying his mint and chocolate chip.

Noticing a drop of his friend's melted ice cream on the table, Dowoon picked up a napkin, wiping it away. He was ready to pull his hand back when he felt Wonpil's hand on top of his own. Looking up at the guy in confusion he noticed a mischievous smile spreading across Wonpil's face.

"What's this all about?"

"Your hands are tiny." Wonpil responded in a teasing manner.

"No they're not!" Dowoon protested, pulling Wonpil's hand up and pressing their palms together just to prove that his fingers were indeed longer.

Noticing a satisfied grin on his friend's face Dowoon realized that it was all a part of Wonpil's plan. Their fingers naturally curled down, comfortably resting between each other's. It was the first time they had held hands this way but Dowoon's fingers felt so right curled up around Wonpil's knuckles, he'd been waiting for this moment for years.

This hasn't lasted longer than a few seconds but so many thoughts had rushed through Dowoon's head as he gazed down at their hands. He was ready to confess right then and there. His heart felt like it was ready to jump out of his chest as he felt a gentle squeeze. Wonpil's hand was shaking.

"Are you alright?" Dowoon mumbled in surprise. His eyebrows narrowed as he noticed his friend's shoulders stiffen up as his head dropped. Slowly, Wonpil pulled his hand away, hiding it under the table.

Confusion turned to worry as Dowoon tried to understand what he did wrong. It was Wonpil who held his hand in the first place so what made him upset?

"How about we go walk around somewhere?" Wonpil's voice interrupted the other's train of thought. It sounded happy as usual but there was a hint of something else to it. "It's cloudy but warm today, I want to go to the park."

The idea seemed random but Dowoon didn't mind, glad to do anything Wonpil would ask for. He tried to catch Wonpil's eyes, to understand what the guy was feeling, but the brunet just looked down, not letting his friend see into his mind just yet.

×××

"So beautiful..." Wonpil's voice was hushed as he spoke, looking around. The two were walking through the park but it looked like they were in heaven. Surrounded by blooming cherry trees, the guys stood still, just taking in the view. The softest movement of the tree branches would cause a thousand tiny pink petals to fly through the air, falling under their feet.

"Isn't this the most romantic spot on Earth?" Wonpil asked after a few long minutes of comfortable silence. The pair was slowly walking, letting the petals fall onto their heads and shoulders. If anyone was to look at them from aside, they would for sure guess that the boys were both deeply in love with each other. Their smiles said it all.

"So why did you bring me of all people to a spot like this? I thought romantic spots were for dates." Dowoon sat under one of the trees, pressing his back against it. The older answered with a quick shrug, taking his jacket off and putting it on the ground right next to Dowoon. He sat down with a soft sigh, immediately leaning closer to his friend's side.

"I just thought you'd enjoy being here as much as I do. These trees only bloom once a year."

Dowoon responded with a nod. This seemed like the perfect time. They were sitting in the middle of an empty park, surrounded by blooming cherry trees, what other place could be more perfect for a confession?

Collecting his thoughts, he remembered about how upset Wonpil got back at the cafe and decided to ask about it first.

"Hey Pili, why did you get upset back at the cafe?" He cleared his throat, looking up. He could see the gray sky through the blooming tree branches. A long silence followed, making all kinds of regretful thoughts rush through Dowoon's mind. He shouldn't have asked that.

"Tell me, do you feel sad when you think about a very expensive drumset that you can't afford?" Wonpil's question seemed odd. Of course Dowoon would feel sad if he thought about something he couldn't get but...what does this have to do with Wonpil? "Well it's what I feel whenever I think about someone. Someone very special to me."

The phrase has left Dowoon even more confused than what he had started with. There was no way Wonpil was talking about him, was there? Not wanting to assume anything and end up being hurt by his own expectations, Dowoon took a deep breath, ready to clear things up once and for all.

"Do-" he stopped before he could even begin. Hearing soft breaths coming from the other guy, Dowoon looked down, realizing that Wonpil had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

"Why are you are so adorable..." He let out a breathy chuckle, not believing his own eyes.

He sat still for a few minutes before reaching out and taking Wonpil's hand. Very carefully, he held it with both of his hands, gently rubbing the guy's knuckles.

"I wish you knew what you're doing to me. There hasn't been a time that I looked at you without thinking about how much you really mean to me. I know it's probably not me that you're thinking about but no matter who it is, I'll always stay by your side. Even though I can't bring myself to confess right now, I will find another way to do it, I'll show you how loved you really are."

With that, Dowoon placed a soft kiss on the top of his Wonpil's head, burying his nose into his soft hair. "Why is it only easy to talk about my feelings when I know you can't hear me?" He whispered breathlessly, closing his eyes.