Forbidden Darkness (The Forbidden Darkness Chronicles, #1)

Twenty-Six

Evening rolled around with little to no success when it came to figuring out what the Perfect World was. If you Googled "the Perfect World," none of the results were very helpful, and Lena wanted to leave to go grab some of the "ancient texts"—yes, those were her exact words—from the Hideout. I, on the other hand, wanted to stay with Kristen and continue researching online. If anyone in the world knew about this and they used the internet, there had to be something. And the one thing I wanted, which was for Philip to go with Lena, I didn't get.

"I shouldn't leave," he said. "Right now there's a much bigger danger."

I wanted to laugh at how stupid he sounded. I was a Monster Hunter now, and if anything too big happened, we probably wouldn't be able to fight it anyway, not that I wouldn't try. So when I begged Lena to take Philip, she tried, but in the end she failed. So that left me sitting at my laptop with Kristen beside me and Philip standing across the room observing me. His eyes seemed to be shooting right through me and I could feel them even when I wasn't looking. Finally, after twenty minutes of it, I looked up and shouted, "Can you stop?"

The look he gave me was one of utter confusion. "What?"

"Don't what me!" I shouted. "You've been giving me the googly-eyes the entire damn time we've been up here. I don't know what you think you're getting, but it's not any of me!"

"That's not what you said last night."

I think my jaw practically hit the floor, as did Kristen's, and she seemed to be reeling from the revelation he just blurted out ever so kindly. I couldn't even believe that had just happened. I watched as my best friend got up and stormed out of the room, leaving me alone with him. Great. Just what I wanted, more time to be mind-raped.

"Was that necessary?" I demanded. "I think you just really hurt her feelings again. You're getting way too good at it."

"It was an accident," Philip replied. "I was just trying to remind you—"

"Of our kiss? Are you serious? I don't think it's something I really want to remember. And it's something that you need to let go because you're not getting any more." My stomach tightened at my own words and I wondered how long I could convince myself it was true. The way his sad green eyes looked at me, I nearly gave in. "We just can't, okay? Not with...not with all this. And with Kristen being my best friend it just seems a little backstabbing. We don't need to give her anymore reasons to be upset or depressed, do you think? Kadin will go after her. Besides, earlier you just kind of blew me off. I figured you just thought I was nothing."

Philip's eyes widened in surprise. "You thought I was blowing you off?"

"Well, you weren't welcoming me with open arms," I said, thinking about our kiss in the car. "When I basically told you I didn't like you, you just brushed it off."

Philip's eyes gleamed with tears. "You think that I did that because I don't care about you?"

A lump caught in my throat just then and I couldn't get rid of it. "I-I don't really know. I mean...I know that this must be hard for you, Philip, but we really just can't...if we do, it could ruin everything for Kristen that she's worked so hard to gain back. She's happy now."

Philip nodded and I knew he knew the truth. We really couldn't be together as much as we wanted to. I stood up to go out in the hall to fetch Kristen, who was leaning against the wall breathing heavily looking as if she were about to cry. I was such a terrible friend.

"Kristen," I said, "are you okay?"

She nodded but didn't meet my eyes. "What happened with him? Did you guys have sex?"

The question wasn't accusatory, just curious. Sad. Heartbreaking. "No," I told her. "We didn't have sex. I'm not that big of a slut, you know."

She laughed at that, wiping a single tear that fell down her cheek. "Yeah, I know. Ha, I don't know why I kept imagining that was what you did. Was it a kiss?"

I nodded, knowing honesty was the best policy right now. "We kissed and...I just knew I couldn't be with him. Not after what he put you through."

I sat down beside her and neither one of us said a word. All I could think about was Philip, Kadin, and the fact that I was a new Monster Hunter. Everything about me was different. My life went from normal to this in less than a week, but for some reason, that didn't bother me. I had a purpose and I could see that my purpose was going to come to good use eventually.

Finally, Kristen asked, "Am I holding you back?"

Her question caught me off guard. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what I asked. Am I holding you back? From Philip? Do you really care about him?"

I knew what I wanted to say, but how could I explain how I cared about someone so quickly? Since the second I laid eyes on him I knew I was feeling something, and now that I'd kissed him, talked to him about it, and thought about it for hours at a time, it felt so real. He was real, but high school relationships hardly ever lasted. Did I want to push my luck, only to be heartbroken in the future?

"I don't know," I said, "I think I care about him but it's hard to tell. Either way, I don't want to hurt you and I don't plan on ever doing so."

Kristen changed the subject almost immediately, standing up and brushing herself off. "Well, come on. We need to figure out what Kadin's really up to. Just don't let me be the one to hold you back from happiness."