In Thought of You

The Only One Who Understands

Farrah

Why can't I just have a normal family? One with a real mother, and maybe a father that actually loves you more than his second wife. Some real sisters that talk to you and don't give you thier sorry looks. They don't deserve to live in a home that used to be so calm, so loving, a home where a real family used to live, but its too late now. It's already been taken over, nothing can stop it either. Ignorance has gotten the best of my father, and he won't believe me when I say she's not the one. He's been brainwashed with his own tears that have fallen for her. He lost his way and now follows her like a sheep. If he is following any Shepherd it should be me, I can lead him down the path he needs to be on. Yet, something keeps getting in the way.

It's her, the one that started this mess, the one that told him she's more important than I am, the one that told him I'm a terrible daughter to him. All she wants is to be the favorite, he used to care for me more than anything. He would do anything just to be there for me, now he doesn't even have time to read lyrics I came up with anymore. We used to write songs together, mess with our voices and make techno dance party songs, play guitar and do something acoustic. Not anymore, just me in his studio making my own stuff. He never goes in there anymore either, too many past memories of me, mom and him inside. It's too bad, now he doesn't get to hear what I have to say about him and these things living in my home.

Most people hate school, they just want to be at home doing nothing. Not me, I can't even leave my house without giving every single detail on where I'm going. School is my getaway to go do whatever I want without people judging me. When I'm at home I can't even listen to my own music without them telling me to turn it off even though they cant hear it from where they are in the house. When I draw they like to look at my art, it's annoying as fuck because every time they do they ask,

"Why do you always draw death?"

"Why is it always so dark?"

"Why don't you draw something with brighter colors?" I can't stand it. The last time The Devil asked me what I was drawing I said "you." She looked at it and then told me," Farrah, you need to learn to be nicer to your mother."

That's when I lost it.

"You will never be my mother! Just because my real mom is gone absolutely does not mean that you can just replace her you phsycotic bitch! You will never be a mother to me because you even took the only thing I had left of my real mom! Why the hell would you ever even think of doing that to me?! You knew I how much she meant to me yet you still take advantage of that! You're a terrible person and you always will be! Now get the fuck out of MY HOUSE and take your piece of shit daughters with you bitch!"

After that, she called my dad and told him everything. He came home immediately and told me that she was my mother now and I need to respect her. Do I to this day? No, because she's a phsycotic control freak that needs everything to be perfect. That's why she doesn't like me, because I'm different. I'm creative and think of things in a different way. Everything that they have put me through just makes me want to leave this planet, but there's one person that I know wouldn't be able to handle if I left. My grandmother, I tried running away to her house once but my dad had already caught me before I could. My grandma is the only one who understands me, the only one who is there for me when I need help, the only one who accepts who I really am.

I go to her house after school every day to talk to her. It's like having a piece of my mother there again. She says the same thing about me, it's nice though. That we both get to the my mom inside eachother to talk to when we're having problems.

I'm going to her house today after school again, She's been working over-time for the past few days to make a little more money. She lives in a huge house, my grandpa's a doctor at a big hospital and she's a dentist in the same area. She's trying to make more money to take custody of me, to finally put me in a stabilized home where I don't get bruises for not listening to The Devil. That would be nice, but I have to wait only a few more weeks before my grandparents give my dad a proposal to take me with them. Oh what heaven that would be. So, for now just get good grades, possibly make friends that won't stab you in the back, and be myself.

Actually, I think I might have made a new friend. He bumped into me in Workshop and we walked to Trigonometry together. We have all of our classes together thank God, he never really talks to anyone though. I think that's why I like him, I just stopped talking when my old friends took me into the bathroom and slammed my face on the sink. They took video too, everyone laughed at me for about a month and when I went home that day this is what The Devil told me,

"Maybe if you weren't such a bitch to everyone this wouldn't happen to you Farrah."

Again I lost it and went off on her. I went to the doctor and found out they broke my nose and fractured my cheekbone. I had a black-eye for a while and then they took me into surgery to fix my cheekbone. I was out of school for three weeks, that was being home for three weeks, and talking to my grandma on the phone while everyone was out. She was the only one who visitied me in the hospital to make sure I was okay. The Devil and my father only came because they had to.

"Hey, are you okay?" Gael asked. I looked over at him feeling a tear roll down my face, I quickly wiped it away and looked down at my paper.

"I'm fine." I replied. He put his head down on his desk and looked at me,

"You don't look fine, do you want to talk about it?" I sniffed and looked over at him, I didn't realize how much taller he was than me. Although, I'm really short so that's no suprise. His light brown eyes opened wider as if asking me once more.

"At lunch, maybe." He looked down at his paper and back at me. He looked almost confused with what I said.

"Okay." He looked at me and smiled. He's adorable I have to admit, but I'm afraid of what will happen if I tell him everything. Maybe he's a nice person that will help me with my problems, He looks like it. I guess I'll just have to figure it out once lunch comes.