Put back together

48. Moving on

Patton didn't like Remus very much.
Simply the fact that he didn't seem to have any clothes made the baker extremely uncomfortable. The tentacles and the behaviour didn't exactly help.

So he couldn't say that he was disappointed or sad when Logan had asked Remus to come with them and Remus had laughed manically and told him that there was no hecking way he would.

He hadn't said 'hecking' but Patton still felt guilty from swearing earlier and even if he hadn't been the one to do it he also felt guilty for Roman stabbing Virgil, so he didn't want to make it any worse by swearing even more.

Sure, they hadn't known about the king's curse and it would've been nice if someone could have told the guards and they hadn't have to sleep in the gross dungeon, but there was a high chance that Virgil could die because of them.

Patton remembered the blood that had dripped onto the stairs and felt sick. There had been so much.
Too much.

Remus refused to tell them why he didn't want to come with them (Patton guessed it was the stabbing-thing) or why he had so suddenly given up on killing them, no matter how many pointed questions Logan asked.
He just told them that he'd head back to the castle and then he jumped back into the swamp.
Black water sprayed onto the footwalk and Patton barely managed to protected his face form it.

Somewhere in the fog he heard Remus cackle and the sound send shivers down his spine.

Patton grabbed Logan's hand and let all the bad feelings be washed away.
Logan shot him a confused look so Patton forced a smile onto his face to silently reassure him that he was fine. It was a lot easier with the comforting touch and seemed to convince Logan.

Elliott had curled around his shoulders. They had not only gotten a lot bigger since the last time they had done so but also heavier, not that Patton minded.

"So..." Roman spoke up staring into the fog where Remus had disappeared. "Let's just... move on, then."

He stood up and hesitantly offered a hand to Patton and Logan.

Patton took it, feeling like he could use the help getting up, and regretted it immediately.

Touching Logan was like being wrapped up in a warm, soft blanket and held while the marks his skin softly glowed, like distant stars in the night sky.

Touching Roman as well was like being hit by a giant, incredibly fluffy, overly excited dog and tackled to the ground while the marks lit up like a match being held into a candle.

Logan and Roman dropped his hands at the same time and once he had regained his balance somewhat Patton saw the confusion he was feeling on their faces.

"That was...," Logan adjusted his glasses, seemingly looking for the right word, "a lot."

"Maybe we shouldn't do that," Patton suggested. "Or at least not suddenly."

Roman nodded, staring down at his hands as if the tiny scars and callouses could spell out an explanation to this entire situation.

They mostly walked in silence even after they finally left the swamp behind them.
The sun stood low over the horizon, bathing the entire country side in an orange and yellow hue.

It reminded Patton of the late summer evenings on his mothers' farm and paintings he had seen in temples or in the castle, except that the paintings only showed how beautiful the gras and trees looked in this light and not how flattering it was on people.

Patton tried not to stare at the other two men and failed miserably.

Logan's features looked softer like this and his dark hair contrasted against his pale skin. A few strands fell into his face after the long day and they had gotten a bit wavy from the moist swamp air.
His lips were thin and Patton wondered what they'd fell like against his and tried to shake of the fantasy before his blush became too obvious.

Roman's skin looked almost golden like dark honey. He had rolled up his sleeves and Patton noticed a few small freckles on his arms where they weren't covered by bandages.
His hair looked like fire in the sunset and most of it had slipped from the short ponytail, framing his face nicely.

Being around them felt like home.
It felt like winter evenings by the fire place, cuddling up to Mum and Mama and eating sweets. It felt the way a freshly baked bread smelt and butterfly wings fluttering over his skin, surrounded by fields of flowers.

Thinking about it he realised that - despite of the disgust he had felt - part of him had been disappointed when Remus had disappeared.

Did that mean...
Where these feelings only because they were part of a bigger whole?
Wasn't this love after all?

Was he even capable of actual love?

A broken piece wasn't supposed to feel anything like love.
So what if he only felt drawn to people because he longed to be complete?

No.
He loved his mothers'. He loved puppies and kittens. He loved baking and flowers and butterflies and he loved snow and he loved so many things.
Those feelings were his. They were real.

Right?

The doubt hung itself over him like a cloud, curling around itself, ever moving.

Without even thinking about it he grabbed onto the nearest hand.

Roman's eyes landed on him, the right one framed by a red glowing spiral and he gave the baker a small smile, squeezing his hand gently.

Patton forced himself to smile back before letting his gaze drift down to the light blue crescent moon like shape on the back of his hand.

He missed the way Logan's eyes narrowed at their entwined hands.

"We should reach a city called Yunip soon," he announced. "There we'll most likely find a place to stay for the night but we should be careful to avoid any unnecessary attention."

"We should also try to avoid any soldiers or guards we might see," Roman agreed and let go of Patton's hand, who silently mourned the contact.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Feel free to comment, ask questions or roast me for spelling errors!

Have a nice (gay) day!