Hamliza One-Shots

Hamliza crackshot

It was a sunny day in Philadelphia when Alexander Hamilton burst into flames.

"Oi what the fuck is wrong with you?" Eliza exclaimed passionately, swatting Alexander like the dirty fly he is.

"nO bAbY doN't SwEaR iM fiNe" Alexander danced around the room.

"Ok that's okay." Eliza said, falling into a kiss with Alexander.

Angelica fell from the ceiling.

"You stole my man!!1!1" She exclaimed, stealing Alexander.

"No uwuwuwu you were never mine!" Alexander scrambled back to his buff wife.

"That's right, back off whore!" Eliza renegaded. So did Alexander.

Angelica took Alexander's brain from his head.

"Owie, that hurty wurty :(" Alexander bashfully exclaimed. Angelica tweaked his brain so he was only in love with her. She stuffed it back into his head.

"Oh uwuwu Angelica I love you sexy." He owoed sexily.

"nOoOOoOOoOO" Eliza fell to her knees. Angelica laughed like a maniac and accidentally hit Alexander in the face, causing the bitch to black out.

"Wat have you done?" She asked Eliza and pointed to him. "Look."

Eliza looked into his eyes. "It looks like he isn't in love with you anymore, kid!!!" She said.

"No! Stop! It hurts!" Angelica said as Eliza disintegrated her.

"That's what she said." Eliza smiled. She turned her head to her now very much alive husband and ripped his shirt open, revealing 20 American flag and Bald Eagle tattoos.

"So sexxy." She told him, and he chuckled in pink. Ding dong!

Oh?

But who is that at the door?

Well it's Hercules Mulligan- I'm just kidding. It's John Laurens.

And he's angry.

And gay.

"LiZArD wHaT tHe FUcK aRe YoU dOinG wItH mY bOYfrIenD" He sksksk'd, making an "And I Oop-" noise with his thicc ass. He was fuming, and you could see it with the steam tooting out of his ears. Alexander gasped with horror and white privilege.

"I don't love you!" He fainted. Eliza looked at the burnt mass at her feet, and poured the entire Atlantic Ocean onto the pitiful creature. She turned to Laurens passively.

"No, he's mine you Dr. Phil wannabe!" She screeched like a bald eagle. Laurens pulled out a splash potion from Minecraft out of his hair. It was a love potion!!1!1!!! He held it over Alexander menacingly.

"I won't hesitate, bitch!" He passionately splattered the love mass onto the burnt, raw Alexander. Suddenly, Alexander turned into a unicorn! He squeaked and whipped and nae naed.

"Oh noes! It seems I have used the unicorn potion!" The gay John uwued.

"FUCK NOW I have to leave!" Eliza moaned in blue.

"To the secret lab!" John declared with such nobility and grace.

Eliza, Gay John, and Unicorn Alexander strutted their way towards The Gay Secret Lab (trademark). Whoregay Washing machine stopped the threesome in their tracks.

"Are you going to The Gay Secret Lab (trademark)?" He asked with such thunder. Eliza nodded, trying to be intimidating. Whoregay was impressed.

"Well that's great! Just step into the portal!" Their heads whipped towards the big, rainbow portal that stood in front of them. Whoregay nodded and yeeted himself to the sun.

"What a nice little bitch." Eliza smiled, content with the portal. She leaped through.

Gay John and Unicorn Alexander both stumbled like dumbasses through the portal. They arrived at The Gay Secret Lab (trademark).

"Pull the level, Kronk!" Unicorn Alexander told a chicken named Kronk. Kronk grew buff human arms and his feathers rippled into a sexy 69-pack. He picked Eliza up and flashed a uwu owo smile at her.

"I own your soul now." He patted her face passionately before flying off. Eliza screamed louder than Ariana Grande can hit those high notes, and Kronk's wig flew to Jupiter. He dropped Eliza, and her body flung to the ocean.

"Not my uwu wifey poo!" Alexander cried, turning into a bird. Then he remembered that he couldn't actually turn into a bird, so he fell down with Eliza into the ocean.

In the middle of falling, Eliza did a backflip, cracking her neck and spine into one big blob. Alexander sighed.

The sexy sexy beast that was Alexander turned into one of those giant zombies from Minecraft and pulled his hot wife from out of the water onto a nearby iceberg made with Lams shipper's tears. There was a rustling sound.

Angelica was back.

And she was angry.

And horny.

"You steal my man I steal your life!" She announced, putting on the infinity gauntlet. She snapped, killing both Alexander and Eliza.

"Eliza wiza, I don't feewl so gwood." Alexander did that stupid pointer finger thing that's trending for some reason. "I don't know what's hwappening, swenpai. Swave mwe." He disintegrated next to Eliza.

"No that's not what was supposed to happen!!!!1!" Angelica snapped again, bringing them back. But in turn, she disintegrated herself!

"Mothertrucker dude!" She stomped. She was angry and purple.

Eliza moaned and so did Alexander. Gay Laurens gasped and shrugged.

"There go two of my problems." He said, taking Kronk and flying off into the sunset as Alexander and Eliza began to have turtle sex under the beautiful sun.

The end.