To My Future Child

The Beginning

   DARBY POV

Today is the day I start over,  again.

At thirty years old I thought I was done with looking. I am starting to learn, however, that I am stuck in relationship purgatory. From sixteen to twenty there was Iris. She was my high school sweetheart. Things were going well until we moved in together. She changed. She blamed it on the stress, I blamed it on her alcohol problem. Once I ended up in the hospital for the third time with stitches in my head from where she threw a trophy at my head, I decided enough was enough.

From twenty one to twenty three there was Hannah. Again, things were going great until we moved in together. Three months after moving in together I came home to find her in bed with our next door neighbor. I didn't know who I pitied most at that moment, her for stooping so low, him for having been so shocked he fell off the bed, or myself for thinking I had something to look forward to.

After Hannah I took two years off of dating, putting me at twenty five. I met Penelope then. This time I took things slow. We didn't move in together until I proposed to her. I was about to sell my house and move into hers when I came off after work and she told me she couldn't pretend any longer. She wasn't in love with me, and she hadn't been for about a year is what she told me. I wish I could say I was surprised at this point, but again, I should have known I was stuck in this hell-like thing. Whomever I pissed off in my past life must have been friends with the devil.

That brings me here, putting away the last few boxes I had snagged from Penelope's house. It was a harrowing moment as I realized I had it all. I had the house in a decent suburb. It was a bit shabby, but in a nice neighborhood and with a few touches would be the perfect starter home. I had been with my company since I was twenty two and was a manager for a non-profit organization. I had pulled my way from a low position and was proud to be where I am now. While not the job that will pull in the most money, it was more than enough to care for myself and my family.

Oh, wait, I had no family. I wanted a family, however. I never knew how desperately I grasped to the ideal family until this moment where, at thirty, I thought I'd have a kid or at least a person in my life I'd eventually want to have a kid with. 

I didn't have the best childhood. My parents were fine until one day they weren't. It was almost like a switch flicked between them. My mother could barely stomach being in the same room with my father. My dad could never look any of us in the eye anymore. It wasn't a surprise when he left. While I think by that point my mom didn't hold any love for him, it broke whatever resolve she had left in her. She turned into a shell. I took care of her more than she took care of me, which is part of the reason I thought I'd be a damn good dad. I already had to raise someone and keep them alive, and I was much younger than I am now. Whatever happened between my parents I'll never know, the secret died with her three years ago.

I always promised myself I would never bring a child into that type of situation, that there would be honesty in their life. I would never force my child to have to grow up before they needed to, and to protect them from the world so long as I could and when I couldn't protect them, I'd turn it into a teachable moment.

Hours passed as I sat and stared mindlessly at the show on the television, a drink in my hand as thoughts about starting a family spiraled through my mind. I never thought I'd be raising a kid alone, but I think this might be what I have to do if I want a kid. Women do it all the time, well maybe I was being rather naive, but I didn't care. I would do anything in my power to have a child and I will be the best damn father out there.

TEMPERANCE POV

I had never been the most responsible person in the world. In fact, I was probably the most irresponsible person I had ever met. As dismayed as my parents are by that fact, I was kind of proud of it.