Clarissa's Suicide Note

Julietta

I'm going be looking right at your bloody punched face if you don't shut up.

That's what I was thinking at that exact same moment. Instead, you'll remember I told you that I was staring at a fake piece of plastic. that's when you got really mad. You didn't do anything though since we were in the middle of class. Instead, spoiler alert, you poisoned my food during lunch, and I had to go home because of that.

That's later on however. We will get there though, and trust me, we will.

The rest of the class was pretty basic, boring in fact. Not to mention it was annoying and I spent most of my time texting an internet friend we called Karli. When I say we, I actually mean me. Anyway, we read the chapter, did the assessment which I copied half off Melanie and the other half she copied off of me. Allinsan just did her work and skipped some questions she was too lazy to do, and copied those from us. We did this all in front of the teachers face. I honestly think he doesn't care.  Everything was going well so far so I decide to take out Eliza's homework and start copying it. That's when I felt eyes pierce into my back. I looked behind me to see you. Yes you, don't play games with me because you know who you are and what you have done Julietta. I swear to you once I'm dead, I will haunt you and I will make sure you die first. I've always hated you ever since our first meeting in 6th grade. Remember that? You said Hi to me. You complimented me on my beautiful, long, curly hair. Remember that? I never wanted to declare war on you. What was it that made you hate me, were you jealous of me? Then again why would you be jealous of the girl everyone hates. Why would anyone like me. I'm shy and awkward and I only have 2 fucking friends for Pete's sake. Who the fuck is Pete anyway and why do I care about his fucking sake? I hate it all. Why did you have to go and make me feel like I was worthless? Was it because I made you feel worthless for some reason? I am still trying to comprehend and trying to understand why you would want me to go through all this pain. All for nothing.

I had to quickly stop before my thoughts became wild with rage and fury. Yes those were my exact thoughts. They were all about you Julietta. I notice Melanie is looking at me with a sort of confused, almost worried expression.

"Are you okay Cla? Melanie's furrowed her eyebrows and I grinned.

"I'm fine." I lie, keeping the smile on my face. I turn around and fumble in my seat to get comfortable. The lesson begins, and I feel sleep overcome my whole entire body. I lean back in my seat and I feel fingers playing with my hair which only added to my drowsiness. I could feel every single fiber of hair come alive with every touch. It was as if I was floating on the clouds and there was no possible way of falling. I felt the voices around me grow softer, and eventually stop completely.

I didn't even realize I was asleep until I awoke to the sound of Mr. Ronilla handing us a guided reading activity to do. I rubbed my eyes and I was momentarily blind as I tried to fix my now dry contacts. There was a guided reading on my desk, and Melanie was shaking my chair. Probably trying to wake me up.

"Claaaaaarrr." She seemed to be tired as she stopped shaking the chair with as much force as previously.

"Hmm?" I mumbled to her and dang my voice was dry and hoarse.

"Dang... How long was I out?" I stretched out on her desk and I tilted to face her upside down.

"It's ten."

Man you should have seen her face. She was so unamused it was hilarious.

"Give me ten more minutes... Or just wake me up when you've finished the work." I smirked and I felt Melanie's palm slap my back with more force than a bullet. Bottom line, that shit hurt like fuck.

"How about you do your own work, and then we can go over the answers." She remarked with a really bitchy face.

"Intimidating." I grinned and she stuck her tongue out. She returned to the work. If only you could have done the same Julie. I took out my phone and texted karli for a while, then taking out my earphones and plugging them in. I felt heavy metal blast into my left ear. I had to turn it down due to the fact it seemed like everyone could hear it. By now it was 10:15 and Melanie was finished and I haven't even started. I quickly finished it though, leaving some answers blank on purpose.

"What did you get for 4.B?" I looked over at her paper but she took it away and pouted. She really is the cutest being imaginable.

"The Carolingian empire or some shit like that." I smiled and she grinned as well. Then we burst out laughing.

"Thanks." I turn around and I see you Julietta running away from my desk. In huge letters, the word FAG was written on it.

Now I know I act like I'm tough shit, and nothing can pierce my armor, but that fucking hurts. I wonder if you know what it feels like to be the outcast, how it feels like to be told your too different or that your weird.  You don't know, you know nothing at all. I turn around and I see you giving me the middle finger and mouthing go kill yourself.

So I thought about it. Now I'm writing this. I hope you got what you wanted. This day was what started my preparations.

Oh but it wasn't just today. Let me remind you about the five years in which you have endlessly taunted me, bullied me, made me feel worthless, made it seem like I was a huge failure, you made it seem like I was nothing but a dissapointment, a waste of space. Eventually, I believed it.

So thank you Julietta for the awakening.

But don't think I'm done with you yet.

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Shortish chapter I guess!

I'll try to keep updating as soon as I can, but school hits hard. Please comment and vote, that really gives me motivation!!

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Love you guys!