hii ✨ I'm back again. Wow it just keeps getting later every time, doesn't it?
Today I slept through my alarm at woke up at 12pm lmao
I didn't know what to do today so I downloaded hulu on my phone so I can watch steven universe, one of my favorite shows (and some other shows that aren't on netflix and such.) I basically created an account specifically for the 30 day trial and I have a reminder to cancel it (in 29 days just in case lol)
My foot still kinda hurt today from like, VI O LEN T LY TWIS TI N G IT but its a whole lot better luckily. Anyway about the trash thing (read yesterday's post), I got dressed and put shoes on, and got gloves and a bag to go do it, however my grandma asked what we were doing and I explained it, and that we had gloves but she was like "nOOO dONT Go dO thAt yoULL gET SIcK" (i guess cuz some of it was like in the water?) but anyway I still want to do it so hopefully we can just do it one day and not tell her.
Later after watching more su, at about 4:30 pm I suddenly heard the voice a kid outside my window scream "ICE CREAM TRUUUUUCK" and I literally jumped up INSTINCTUALLY lol, so I ran to get my money and my sibling, like frantically screaming "ICEEEE CREEEEEEEEEEAM" and we were running so fast lol
This is what I got. Just an average ice cream with a good taste but the reason I love going to ice cream trucks is because it gives me nostalgia of when ice cream trucks would come to the playground in my old city when I was little and we would be like "moMY GetUS iÇé cRéÅmmm !!!" and sometimes when we got to we would just sit at the picnic tables and eat them while like half of it melted down our arms from the heat of the sun ✨ good times lol 😂🍦:
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So anyways, not much else happened today. Usually most of the eventful things that happen in my life are on the weekend, which luckily starts tomorrow. The reason that is, is because my mom only doesn't work on the weekend. So I can't go anywhere, I also have like only a couple friends and they dont live near me. So I couldn't go do anything with them. I couldn't during this quarantine anyway so now I'm even more lonely. I could always go make friends but
1: quarantine, literally no one is anywhere they currently do not exist
And 2: sOCIAL ANXIETYYY striKES aGÀINN !! :')
It's ok because I know one day I'll make more friends, but in the mean time I guess I just have to see my 2 friends sometimes, and other than that It's just my family. Currently my mom is the only one I like in my family. Like first of all, my sibling I know I talk a lot about, all the things we do together so it sounds like we're suuper close, right? I love my sibling but no. The only reason we spend this much time together is probably LITERALLY an adaptation of our brains in this environment since we're pretty isolated. Basically just an instinct like "This is what you got, deal with it" and basically because of limited social connection. Again, I'm not going to get into all the reasons we aren't really that compatible right now, but that's just how it is. Moving on, my grandma is just crazy. I love her and she's nice a lot of times, she's just crazy and yells and.. I can't explain it. My grandfather is in the hospital, for 11 months now :( and my dad is like 2000 miles away. But my mom, we are like so compatible together and so funny together, like I love all my family but in terms of how much I like them its her by far, like she's not perfect because no one is but we get along so well like 99% of the time. She's not like, strict or uptight (but she wouldnt let us do dangerous things) and she's just a fun person, also she gives good advice and she's the only person in my family I can actually have a deep conversation with (at least that's physically near me, that is :/)
I wish I had more friends and not just like... My mom lol thats kinda sad if u think about it... But it's really not that sad, is it?
Anyway I'll make more friends and social interactions once I
1: get therapy And 2: return to public school
But for now im good with my couple friends that I see once in a while, a couple online friends, my mom and I guess, my sibling :/
It is kind of impossible to go to public school in these times now, isn't it...
(YES how convenient) :)))
I don't know how this is possible but if I were alone on this planet for the rest of my life I'd somehow be both really sad and really happy???
Like I mean, if I were alone since I was born and had no idea anyone else existed, I wouldn't feel sad, if that makes sense. But since I know there are people out there somewhere I can meet and get really close to and make good memories and connections but I don't have any of those people, I think that's what makes me feel lonely. Maybe that's why a lot of people feel lonely. It's in our biology to want to find people to be friends with, and well, you know.... more than friends with.
But I don't agree when people say love isn't real and its "just a bunch of chemicals in our brains meant for reproduction" and while technically, yeah, that's the main reason people feel it but it's THERE obviously and Its a good thing.
And not just the romantic type of love having to do with hormones and stuff, also platonic love etc.
Like for example, I bet if you ask one of those people who says that (about the chemicals) if they would abandon their dog and they would likely say "...NO??" (if they say yes they suck and you shouldn't take their advice) but if you ask "Why not???" they would probably say "Because I love them???" and if you say, "But that's just a bunch of chemicals right? I thought it didn't exist" they would probably be speechless or try to think of an excuse to combat what you said but no matter what they say after that, they'll go home just like any other day to their dog, probably pet them and later probably fall asleep happily on the couch with them and they won't be thinking about chemicals or science or biology in that moment, they'll be thinking of how much they love their dog and are so happy they're together ✨:)
So anyway, yeah, there are chemicals in your brain that cause you to feel everything, including love. And you feel them. And they're real. And love, along with every other emotion, are some of the most important parts to a person. Without the "chemicals" people wouldn't be people. Saying that is just a scientific way to explain it. There's a scientific way to explain everything. So assuming everything else is real, so is love. And we need it.
Well that's what I have to say for today. Yeah this got a bit messy, hope it makes sense to anyone reading this as much as to me but I'm tired as hell so idk lol.
