They want to tell me what's right, what's wrong, what's black, and what's white..... but they don't know you like I do. They don't understand that under this facade is a young boy who wants to be loved, even if he doesn't know what love is himself.
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Xiao Ying continued to wait throughout the years. She would sneak out at night and wait by the gate, maybe one night Xue Yang would magically show up and be waiting for her like he used to. Xingchen and Wangji both knew she was staying up at night but didn't tell anyone knowing their sister was upset.
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Xiao Ying is now 15 years old, it's been so many years yet she still came out every night with the hope that Xue Yang would be standing there waiting for her to give him candy.
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I don't think you even know that I come out to wait for you every night. I wait by the gate thinking that you'll suddenly whisper my name and be standing there smiling like you used to. A lot has happened since we were kids. I am on missions with my brothers constantly and I'm a top disciple now, aren't you proud of me? Did you grow up to be a cultivator too? Does your finger still hurt? Do you still like candy as much as you used to? Do you still have the blue star? Do you even remember me?
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Xiao Ying didn't know it but Xue Yang was doing the exact same as her, thinking of her and how to go back. If he knew that his life would be this miserable coming to Nevernight, he would've asked Xiao Ying for her help to stay in Gusu. He would choose to live outside of the gate behind a bush for the rest of his life if he had to, it would be better than here.
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If I could come back, I truly would. I knew it wouldn't be the best here but I didn't know it would be this awful. They hit and beat me every day for no reason, now my whole body hurts, not just my finger. But you aren't here to help me anymore. There is a girl named Wen Qing here, she knows a lot about medicine, but she can't help me very much because she's scared of his Excellency, and what he will do to her brother if she steps out of line. I would rather live outside of your gate to see you every night than being stuck in such a dark place. The thoughts inside my head aren't doing very well for me.
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This is just a small filler chapter to give a faster transition from children to teenagers so we can move on with the story I feel like I've been dragging you guys for a while. This chapter also gives you a dive into our main character's thoughts.
I haven't been on very much because online school is so overwhelming, I have to do more online than I do in class. I also haven't been on because I'm kind of bummed out that my senior prom is canceled and I most likely won't get to walk to graduate :(
It's also hard to find the motivation to do anything when I'm just stuck in the house not being able to go anywhere or do anything. I'm sick and tired of only seeing myself in the mirror in the mornings lol. I will try to get on more and write more for both this book and my The Untamed imagine book, which if you haven't gone to check it out please do so! <3
