You Make Me Feel Alive (yoonkook)

Chapter 2

Yoongi pov

The members and I were all waiting on the couches of the main dressing room, waiting for Jungkook to take the Today's Bangtan pictures for our Twitter but we had no idea where he went. A female staff rushed in the room, "we are just going to take the pictures without Jungkook today and tell armys he is sick."
What? Jungkook? sick? He never got sick. I swear that kid had a perfect immune system."He's sick?" asked Namjoon in a concerned voice.

"Well" she started, "he had an anxiety attack."
The six of us all sat up at that. "What? Where is he now? Is he okay? Does he need one of us?" all six of us asked, bombarding her with questions.

She shook her head, "No, I saw manager Sejin rushing him to the parking garage and they left. I'm guessing they are going to the dorms"
We looked at each other in confusion. That doesnt seem like Jungkook, if he's feeling anxious he usually comes to me or Jimin. "Well we should probably change and get back to the dorms quick then," said Namjoon as we all nodded and got up.

Namjoon paused, "we will also have a group meeting too."

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We thanked the driver and got out of the car with our bags and walked into the building. We took the elevator up to our floor and approached the our front door. "Ok just be gentle with him, he's probably really sensitive right now," Jimin said. The rest of us nodded our heads as our hearts ached at the thought of a sad maknae.

Namjoon opened the front door only to be met with a dark, empty hallway. I looked at the shoe rack.

"He's not here" I said pointing to the missing spot where he always puts his shoes. The members sighed and we put our bags down. Namjoon called Sejin right away.

Sejin pov

I kept giving worried glances to Jungkook in the rear view the entire ride home. He hasn't said a word- only sniffled a couple times while looking out the window. I sighed. That kid needs to stop being so hard on himself. Sometimes I wish he didn't have such a big heart so he wouldn't have to suffer as much. My phone started ringing. I winced, thinking it was probably Bang pd calling and answered without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?"
"Sejin hyung? Wheres Jungkookie?"
It was Namjoon.
"Oh we are almost home"
"But you left before us and we just got home."
shit

"Uhh, I made a quick stop at the hospital just to make sure he didn't have a fever or anything," I responded, proud of myself for coming up with a good excuse.

"You needed to go to the hospital for that? Is Jungkook okay?"

"Oh yea he's fine," I said glancing at the maknae in the back,"I just wanted to make sure he wasn't sick. Listen, I'm a couple minutes away I'll see you soon," I hung up to avoid further questions. A silence filled the car when the line ended.

"They are worried about you," I said.

"Yea. Worried about something that didn't happen. They are upset and worried all because of me and my stupid hunger. I don't even deserve their worry, all i do is lie and bother them."

"Jungkookah" I began "you can't help it. Stuff happens and you can't change it. Now get your bag ready, we are almost there."
We pulled up to the apartment building. He muttered a quick "thanks hyung" before pausing and wiping his eyes and sniffing his nose one last time before getting out of the car, waddling to the door.

I sighed for the hundredth time today. 

Yoongi pov

We were all sat on the couch on our phones when we heard the front door open. "Jungkookie is here!" said Taehyung as he sprang up. We all crowded in the hallway as we saw our beloved maknae stumble in with his bucket hat pulled all the way down and a red nose. He'd been crying. He closed the door behind him and looked up and visibly flinched when he saw us all standing there.

"Hi hyungs..." he said walking between us and starting to head for his room, "I'm going to go to bed early."

"Jungkookie"

He turned around at the sound of his name. "We are having a meeting," said Namjoon.
He gulped sightly and muttered an "okay" before putting down his bag and walking to the couches.

Jungoook pov

We all sat on the couches as an awkward silence filled the room. Why did it feel like I was in trouble? They thought I had an anxiety attack right?

I felt a pit in my stomach.
Oh no. What if they know what I did to the deer what if they know what I am what if they are disgusted and afraid they think i'm a monster they are gonna tell me to leave the group im gonna have to go back t-

"Jungkook, you know you can trust us right?" Namjoon asked finally.

"Uhh yeah of course hyung" I replied, nodding my head.

They all looked unsatisfied with my answer.
"Jungkook you never talk to us about your feelings, you never talk about your past, you never tell us whats bothering you, you still haven't explained your extreme phobia of blood to us and now you're running away from us when you have anxiety attacks," he said.
My mind went blank. I couldn't think of a reply because they had a point. All I do is lie to them 24/7. They barely know me at all now that I think of it.

"Jungkook we respect your privacy and we keep waiting for you to open up to us but its been 8 years and we still know just as much about you as when you joined." said Yoongi. I looked down in shame after hearing Yoongi hyung being disappointed in me.

"We love you Jungkookie we are just worried about you." said Jin hyung.

There it is again. Worried. Why are they always worried about me? Why can't they just realize how I don't deserve any of their care or love?

"We are your members Jungkookie. We'll always be here."

I felt a wave of guilt crash into me.
I'm a horrible person.
I'm a killer.
I'm every child's nightmare.
I'm a monster.
I've done horrible things I don't deserve this- this love.

I squeeze my eyes shut trying to stop the thoughts. "Thanks hyungs. I love you all." I said in a weak voice.

"We love you too Jungkookie"

Jungkookie.

A nickname given to me out of the love and endearment they have for me.

I hate Jungkookie. It makes me feel guilty everytime they call me it. It reminds me how I'm living a life of lies.

"I'm going to bed now," I said, getting up and walking to my room.

"You didn't eat dinner though," Jin hyung said but by the time he finished his sentence I was out of the room.