LIFE

PAST [pt.1]

I was ill, from the moment I started to breathe. I have born 2 months premature. It was hard to save me. Half of my life till now, I spend in that hospital room alone

Even that room felt nice than my home. It was actually named as my room in that hospital. I have half of my clothes there; my required things are kept all arranged properly there. That room feels more safe yet dangerous.

I have a weak heart and asthma problem and lot of other allergies. Even I have sickle celled anaemia (not that dangerous though). That time, when I need them the most, they were not there with me. I never wanted to survive. Why should I..., when no one was waiting for me. They all were busy with my older sister, their work, family. When I just wanted someone to hold my hand at least, I had no one. I had to go through those pains alone in that cold room... crying, screaming to get my parents. But they never came. Not even once...

The only person took my hand is my doctor; he is my doctor since my birth. Well he is my father's friend and treats me like his own daughter. He even wanted to adopt me because he has no child back then. He is my savior.

But still I wanted them to at least visit me sometimes. Of course every child will want that right. When I came home, it felt like hell, most of the time, I was alone, and when they were at home, arguments and shits happened. That's why I usually lock myself in my room. U know, we never had a meal together. They were way too busy for me. I was never closed with them. I was always alone in that big house. It was hell for me.

Actually we share a huge age gap between us. Like my sister is 9 years older than me and she always got everyones love and care being the first child. The whole family was there for her, grandparents, uncle, aunt, relatives, cousin; everyone was always there for her. The whole family loves her and I really envy her for that, however I am never that lucky, being the second child and that to sick girl child, my grandparents never even hold me once, I was named UNWANTED, there were no joint family when I was 3 years old. But Im too lazy to blame anyone. Its ok as its something I dont deserve.

It must be surprising, I like to stay at my hospital room more than my own place. At least my doctor was there to hold me back when I was hopeless and stopped fighting. And his wife is an angel. They both treated as if I'm too fragile as glass who will break in a moment. They treated me like their own child.

So yeah, it was a little better with having both of them, but they cant stop my family right. My grandparents picked on my mother because I was a sick girl child who is a waste of my father's money. My sister was in hostel, and I got used to lock myself and then anxiety started to build up. So, I got no one to talk to.

When I got to school, I thought now I can live a life, but I was wrong. I got bullied a lot, like they will spill water on me, call me shits, and throw my Tiffin. WHY?

1. I was quiet as rock.

2. I always wore woolen stuffs because I am very sensitive to every climate when it is at it's extreme (if it's too hot or if I got exposed to sun for more time, I will collapse, same goes to cold and rain.) I have very low immune power.

3. my parents never showed up in my school. My parents never deal with my studies. They never went to PT meetings or any events; they will just send a car even to pick me off from school. So everyone bullied me more like they told me many things that my parents never wanted me, or I don't have parents or I am adopted or I was a mistake, etc.... Well I cant blame them either, they were just mere kids. I never had friends, and teachers never known anything. Since then, negativity stared building up inside my head. I started to see myself from people's point of view. I stopped talking as whole. Even to my parents, I stopped asking for food or anything and again they failed to notice it.