Just us

Chapter 4

He put his glasses on the table checking through his notes, I just sat there silent as a bug. To be fair the anticipation was killing me.

-Jacq, this was a great first sesion, but I think I need to see you a few more times to determine the cause of your illness. I presume it's not quite right for me to make any assumptions until we speek a bit more.

- Why don't we talk now? I want to know what is going on!

- I have a client waiting for me after you, so I am going to write down on this paper when our next appointment will be, try not to lose it. See you then.

I took the paper, sad my goodbye and closed the door behind me. Next friday I guess. I decided to walk this time, I just can't deal with those pesky taxi drivers, they are so annoying.

It was a nice day, but the smell from a nearby Chinese restaurant interrupting my thoughts, I must try some food there. When I got in, the smell got even stronger, oh I think those are spring rolls. I sat down looking through the menu, they have so many dishes, I don't know what to choose! Oh let me try something new, the waiter came up to me and I ordered some dumplings, egg-fried rice, and kung pao chicken, it was a bit too much but I think I can deal with it. It was a nicely decorated restaurant, with all of the traditional Chinese ornaments, they even had a a big red dragon with golden embellishments on the main wall.

The food finally came, I was waiting for an eternity! I truly couldn't wait any longer, I took my chopsticks and, oh not again. My head started to hurt like crazy and everything got blurry, but when I snapped out of it, which lasted too long for my comfort, my food was already gone. I looked up and, I guess buy the looks of him the owner of the restaurant stood right next to me. He was speeking in Chinese so I couldn't understand a word he was saying.

-Sorry Sir, do you know who ate my food? Amm, so do you speek english?

-Oh, of course I do Mathew! You are now testing my English I see! I am very good you know, I have lived here for a long time, but you, knowing Chinese and you never went there, that is truly amaizing. Oh and you ate like you were starving for days, I am impressed! Shio give this guy some dumplings on me!

Damn it! I wanted to remember eating all of this... and I was speaking Chinese? Damn what do I do when I am out of it, how did I even learn that, who knows. I took the dumplings he gave me, paid for the rest of the food, and started walking towards Mones house. I want to share this food with her, I just know she will love it.

-Look right

-Who said that

I turned around but there was no one near me, the voice was so quiet like the person who said that was right next to me. Without thinking at all I looked in the direction the voice pointed me to. It was an old shop called "Secret", what an intresting name, what does it mean, and what do they sell in there? I entered the shop to look around a bit, I don't know why it just looked interesting. The door was old so when I opened it started to make a creaky sound.

-Welcome, Jacq.

-Oh, sorry for the noise, just, the door is too old so it was impossible to be more quiet while entering. Wait how do you know my name?

-Oh boy, you wear a camera bag with your name on it, you think people can't read?

Like a reflex I moved the bag behind me.

-Why is the stores name "Secret"?

-It's a secret.

She laughed for a bit like it was oh so hilarious. I guess she's tells that to everybody that enters in here, and that may not be a lot of people. She looks older than the store though she must be bored.

-I am joking with you kidd, I reveal peoples secrets to them, for the right kind of money. You wondering in here isn't just a coincidence.

-Well that doesn't make sense. If somebody has a secret why do they need you to tell them what it is, if they know. That is the point of a secret, you are the only one that is supposed to know of it.

-You have one Jacq, and you don't know what is it, do you?

Does she mean my problem? Well if you put it like that, I guess that is a secret to me, or I would rather call it a mystery. How would she know that tho, I don't have that on my bag, as stupid as it sounds I looked, and there was nothing, ofcourse.

-Maybe I do have one, but how would you know what it is? You don't even know me.

-I'm not going to tell you what it is. You just need to be aware that it is there to protect you from bad memories you wish not to experience again, be thankful for what you have Jacq, without it you wouldn't be able to live with yourself. Go back to your life as it was, some things are just not worth knowing.

As she said that my heart skiped a beat, what do I need to forget that is so bad? When I looked up she was gone, not like she mysteriously disappeared, she just went into the back room of the store, and I waited for her to ask more questions. The old lady came back holding a diary in her hand.

- Write things down in here so you don't forget what you were doing, and make sure you all agree that you will be doing it.

-All?

-You truly don't know? Nevermind then. You need to do it yourself, to find out who you are, who they are.

-I don't understand, how do I do that?

-Jacq, let go, don't be afraid. You have nothing to fear.

This is too much information for me. I can't, I need to go out, I can't breathe, this is so hard for me to hear. I just went out of the store as fast as I could. I need to go home. This woman doesn't know how it is for me to live like this, I could wake up somewhere and I could be kidnapped and not know that it's even happened, how can I just "not be afraid"...How can she tell me that.

I opened the door and started frantically packing. I can't do this, these people are crazy, what the hell, I just have memory losses and that's all. Nothing that special.

-Calm down

I turned around expecting to see Mone, but there was no one.

-Oh great! I am I losing my mind! Now I can hear vocies, that's great, just superb!

I laid down on the floor and closed my eyes. I can feel like I am not alone, like somebody is here, with me, but there is not. I felt a tear go down my face, I can't remember the last time I cried, I can't remember, why can't I remember. I started to sob like a little kid, I felt like one in the moment. Everything feelt like it's going to fall apart, and I can't do anything about it. The feeling of helplessness overtook me, if I don't know myself who does.

I closed my eyes again, and I could see the castle from my dreams.

I saw a womman standing there, she was short and had long blond hair, her eyes although green, were warm and welcoming. She had a strong red lipstick that made her look even more pale. Like a ray of sun she came up to me and hug me with all of her warmth.

-It's okey Jacq, if you can't do it anymore just tell me, I will make it better.

-What's your name? Who are you?

-Selin.

She made a pause after that, like she was thinking about saying just the right thing to make me feel calm and secure.

-Jacq, stay with me here, just for a bit, I will help you, I promise.

She took my hand and showed me a garden that was inside the castle. In it were beautiful flowers, and hammocks to relax on, there was also a pool with some fish in it. It looked so nice, like her, I think I can trust her.

In that moment I felt nothing but pain, so I decided to stay with her. With Selin.