If You Stay » Zarry Kid Fic ✔

Part 23

"...And ever since we stopped seeing each other, I haven't been sleeping like I should. And that's why I need sleeping pills."

Niall tapped the tip of his pen against his tablet. "Okay, I understand what you're saying. But I'll have to see what I can do."

"Thank you so much."

"May I ask you how you're really taking it?"

"Taking what?"

"The situation with Zayn. I mean, obviously you're not sleeping but what about everyday life? How is that?"

"Fine. Just fine."

But Niall just looked intently at Harry. "You keep forgetting I have known and studied you before, don't you? I asked because I know something else is bothering you. So you don't have to hide it. Remember, everything here is confidential."

Harry unwillingly leaned back onto the couch. "Ugh. Please don't read me..."

"Ah, so that means there is something then?"

Harry rolled his eyes with an impatient sigh. "Yeah, I guess."

"Then, you have my listening ear."

Harry didn't want to say anything at first because he was a little scared this could affect him getting to keep his son. But he was hopeful that Niall would understand that it was an accident and be patient with him. "Okay, I hate to say it but I have bad news."

"Bad news? Oh? What kind of bad news?"

"Bad news as in I... I did something horrible."

"Go on."

"I blame all the drinking I did for all those years. I think it's messing me up. It's screwing me over now."

"Why would you say that?"

"I have anger issues. I know it. I just know it." Harry swallowed and put his hand over his face. Niall knew he was starting to cry. "I put my hands on my son, Niall. How could I do that? How could I hurt him?"

Niall sat his tablet down and sat up, trying to understand what he was saying. Because at the mention of anyone getting hurt, he became worried for both he and his son. "Harry... Please explain. What did you do?"

Harry removed his hands and his lip was trembling. "I handled him too roughly and I pushed him. Well, he fell and got a bad carpet burn and... I just feel so awful. I didn't even try to do it. It just happened. I didn't mean it..."

Niall got up and handed him a tissue box that was sitting next to him, then went back and sat down. "Is that all. He's not hurt worse?"

Harry took a tissue to wipe his eyes and sniffled. "No and he's healing fine too. But obviously I can't deal with everything that's going on right now. The choices I've been resorting to haven't been good."

"Choices? What do you mean? Is there something else?"

"Yeah." He rubbed his thighs with his hands, not knowing what Niall would say to his next words. "I went back to my old habits. I couldn't take it anymore."

"Old habits? You... you mean drinking."

He nodded and wiped his eyes again. "But only once. It was three days ago. I went down to the bar, hoping to get wasted and maybe find somebody to... to sleep with. I found this guy and I swear he looked like Zayn. I don't remember his name or what happened after that. Well, I do remember bringing him home and kissing him but that's it. I blacked out and I don't know what happened... I know I didn't sleep with him though. Because I woke up in my bed with my clothes on."