Deeper Relations

Chapter 4: The Comfort

For a split second, you strongly wished you had never grown up. For a split second you envied Peter Pan's concept. For you wondered if this was your punishment for growing up.

"So...what do have to say about that?"

With a menacingly desperate look flashing in his eyes, Freddie inquired.

On average, there would never be a problem for you to respond to any question posed to you. The quality of the answer may not be the best. But yet, you would answer. You would save your dignity. But at this very moment, you were simply speechless. Could it be that this was the most challenging question you've ever encountered in your life?

"Freddie...I..." You began, on a desperate attempt. Until you finally decided to let your heart speak up instead of your mind. "This is not funny..." you hissed with emotion. Freddie laughed. If a passerby had seen, they would mistake that laughter for something innocent. But you knew, he was merely masking his frustration.

"Funny?" He began, "Do you think I'm fucking JOKING?" He said, shaking you by the shoulders hard with aggression. The violent shaking, and the strong stench of alcohol, it made you dizzy. But more importantly, you were afraid. You were very afraid. For it was the first time you saw that side to him.

Could it be that your thoughts were somehow transferred to him through the medium of your expressive eyes, for within a few seconds, you saw the aggression slowly drain away from him, along with the shaking. With his hands still on you, he calmed himself down.

As if he was surprised by his own response.

"Oi! Freddie!"

Jimmy cried out from a few feet away, standing by the car. His voice was certainly a god-send at this very moment, and you had never been this thankful to see him there. So grateful, you finally felt a rush of blood to your brain. As he walked towards the both of you, Freddie quickly pulled away.

"Oh Jimmy! Thank God..."

You breathed, as he finally made it.Letting you go, Freddie suddenly lost his balance. But luckily, Jimmy caught him on time.

"I think... Freddie's had wee bit too much..."

You said, feigning a chuckle as you attempted to sound normal, offering a valid excuse for him to corner you, "Could you please-" you gestured as you showed him your bag of books.

"Yeah! of course...Go on!" Jimmy replied.

Nodding away your gratefulness, you rushed out of there with incredible speed. You couldn't run, not with the heavy bag of books on you. But you walked. You speed walked. And your breathing was at a whole other level. It was faster than it should be.

Walking away, your thoughts were busier than ever before. You tried your hardest to make sense of what on earth just happened to you.

Ever since Freddie Jackson got out of prison, it seemed that your life was not the same anymore. As if it was going through a dramatic change every time you met him. Sure, you do admit of your youthful obsession and love for him in your much younger days. Your innocent self longed for him to be yours. Truthfully, you really did love him with all your heart. But the difference was, in every moment you hoped for that, you had other hopes as well. You hoped you'd be older, you hoped he wasn't married, you hoped for fate to be completely different. Your intentions were never immoral.

Thus, why should you accept his feelings now? Why should you be so insane? He should know better, you thought. As much as you were an adult, and clearly very in touch with your sexual desires, you felt horrid chills, just to hear him speak of his sexual desire for you. So raw, so explicit. You felt strange, you actually felt sick. You could not even appreciate whatever the good you could extract from this- NO! There was nothing good at all. It was wrong, all wrong, You told yourself. For goodness sakes, he was your sister's husband, the father to your nieces.