Today and Tomorrow

Is it Goodbye? 16

Finn became the director of our school. I'm glad he is already known as a director. I heard he is doing great.

Being the director, he attended seminars abroad and received a lot of recognitions within 2 years.

I am so proud of him. Yet I can't congratulate him.

While I am very busy with the preparation of my son's wedding,my mom usually calls me if I can go and attend my brother's wedding.

"Are you really coming?"

"I'm sorry, mom but I am preparing for a wedding."

"Wedding? And you don't even invite us, your family? Then, okay, just stay there. Don't come here anyway. We don't even want to see you."

I know mom was upset so I just understood her. I did not pay attention to what she said. I just focused to what I have to do.

I know I am already contented to what I already have and I don't want to keep on thinking the things I don't have.

I realized it is not Finn's presence that will make my life complete, but it id the contentment that my heart feels.

It is true that we can't live without the people who can help and inspire us, yet being knowledgeable to why you are alone and why you live the way you live can at least fill the part something that is missing.

To understand everything is to understand and accept the weaknesses of others and to let others not to be hurt even if you are hurting.

Kozi was once my rival in the love of Finn but in just a month, she will be my daughter-in-law.

I am grateful that I did not hurt Kozi or do anything that might hurt her. I'm glad I did consider her as my daughter even before.

I'm glad, I have nothing to feel regretful about hurting her or someone else.

I'm happy that even if Finn and I did not end up together, I am living my life as if I have nothing to feel regretful about the past.

I will always remember Finn as the only man I loved and will love until the rest of my life.

But loving him does not mean I have to own him even if he's also living alone. Loving him is letting him free from the heartaches he might feel.

But he can't be absent into the special day of my son.

...

Wedding of Limann and Kozi

All I see is smiles, all I hear is the warm and happiest congratulations from the people who love Limann and Kozi.

It was the only wedding I attended. I was very afraid back then that attending a wedding might wake me up from sleeping, sleeping into the dream of being married to Finn. But at that time, I was able to conquer my fear. I know that more than 20 years is already enough to be in that dream. And waking up won't hurt me anyway. I already spent all my years to that dream and I have to wake up if I need to wake up.

But after the wedding, Finn came to my home ans talked to me.

"Are you not really going back to Philippines?"

"Korea is my home. I am happy to be here."

"What else are you waiting here?"

"Korea is the place where I was offered peace of mind. When I moved here many years ago, I felt relieved and I felt I was comforted. I felt like I was being freed from uncertainties. And in here where I felt I am free to love you."

"If only I was rich that time, I should have..."

"It's not money that hinder you, it's yourself. It's you, yourself, not something else."

"Do you know how it is to be poor? And to feel how it is to be in a hole while looking up to those who are rich?"

"If that is what hinders you back then, why did you never dare to talk to me? You ignored me as if I was never in front of you and as if you never heard the things I told you."

"You don't know how it feels. You don't know because you were born lucky..."

"Is being rich being lucky?"

"If you have asked me that back then, I will definitely answer yes, but now, it's the exact opposite."

I was not able to talk.

"You seem to gave up everything just because you love me, but why are those assets of your family still used by you? Why do you have all of your inheritance with you? It's not only the school, but your 3 houses in the Philippines, the hacienda of your family, the resort and your hotel."

"You think I can live without those?"

"It's not love that made you alive, it's your properties that keep you alive even if you don't do anything."

"Never judge me that way because you never know and feel my pains. It's not me who gave up, it's not me who ignored, it's you."

"I might lost that chance many years ago, but why can't I not have it today and tomorrow?"

"Because I..."

My heart suddenly get hurt, I was not able to breathe.

POV Finn

I never thought she would be sick. I never thought she has a heart disease. And rushing her to the hospital is like making my heart beat to skip.

I found out the reason why she can't accept me now.

Limann and Kozi are in their honeymoon so I can't call them and tell about Grashen's situation.

I was too afraid so I called her family in the US.

But I noticed how cold they are. I can't just tell them right away and my initial words were cut. They did not listen to me up to the end.

Grashen needs a heart transplant. She needs another heart to keep her alive. I want to give her my heart but I know it will only break her heart a lot the moment she found out. I should not do it just for me to be happy. I have to do something that will make her happy and will make me happy.

After two days of being at the hospital, Limann called. I told her about Grashen.

They immediately went home.

"She's not well," I honestly told them.

"What did the doctor say? asked Kozi.

"She needs heart transplant."

"Heart transplant?" Limann can't believe to what he heard.

"I'll call my classmates and my professor if they could help us."

Kozi did as she said.

"Haven't you see any symptoms?"

"No, she's usually okay and happy everytime we see and talk to her...But lately she told Kozi that she will be the happiest when Kozi will be working in a hospital."

I thought I will lost Grashen in my life but she's very strong.

She said that what made her stronger is me being by her side praying and always asking her to fight and be heathy again.

I was hurt by her but it's nothing compared with the hurt she felt because of me.

This time, she's recovering and I am waiting to realize our wedding picture posted on the sala in her home...

I realized that at the end, she's still thinking about me, she's still willing to sacrifice and own her tears just like before. I realized she's not making a revenge but she's just protecting me from a more hurtful reality once she can't survive.

But now that I am already here, I promised and took a vow that today and tomorrow or shall I say in the present and in the future I will love her more than she loved me before.