Learning to fly (Rocketshipping)

Chapter 6:...must come down

Our lips locked. A staggering feeling came over me. It started deep down in my guts, cleaving its way right up to my mind, completely confusing it. I was finally able to taste her. I ran my tongue over her lips. Strawberries, lemon, cinnamon - flavor fireworks. It felt so good to kiss her, it relieved my burden, it ereased my pondering. Jessie had enthralled me, I cupped her face with both hands, I left a path of kisses from her cheek down to her clavicle, moaning driven by pleasure. My friend rifled through my hair, gently pulling some strands. She wrapped her arms around my neck and we merged into one more kiss, when suddenly, she opened her lips so I could once and for all fall for her charms. My hand went down her neck, I drew her closer to me, slowly meddling with her shirt. „James," she whispered, interrupting my caresses. „I'm sorry," guiltily, I released myself from our deep embrace. I wanted to take things slow, but I'd gone too far. She stared at me, her eyes spoke volumes - lust, desire, insecurity. Jessie poised for a moment, the tension between us was almost tangible and in the twinkling of an eye, without warning, she pushed me down on my back, making herself comfortable in my lap and took off my shirt with a single gesture of her hand. She ran her fingers down my naked breast, down my scars, agonizingly slow, she was driving me crazy. I moaned ecstatically, but wasn't able to fully surrender myself to her. The horrors of my past bothered me, I was scared this could turn into a torture too. No! Jessie was different, she would never hurt me on purpose. I looked at her as I sat up to pull the embroidered blouse over her head. Our foreheads touched, we joined in quick breathes. All I wanted in this moment was her. My hands clasped her hips. „Kiss me, James," her voice had an almost imploring tone. Our lips locked again. She closed her eyes, groaning into my mouth. ‚He won't break your heart, James is a decent lad, you can trust him. Listen to what Celestine said. Everyone deserves a second chance', Jessie tried to reason with herself. I've never felt more passion than in these few moments of cosy togetherness. Jessie aroused long repressed feelings in me. My relationship with Jessiebelle ended in a fiasco and will bear lifelong scars from it, but I was sure that Jessie could heal those wounds. „Stay with me," I whispered, I begged. There wasn't an inch left between me and her. We kissed, we couldn't keep our fingers off each other. The idea of freedom completed itself with every gentle touch, with every smooth kiss. It was perfect, until...

The ring rolled out of my trouser pocket. Jessie stopped kissing me right away. Her eyes followed the ring's path and how it whirled about, until it came to a halt right in front of her feet. She frowned, picking the ring up. She examined it unbelievably. I could feel her disappointment, her revulsion and disgust. The pieces of her heart were breaking, I wasn't any better than any other man dishing out a lie, any other man hiding something from her. I had to come clean, I owed it to her.

„Jessie, let me explain," I said, carefully touching her shoulder. She pushed me away, still studying the piece of jewellery between her fingers. „What is that?" Jessie gave me the evil eye. „James!" she shouted. „Tell me what this is! Are you married?" She was boiling with rage. I couldn't lie to her anymore. The past had caught up with me again. „Listen. It's not what you think, okay? I'm sorry, Jess, I should have entrusted you with my secret from the beginning. Please, forgive me," my eyes were burning. I was about to break out into tears, I didn't want to loose her.

„Tell me the truth," she was fighting to hold back tears, too. „I'm engaged, Jessie," she sobbed, wiping her eyes. „No, listen," I reached for her hands, but she dodged my touch. „Yes, it's true. I should get married to a horrible person. Her name is Jessiebelle and she's the one who gave me wounds, the wounds you touched only mintues ago. I tried to escape and leave my gruesome yesterdays where they belong to, but apparently, they keep outrunning me again and again. I'm tired of suffering, I want to live a life in freedom and you're the one who can free me," I looked at her, but she didn't stir. Her facial expression raised questions. „Do you understand? I don't want to get married to this woman! I want to forget her, my family and this endless torment," I sniveled heartrendingly. „Please, how about a fresh start? Just the two of us, and Meowth?" I looked at her pleadingly, but she faced away.

„No, James. Who do you think you are? Do you really think you can lie to me, pretend something to me, exploit me only to atone for your past? I'm not a toy, James! I'm a human being, a human being with feelings and these feelings shall no longer be hurt or not taken seriously by some runaway man who needs compensation! Goodbye, James. I'm out of here," she flipped the ring away.

„Jessie! Wait!" Jessie turned around one more time. „Where are you going?" I asked her, desperately trying to bring her round. „I'm asking Carl if he could drive me to Lavender Town. I hope you're going to lead a fine life, but not with me," her voice broke, she hid her face in her hands and ran out of the barn. I hung my head in shame. The ghosts of my past had me all under control, I would never be able to escape them. Suddenly, anger bolied up in me. I shouted, I vent my frustration as my fingers ran over the lasting scars.