Chapter 1

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'It's hard when you miss people. But you know if you miss them, that means you're lucky. It means you had someone special in your life, someone worth missing.'
- Nikki Schiefelbein

I've never believed that people could actually hear their hearts beating inside their chests when I read about it in my books

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I've never believed that people could actually hear their hearts beating inside their chests when I read about it in my books. Now my own heart is pulsing in my ears in a weak drum noise that doesn't leave much space for my brain to work.

I don't know where I am. Why is it so hard to find the only cemetery that exists in this town anyway? I've been walking around for more than four hours trying to get to know the new Magnolia Springs.

Everything has changed so beautifully over the years, but my heart hurts for the only home that it has ever held inside its walls. It pulls me like a magnet, but then, this same way I was pushed out of here long ago, when I didn't have any choice in the matter.

The strange thing is, it still feels like home. Maybe it's the wind that has never made me breathe so full I feel it in my lungs, or maybe it's the sky that's as blue as mama's eyes. She used to describe this place to me when I was younger, until she told me to forget about it, told me we were like birds, we never stayed in the same place for long. I never believed her.

Because, how could you forget something that holds your best memories in its earthy ground?
I may not have them, but deep down I've always known that this town is the treasure that keeps them locked away for when I need them. I've just never really tried to find them before. Because mama didn't want me to. I still didn't believe her. And now she's not here to keep me away.

I walk around a few more steps until my eyes crash with what used to be a playground, my safe space as a child. Now it's transformed into a two story bar, or that's what the flag looking wooden sign attached to the building says. Nora's Bar. The doors swing open when a couple runs through them, hands clasped together and big, happy smiles on their faces. They take a turn to the left side of the building, and I watch as the guy lowers his head to meet the girl's lips in a frenzied kiss, the setting sun making their shadows look like one. Romantic. Guess that's my cue to keep on moving.

I rush forward, my hand going to my back pocket for my phone. I turn it on only to see that it's been another hour of me just dragging my feet on the concrete. My Maps app tells me I have to walk a couple meters more to arrive at my destination. Why didn't I look it up from the start?

My steps turn sloppy from all the walking, and my heart beats louder in my head when I finally see my destination before me. Still and sad. Empty, but so full of bodies and skeletons and spirits. It pulls you in, that calmness. As if saying, 'you're gonna be here one day too.' And I hope so. I hope I don't die eaten by some beast somewhere, that they can't even find enough of my pieces to bury me. I hope I don't lose it and throw myself off of some cliff only for them to never find my body. This one has been a dream and a nightmare for me.

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⏰ Last updated: Mar 31, 2023 ⏰

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