Thinking Out Loud || #Wattys2015

19: Loosing Myself

A/N So I decided that the next few chapters are going to be a point of view. So either Lauren's or Camila's maybe dinah's i don't know it depends. Because 19-21 Are going to be all down hill. *Spoiler* You know I like leaving you guys with Cliffhangers and it just gets you guys on the edge of your seats :) I hope you all enjoy this, I'm coming off break, I'm pushing myself to update alot over the weekend and I hope the chapters aren't rushed and shitty anyways Enjoy :)

Lauren POV

"Did we just break up?"

I looked around the hallway people staring and whispering.

"Hey! After her stop stand there like that." I heard someone yell. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't. I took off in the direction of Camila just to get out of the mob of people looking at me. I sighed and walked down a different hall ways and decided why not go to first period early.

I sat down in my seat and scrolled through my phone looking at different things on tumblr. So many post reflected exactly how I felt in this moment. Hurt, confused and conflicted. I didn't want to risk Camila getting removed from school because of my rebellious nature, or the fact that Sandra and Marielle are close enough to snitch on her for her so-called own good, which is complete bullshit to me. I also didn't want to hear anything from Dinah concerning me and Camila's situation right now. All this thinking was making my head hurt. Like major. I also contemplated reasoning with Camila but that would just lead to arguing and my blood pressure rising which was not good for me at all. My heart was heavy and it was hurting, not because of this small murmur in it but because the person I felt filled the whole in my heart was basically slipping away at the seams. She was already gone. I would say there was something I can do about it, like talk to her dad, or even apologize for breaking the rules of his house. Something told me to listen to Camila when she said it wasn't a good Idea to do that at her house. That she would get caught some way some how. I'm such a fucking idiot. I've been so used to the fuck and go system, and not having to deal with the problems that followed getting caught, but now that I'm in a serious relation ship the tables have turned. But I don't think not allowing Camila to see me is the right idea. I mean I understand that if I came over we would have to hang out in the living room or something like that. She already doesn't have a lock on her door. Oh my god what if her dad is currently taking her door off. Ok Lauren stop he isn't that fucking crazy.

"Jauregui are you listening to me?" Normani asked pulling me from my own thoughts. I furrowed my brows and looked at her.

"Sorry what?" I asked looking over at her.

"I said why are you and Camila the big buzz of the school. Literally on my way to class all I heard was your name and her name coming out of peoples mouths." Normani said looking at me worried.

"I think she broke up with me. I'm not sure." I said sighing. Just thinking about me and Camila not together made my heart heavy.

"What do you mean you aren't sure? Did she said Lauren I think we should break up? Come on Laur..." Normani pushed to get information from me.

"Something about he dad finding out we had sex at her house and breaking a rule and not being able to see me anymore. I...have to talk to him." I said sighing.

"You really think her dad is going to listen to you?" Normani asked.

"I don't know, Camila said he liked me and all. I mean I'm sure he's lost all respect for me now but I'm sure I can fix things." I looked up to see Austin walking in he walked straight over to me.

"I heard Camila is up for grabs. Looks like Little Jauregui couldn't hold her down." He mocked looking at me.

"Shut up Mahone." I groaned looking down at my desk.

"What did you fuck another girl in front of her face?" He tested.

"Austin stop." Normani warned him. My leg jogged as my anger rose.

"Why should I she didn't stop what ever whore it was from fucking her to loose someone as presious as sweet sweet Camila." Austin said laughing. He bent down and got closer to my face.

"Are you mad Jauregui?" He aske looking me in the eye. I glared and him and moved my jaw around angrily.

"What are you going to do?" He asked. He was dangerously close to my face and my fist was balled ready to go.

"Pucker up dyke." He said kissing me roughly. I stood up and pushed him back.

"Lauren!" Normani yelled. Austin Laughed to himself.

"Did you like that? Huh? Did you?! You don't fucking belong here! You need to be in some mental ward. You're so confused. Tell me Lauren are you and girl?" How the hell was no one fucking stopping this or getting a teacher? I'm being harrassed and no one care. "Or a boy" he sent a fist into my groin and I fell down.

"How's it feel!?" He asked. Normani ran out the room. Fucking finally.

"Austin stop." I pleaded. Before he could do anything else I felt my body being lifted off the ground and saw a teacher pulling Austin back.

---

When I woke up from how ever long I was out I was laying in the nurses office. I blinked before looking over seeing Dinah Normani and Ally sitting there.

"Hey..." Ally said softly looking at me.

"All you but Camila." I mumbled to myself.

"We tried to get her to come but she just told us to tell you she hate's Austin's guts and hopes you get better." Dinah said softly.

"Of course." I sighed looking back at the ceiling.
---
My dad ended up picking me up because I was in too much pain to drive back home.

"Are you being bullied again?" My dad asked me as we sat at the counter. I sadly had a ice pack in my lap.

"I don't know at this point dad. What the fuck is bullying anymore? I just keep getting hurt. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. I don't know anymore dad." I groaned.

"Call Camila maybe she can cheer you up dear." He said.

"We broke up. Because her dad is some crazy bitch." I sighed putting the ice pack on the counter.

"Why?"

"Her dad found out we had sex in her room. We violated the rules of the house. So she's not allowed to talk to me. And if you're wondering we had sex here too." I shrugged looking down.

"Well I don't appreciate you not talking to me about it first but I'd understand why he's doing this." He said looking at me.

"How the fuck am I supposed to talk to you when you're always off doing you're own thing. You used to always be around but now you aren't. You barely are!" I said annoyed.

"Sorry Lauren. I'm actually going to try and be around more since your mom is gone. I promise alright." My dad said looking at me.

"Yeah whatever. I've heard that before." I sighed.

"I'll leave you alone." He said softly. He walked away and I put my head down on my arms.

I'm falling apart.

---
:)