More Than Twice| Open Wound #1✔

*Twenty seven*

"The heart wants what it wants even when you convince yourself its not meant to be.."-jasmine

Chapter twenty seven. New beginnings?

Jacob Williams

Is it wrong that I counted the days that she and I never talked? Is it wrong that I wished we could have ended things differently or better yet never ended things at all? I spend days and nights struggling to erase her from my thoughts.

If only it was that easy to forget her. She made her choice, she left and I never followed. That simple act said more than we could ever fathom. It was over for us and there was no going back.

We're done in every way...

If only my heart could agree with me on that but obviously too stubborn to sync with my head. It would be logical to be friends because it would raise questions if we were suddenly not communicating but that is already long gone. It would be a lie if I said my heart had never been broken before because it had but only by her.

All for the same reasons- walking away from me because she was terrified of taking a chance. Terrified to face the fact that she might be wrong but mostly terrified to be hurt more than she already was. I accept the mistakes I had made that cost me to lose her. I was ready to spend infinity making up for it.

But even though you love someone this deep, completely ineffable, it's a nightmare to erase those dreams. But it pained me more physically because I was willing to walk through all of those with her but she was never ready to face the fire with me.

I screamed in immense anger and hurt when she left her room because it finally answered my question. Throughout all our problems she always ran away from me and I ran after her, also proved that we fought too hard to invent something that was never there. Our love was lost and broken.

I doubt I will ever be strong enough to let her go, let her live her life without me. Loving someone else other than me. That would kill me slowly with time but I had to endure it because she could never be fully mine.

What I said to her, I knew it shocked and hurt her because I had never and could never say something like that to her. I was angry at myself because I uttered such gruesome words to the girl that owned my heart but there were plenty of truths behind it too.

She had always hated being wrong and not exactly the forgiving type. She may eventually forgive but could never forget and her biggest flaw was she always brought your list of mistake along when you made another also she never accepted when she was at fault but always knew.

I was wrong but she was wrong too.

After Hannah left that day I spent limit time at the house purely to avoid her but to also find answers. My conversation with Rebecca rang in my head like a church bell which only gave me a head ache once I remembered it.

I had never had an urge to hit a female until those words escaped her mouth. I may had been livid and all I saw was red but I refrained myself because I came to the conclusion that she was completely insane.

"What do you want from me Rebecca?!" I gritted out through anger completely fed up with her games. I no longer wanted to be a pawn in it. I was on the brink of losing my sanity because of her and that would only mean chaos.