You're My Remedy~ [Eyeless Jack X Jeff The Killer Fanfic]

Chapter 5 "I didn't cheat on you."

EJ POV:

We've been together for 3 months now and everything seems so.. unbelievably.. perfect.. I mean yeah sometimes we are arguing or just don't talk with each other until one of us can't take it anymore and apologizes.. mostly I'm the one who does that..

But that's normal for a couple, isn't it? Anyways everything was perfect until..

It's 1am and I can't sleep. The reason why I can't sleep is that Jeff hasn't been home for hours. I was getting food and when I came back (I think it was 8pm then) he was gone without telling me where and the worst thing is I can't text or call him cuz' that asshole broke his phone. Before I started to cry I called Jane cuz' she's something like my best friend and even though she freaked out when she found out that I'm with Jeff and tried to tell me that he'll hurt me and all.. she's fine with it now cuz' she wants me to be happy.. such a sweetheart.

Anyways I was scared to tell her at first cuz' I thought she will say something like he's cheating on me or something.. as if I don't think that already.. I mean of course I trust him and all, but why wouldn't he tell me where he's going then?

When I called Jane I tried to act like I'm calling her out of boredom and just ask if she has time now and how she's doing, but I think she could hear that I was about to cry so she didn't stop asking what's wrong until I told her. "Aww.. honey.. don't think so negative. Maybe he just got arrested?" she said laughing. Jeff and Jane sure have the same weird sense of humor. I also laughed cuz' even though I don't want Jeff to be in jail, that imagination is much better than that he would cheat on me. 

We talked for like 20 minutes about where Jeff could possibly be and that was actually funny, but then she changed the subject to distract me and it really helped.

After an hour of talking Jane got tired. "Look, sweetheart. I'm going to sleep now, but don't think negative, okay? I'm sure he will come back soon with a really good excuse otherwise I'll find him and then imma kick his ass." She said laughing then making a kiss face with a 'mwah' sound "byeee!" 

After she hung up I smiled cuz' she was so damn cute, but my smile blew away after some seconds.. 'I'm going to sleep' she said.. I mean yeah what else was she supposed to say? She couldn't know that it would be triggering and make me sad again..

I was trying to distract myself with youtube, but then I started to cry.. so I tried to make me tired and then also go to.. I mean.. I tried to sleep then.. 

I couldn't help myself, but always imagining him fucking some bitches.. I was about to hurt myself again as the thoughts were getting stronger and stronger, but then I heard the door opening and then closing again.

I went downstairs and that asshole finally got home.. but he was drunk as fuck. Great. That's making my stupid thoughts less stupid and more possible.. 

I had so many questions, but I wouldn't get normal answers when I'm asking him in that condition. He was talking some weird stuff all the time and almost throwing up so I took him to the bathroom before he's puking all over my house..

I was holding his hair while he's puking and jesus how much puke does he have inside? What the fuck..?

When he was done after like 5 FUCKING MINUTES WHAT THE FUCK- I cleaned his mouth and then took him to the bedroom. I laid him down on the bed, giving him a kiss on the forehead, stroking him and telling him to sleep. I also wanted to sleep, but I couldn't.. the stupid thoughts have become much stronger and I can't take this pain anymore.

I went into the bathroom, holding my arms over the sink and putting my claws into my skin. I also started to cry so it was a mix of black and red in the sink. Looked kinda beautiful though..

I know I shouldn't do this, but I mean I can only die if I would put a knife into my heart and I don't have the balls to do that and.. it feels so awesome.. yeah it also burns but the pain is so satisfying.. it's like all of my inner pain is just floating away..

I think I don't even wanna sleep in the same bed as Jeff so when I was done pushing the blood out of my arm I put bandage around it, then I grabbed a pillow and blanket and went downstairs to sleep on the couch. I was 'watching' some Markiplier and Jacksepticeye videos (they are my favorite youtubers cuz' they are hot, funny, cute and idk their stupidness cheers me up) until I slept in at like 3am.

Next day

Jeff POV:

Holy fuck my head hurts. What the fuck happened?! I can't remember shit. Well okay I can remember a few pieces, but- SHIT nonononono.

I stood up carefully making my way to the bathroom cuz' I felt like throwing up. When I was done with that I saw blood in the sink. I started to panic and searching everything up for my baby.

He was sleeping on the couch. And he already took care of his arms. What was I even thinking? If he would want to kill himself he would've already done that. 

But why the fuck does he even sleep on the couch?! What did I do?!

I sat down on the floor and watched TV to wait for my baby to wake up. After a few minutes he woke up because of the TV I think.. oops. "good morning, babe" I said and wanted to kiss him, but he pushed me away... "Fuck off with your alcohol smell." then he stood up and made his way into the kitchen. I followed him "Okay I get it.. your mad at me for not telling you where I'm going, but I mean you weren't home-" before I could finish my sentence he interrupted me. "Shut up. I don't wanna hear anything from you right now. It was already really dumb that you couldn't wait for me to come home and made me worrying very much. But then you come home  very drunk so it makes me worrying even more and now you act like it's not a big deal or what? fuck off." He got a kidney out of the fridge, then he pushed me aside and took a seat on the couch. "Okay I understand you. That was really not okay. But I mean what do you want me to do now? Do you want an apology?"  He breathed in and out deeply then he answered "No. I want you to tell me everything that happened yesterday and then leave me alone for the next few hours."

Ouch.. "What the fuck? I was at a club-" "And by how many people did you get banged?" he asked. Ah. Now I understand. Cool that he thinks that about me. "Thank you. You still think I'm an asshole, huh?" He didn't answer and just shook his head then I made my way to the bedroom, but I stopped at the stairs for a second and said "Yeah I was drunk as fuck and can't remember shit. Think what you want, but I know for sure that I didn't cheat on you." then I went to the bedroom without waiting for an answer cuz' he probably wouldn't have answered anyways.

I took a seat on the bed, doing absolutely nothing.. I just waited for him to come and say that he forgives me or something like that. We already had some arguments. It's not a big deal. I always had to wait a few minutes, maybe hours until he came and hugged me. Why would it be different this time? 

So I waited and waited, but he only came upstairs to go to the bathroom. I noticed that he wanted to clean the sink so I decided to not be an asshole boyfriend and help him. I went into the bathroom "Stop. I'm gonna do this." then I took the cleaning stuff. "Oh wow since when are you so responsible?" He said with a sarcastic voice then he went back downstairs. What the fuck is his fucking problem?! I get it I should've told him where I go and all but I barely did anything bad. It's not my fault when he thinks he has to hurt himself because of that.. Well no I'm taking this seriously I don't want him to hurt himself and I also don't wanna be the reason he's doing that, but I literally didn't do anything. I can't even talk to him normally so what am I supposed to do?! 

EJ POV:

I can't take this anymore.. I'm really trying to trust him and all, but he goes somewhere without telling me, then he returns drunk and tries to tell me that he knows FOR SURE he didn't cheat on me. If that already happens after 3 months relationship I think I don't wanna know what will happen in the future. Of course I love him more than anything else , but I can't take this anymore.. All of my scars and my anorexia are because of him.. I mean I'm not blaming him for anything, but what am I supposed to do?! I hurt myself when we weren't together and I'm hurting myself when we are together. Maybe this relationship is senseless... or maybe.. maybe my life is senseless.. Well I know how it works. If I can cut into my veins, why wouldn't I be able to put a knife into my heart?