Inlove with my Twin Brother

Seven: Away

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang luha ko nang naglakad ako palayo sa kanya. I inhailed sharply.

I lost Kit.

I lost Jandrick.

Hindi ko naramdaman ang byahe ko papuntang Japan. Sobrang dami kong iniisip.

Hinigit ko ang maleta ko at nagtungo sa Arrival's Area. I looked around to look for Dad.

I smiled. Atleast I have him.

"Dad" I called him as soon as I reached him.

"Sweetie, how was your trip?" He hugged me and kissed my forehead.

Hinigpitan ko ang yakap sa kanya. He just chuckled.

Sumakay na ako sa sasakyan niya. I looked at the busy streets of Japan. They seemed so calm and unproblematic. Mabilis silang maglakad na tila walang kaproble-problema.

My phone beeped. Bahagya pa akong napatalon sa gulat.

I opened the message in my instagram.

Kit: Baby, let's talk.

I left the messaged seen. Hindi pa ako handa. Hindi ko pa kaya.

Naaalala ko pa ang eksenang magkasama sila ng babaeng yon sa condo niya. I felt so betrayed.

Alam kong malaki pa rin ang kasalanan ko sa kanya. But I couldn't. Hindi ko alam kung anong mukha pa ang ihaharap ko.

We reached my dad's house. It was a modern two-storey house. Napakatahimik. Sana dito na magtapos ang problema ko kasi pagod na pagod na ako.

"Thank you, Dad." I smiled at him at bumaba na. He helped me carry my luggage to my room.

Humiga ako sa kama. I have never been this tired all my life.

Muling tumunog ang cellphone ko

Kit: Please, baby.

Nakatitig lamang ako sa cellphone ko ng bigla itong tumunog. He is calling.

I inhaled deeply before answering. Hindi ako nagsalita.

"Baby" he said in a hoarse voice.

Hindi pa rin ako umiimik. Bigla na lamang tumulo ulit ang luha ko. I did my best not to sob but I failed.

"Baby, I'm sorry. Please, don't cry."

I can't even speak. Masyado akong nanghihina para magsalita.

"I'm sorry, Kit." I uttered between my sobs. Sobrang dami kong gustong sabihin pero yun lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko. Gusto ko siyang murahin. Gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na nasasaktan ako. Gusto kong sabihin na ang dumi-dumi kong tao dahil pumatol ako sa kapatid ko. Gusto kong sabihin lahat para magalit siya sakin.

"Baby, shhh. It's okay. I love you."

Hindi na ako nagsalita ulit pero hindi ko pa rin pinapatay ang tawag. I love you too. Pero mali. Ako yung hindi makatanggap na mali. Kasi kasalanan ko.

"We'll start again. Baby, we'll start again."

And he ended the call.

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. What the fuck was that. If there is really a chance, I'll start with you again.

Nakatulog na lamang ako sa kama. The temperature was cold. Ber months are getting nearer and nearer.

Bumaba ako sa bahay para kumuha ng pagkain. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng gutom dahil wala akong gana kanina.

I saw Dad in the living room.

"How was your sleep?" He looked at me before sipping his coffee. He looked stressed at his work but he has never said anything.

Ngumiti lamang ako at nagpatuloy na sa kusina. Kumuha lamang ako ng dalawang tinapay at juice tapos sumunod kay Daddy sa sala.

"I fixed your school already." He smiled at me. I nodded and smiled at him too.

"Your Tito Jackson helped me in your requirements. Good thing he has a school here for international students." So it was his Dad.

It's Kit's Dad. Bakit hindi ko naisip yon?

"Sweetie, I'll be heading to our company. Urgent meeting." He fixed his things and walked to his room.

I guess I'm alone now. Time to think. Should I go to school? It was Kit's for godsake! Kung alam lang ni Tito at Kit ang ginawa ko, baka ipatapon pa nila ako. I can't risk that. And their friendship with Dad.

Dad has been helping me all this time. I can't make any move that can ruin our image. Kakaumpisa pa lang din ng kumpanya dito dahil kakalipat lang ni Daddy.

Umakyat na lamang ako sa kwarto at naligo. I let the warm water flow down my skin. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam.

Naalala ko na naman lahat. Why can't I forget you, Jandrick?!

Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang loofah at pilit na diniinan ang pagkuskos sa balat ko.

"Ang dumi ko" I spoke as I cried again. Pilit kong tinatanggal ang dumi ko sa katawan kahit wala naman.

"What the fuck?!" I exclaimed as I cried.

Tumagal pa ako sa CR bago ko napagdesisyunang umalis. I wore my robe and went out.

Tumingin ako sa salamin at pinagmasdan ang sarili ko. Napakaitim na ng ilalim ng mata ko. Nangingig pa ang labi ko. Mahahalata mong pagod na ako.

Awang-awa na ako sa sarili ko pero wala na akong magawa.

Inayos ko ang sarili ko.

I have to be better. Not for them but for myself.

I wore a jeans, black shirt and my coat. Pumunta muna akong mall to buy some things.

Shopping helped me relieve some stress. Dumaan muna ako sa isang ramen restaurant para bumili. I want to feel the warmth of the ramen. God, I missed this.

Bumalik na rin ako ng bahay nang matapos. Dad is still not home so I waited for him in the sala.

I opened the television and searched for a good movie. Pinipilit ko talagang maubos ang oras ko. Baka sakaling makalimot ako kapag busy ako.

These past few days are full of drama. I never wished for anything like this to happen. It's my fault.

I silently wished in forgetting Jandrick faster. That way, I know I'll get better. I have to take down my problems one by one. I can't solve everything at once.

I heard my phone beeped again.

I'll wait for our time, twin sister. Hold on.