"Tell your mother about this." A friend told me. I won't be sharing this to her if I can tell my mother about this in the first place.
I don't want to tell the woman who gave me this life that I don't want it anymore.
I sighed as tears continued dripping from my eyes. "You don't understand me."
"Exactly." She replied. "Just talk to her please? I'm busy. I dont have time for your dramas."
I smiled sadly. "Okay, thank you."
I sighed. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to fight. I want to stop the pain. I don't want to die, I just don't want to live. My best friend is my last resort. But she doesn't seem to care.
Ah, I think I know why. They think I can't do it. Since I am a happy go lucky girl, they might think I'm just joking.
But I'm not. Really.
I give problems to all the people I know. I am a burden. Even my parents said than it is more than fine that they did not have me. And actually, I, myself, thinks I should not have been born in the first place.
I did nothing good. I suck at everything. I'm not good at school. They say I am very lazy even tho I am doing my best to cooperate at home. I am not beautiful too. They said I should be useful atleast.. but I'm not.
Then.. There's no reason to stay, right?
Everyone will be better without me. I have nothing to worry.
I sighed before I went to my parent's room. I silently watched them sleeping peacefully. I smiled before I bid them goodbye. For the last time, I said "I love you."
Tears started rushing down to my cheeks. I didn't bother to wipe them off. I am going to die anyway.
I walk to the kitchen. I open the cupboard and there I found my mothers favorite kitchen wares. I gulped as I get her favorite knife. She liked this because it is very sharp but I think she will love it more thinking that this the thing that ended her problem which is me.
Slowly, I walked to my room. I don't wanna die in the kitchen, though.
I closed the door and breathe heavily. I sit on my bed and pain started coming through. I cried silently in my dark room.
The metal on my wrist stung like shit. I didn't imagine that this would fucking hurt.
So, this is what it feels to die from a suicide. I lie down to my bed, feeling tired.
This is really painful but this one time pain is far more better than living my life with it. I can surpass physical pain everyday. But sadly, I experienced emotional and mental breakdown. I don't think I can escape that kind of pain.
It's funny how I will die on the day I am born. Yes, it is my birthday. A very good day to die, huh. And as expected, no one noticed that this is my day.
My vision started being blurry. I heave heavy breaths. I started gaping for air. I am losing too much blood.
At this very moment, if someone sees me, I think they would be very late.
I closed my eyes. "Im sorry,"
Exactly when I said those words, I heard the door opened. They shouted, "Happy Birthday!" in unison. But I can't seem to react. I can't move. I am just in my bed, with a knife on my hand and blood on the other.
It's too late. I am dying.
——
Credits to some comments on the youtube video above. Thanks.
