Protect The Jacksons

Chapter 3: Insurance

Chapter 3: Insurance

Madea POV

"Madea. Madea..." a voice whispered. I ignored it 'cause I thought I was still dreaming. "Maybel!"

I jumped out of my bed and threw my pillow at a big colourful ape that was standing near my dresser. How the hell it got inside?

"Madea, what are you doing?!" asked the ape as he struggled to get out of the pillow and blanket I threw at him.

"I don't speak ape! Stay the hell away from me!" I warned. Then, the ape finally got the blankets and pillows off him. "Brown?!"

"Good mornin' to you too," he said as he walked over and sat on my bed.

"Brown, get yo' nasty ass self up off my bed before I hurt you," I warned. He quickly got up and went to lean on my dresser. "What the hell are you doing down here? The 'Get-Together' isn't until two weeks."

"I know, but Maybe," he walked up and got closer to me. "You got some intruders in here. They sleepin' in yo' guest room. And you got three other kids sleepin' with Teresa."

"Brown, did you brush your teeth today?" he shook his head. "Did you even eat a mint?" he shook his head again.

"That's why yo' breath smell like some monkey ass in a can. You look like one too,"

"Nah, Maybel, I'm serious," he argued.

"Oh, I know these people in my house. What I want to know is how the hell did you get in?"

"I used the key I had from last time I came over,"

"When was that?"

"Last week."

"I oughta beat the black off-a you," I said as I raised my hand. He flinched in response. "Those were my keys! Do you know how long I had to keep comin' in through the windows?!" I stood up off my bed.

"You can't do that to an old lady, Brown! I got arthritis," I made my breathing dramatic from remembering all the times I had to climb through the window just to get some money from my purse.

"It don't show when you runnin' from the cops," he replied.

"That's a whole 'nother situation."

"Who those people, Maybel?"

"The Jacksons," I answered.

"Oooh, like Action Jackson?!" he just started jumping around like a fool. "Just be like..."

"No," I cut him off, "like Michael Jackson."

"Oooh, the singer? Maybel, you been the ones kidnapping these singers?! I nedda call the police!" Brown tried to run to my house phone, but I stopped him.

"No, fool!" I scolded him. "I'm protectin' him from the kidnapper. Hell, the way you dressed, you gon' attract too much attention and blow our cover. Leave." I ordered. I started pushing him towards the door. "And give me them damn keys back," I said as I snatched them from his hand.

"I'm just tryin' to watch my baby mama's back," he replied.

"Just get out," I said as I kicked him out of the threshold. I looked at the clock and it read 7:45 AM. "Everyone needa wake up," I said to myself as I went back upstairs. I opened Teresa's room door.

"GET UP! GET UP! GET UP BEFORE I GET YOU UP!" I shouted loudly into the room. They all started shuffling around. When Teresa sat up on her bed, I moved to the guest room and opened the door.

"Joe! Get the hell away from her, you wrinkly old perv," I scolded Joe. He was bending over and watching Lisa while she slept, that old fart. My voice made him, Lisa, and Michael jump up. He rushed out of the room as Lisa and Michael looked around worriedly.

"What's going on?" Lisa asked.

"I was protecting you from that brother of mine. Now please get up, it is 7:45," I said and began to walk away.

Hell, I need to get insurance; Gorilla-Bustin'-In-Yo'-Home Insurance and Old-Ass-Creepy-Man-Creepin'-On-Girls-Insurance...

Maybe a home and auto bundle from Progressive too...

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Author's Note: Sorry if it's not funny. Hey, I have an idea of doing an X-Men/Michael Jackson crossover. Would you guys check it out if I did publish it? Thanks for reading!