Time Shift

Unseen

Bjorn felt most peculiar, his head was heavy and he felt like he had weights on his eyelids, he could feel a crushing weight on his chest and he wasn't sure if his legs even existed and for the first time in his life he was truly frightened, he couldn't feel his arms and his voice wouldn't work for him to call for help, his heart felt like it was going to pound right out of his chest and he couldn't calm himself, he thought that he was going to die and yet he knew there was a reason he couldn't let that happen but he couldn't think what it was. All he knew was that he was terrified, the silence was too encompassing and he felt like his brain was short circuited, he didn't know how long he'd been here but it felt like forever, he heard the mumble of voices but he couldn't identify them and he was so tired, he needed someone, he knew he did but he couldn't remember who it was he wanted, it was too hard and he hurt so he didn't fight it when the darkness reclaimed him once more.
Bjorn was unwillingly dragged from that seemingly eternal darkness by a voice that he knew was the only one he'd wanted to hear and would always mean home to him, he realised that it was who he'd been wanting, he could hear her and he could smile that it would always be her that would bother him when he didn't want to be bothered, it was always her that made him feel things that he thought long gone, it would always be her that he loved, so of course it would follow that it would be her that broke this weird silence that he was in, of course it would be her that was his beacon in the darkness, of course it would be her disturbing his peace and of course it was her that would calm his terror. His Anna. He tried to respond to her but found that he still could not, he wanted to soothe her, he could hear her words, he wanted to say he was sorry for everything. He felt her hand slide into his and he felt her tears on his face, he felt her wipe them away and he heard her call him Hjartat, she hadn't called him that since they were married. He wanted to hold her hand back, he wanted to tell her he was there but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't make her realise. His heart broke as he heard her tell him she loved him and that he couldn't die now. He was furious with himself that he couldn't respond in kind,  he wanted to tell her that he loved her too but it was like he was in a maze and he could hear her but he kept taking the wrong turns and every time he opened his mouth to speak the words battering at his brain he couldn't make a sound, he was silently screaming constantly and his claustrophobia was overwhelming him.
He learned to listen for her voice, he learned to take comfort from it, he learned that when she came he felt better, he could stop listening to the silence and listen to her. He listened to her rambling memories, he listened to her mumbling that it didn't matter what she said because he'd never know she was here, he'd cried for them both when she professed her love for him over and over again. He learnt her secrets and he'd gloried in them vowing that he would make her listen. He'd wait for her to snuggle into his side, she always did. He could feel her weight he just wished he could make his arms work for he knew if he could he would never let her go again, he'd listened and remembered as she'd relived their Copenhagen trip and he'd never been so grateful that they'd both been brave and taken those few days for themselves, his brain wouldn't let him remember how long ago that had been or why they'd stopped. He couldn't imagine a good enough reason for them to be apart. He loved her more again when she took care of him, she talked to him just like he was sat with her, he knew when she was washing his face and putting cream on for him, he knew when it was her and when it was the nurses, he could feel the love in her touch, he recognised the aftershave she put on for him, he'd worn it for years until he'd married Lena. Sometimes he relaxed when she was there, safe in the knowledge that she would bring him back and he almost felt like it was normal sleep and he 'woke up' feeling better. He appreciated her dedication to his exercises and marvelled at her still knowing him so well, his physical wellbeing had always been very important to him, he'd listened as she'd fought with the nurses and stood by what he would want. He admired her tenacity and wondered endlessly why she didn't give up on him, he dreaded the day when she did not come anymore and he would not be able to do anything about it, he hated it when she left but he gradually worked out the rhythm of his time. His children came at a different time to Anna, they all came often he thought and he loved listening to them chat to him about anything and everything and he could feel that his mind was clearing slowly but surely, he hadn't realised how much he was loved, he listened to many conversations between his girls Emma and Anna as they discussed Lena and why she didn't come, he was sad to hear them say they should have divorced decades ago but not because they weren't right, he was sad that even they could see it and he was sad that he'd been so stubborn. He kept going over and over it in his head why he hadn't ended it with Lena and he genuinely didn't know why, he knew from listening to Emma, Anna and Linda that she had not been and he was glad that she hadn't been but that told him everything he needed to know, if he ever got out of this he'd do something about it but for now he was happy here. He had his perfect life here, no difficult decisions, his Anna came every day he thought and he knew she would stop as soon as he woke up, he didn't want that, he wanted her to stay with him.
When she came this time he smelled her perfume and she played the music of their youth, not her or Abba, the stuff they danced to, made love to, laughed and cried with. She cared for him and then the bit he loved best she got onto the bed with him and tucked herself into him but this time she had something to say "Bjorn baby, you have to wake up, I know you're there my darling. It's been 7 weeks since your car accident" His mind clicked another piece into place as he remembered what had happened, he'd forgotten the car accident and the memories stripped away another layer of fog, he also remembered that he'd been thinking of her when the lorry hit. That's why he was here, he'd hit his head "I know you don't want me around you, you told me not to call and when you wake I'll go and you'll never know I was even here but Bjorn please fight. You have kids, grandchildren who love you, who need you and I love you, I'll always love you, I never stopped" she admitted tiredly "Bjorn I can't live if you're not alive and well somewhere. I don't care that you don't love me anymore, I just want you to live and I promise I'll never bother you again. That's how much I love you" he felt her tears soak his pajama top and he'd never felt so helpless in all his life, she'd got it all wrong, she was wrong. He did love her, he was the one who'd got it all wrong, how had he allowed her to think that he didn't love her, he couldn't comprehend his actions and eventually it was his emotions that found the crack in his coma mask. A tear tracked it's silent way down his cheek unseen.