Time Shift

The Story We Started

Her legs went from under her but Bjorn wasn't ready, with his weaker leg he couldn't hold her so they both went crashing down into the flowerbed. Her arms went round his neck in a strangle hold and her sobbing intensified, his heart softened as he recognised she was out of control and it was stored up fright, grief and total relief that he was here causing this meltdown. He moved until he was leaning on the wall and then wrapped himself right around her as she cried. He held her tightly until she'd worn herself out and she was just hiccuping. When he thought she was done he brushed her hair out of her eyes "OK?" he asked softly "Nooo" she wailed "You're walking and standing. Bjorn I thought you were going to die" "but I didn't Anna" he whispered reassuringly "but it was weeks Bjorn, weeks!!"she rambled "I know but I'm here now and you and I are going to talk" she burst into tears anew "I don't want to talk, I've never been so scared in my life. What the hell do you think I'm going to do without you?" she hit his chest furiously "What's wrong with you?" He caught her hands "Well if you stop hitting me, I'll tell you" he grinned at her secure and delighted with her reaction to him. "I hate you!" she grumbled "You don't, I heard everything Anna darling and without you I wouldn't have lived" "I do, I hate you" she snuggled further into his chest and sniffed. Bjorn pulled her out of his chest "You don't Anna, you know it and I know it. Can we get up baby my leg hurts" she scrambled up at speed "I'm sorry, you're sat in my flowerbed" her lips twitched "I know" he laughed ruefully "you caught me off balance." he reached out a hand and she helped him to his feet, she didn't let go of his hand and he felt her thumb rub slow circles on his hand "I don't hate you" she mumbled "but you drive me mad" "I know that too but I'm going to talk for a while and you will listen without hitting me" he caught her hand gently in mid swing "this is important Anna for both of us. I'd take you for a walk but I can't walk very far yet so indoors it'll have to be" He picked up his cane and clomped back up the steps and asked "where do you want to sit? This is going to take a while" she sent him a confused look "sunroom" and she pointed him in the right direction "do we need...." she started "no not now Anna I just need you" he settled himself on the sofa and tugged her down next to him, he took his jacket off and pulled her into him and sighed as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head "I don't really know where to start Anna and its all going to get a bit muddled but I love your bones too, let's start with that" he smiled gently as he felt her startle "You heard me say that?" she whispered "I did, I heard everything you said and I've never been so frustrated or grateful in my life. In the early days I couldn't respond and later on I didn't try for a while, I was so happy with you and I thought it was the only way we could be together. You wouldn't leave me and I wanted to listen to you for the rest of my life. You dragged me out of the darkness Anna, I was terrified and you were, ARE my guiding light"
He grasped her chin gently and made her look at him "I promised myself if I got out of it alive we would talk, we would sort out our stupid issues and that I would tell you that I loved you and I always have." her blue eyes filled with tears again "You're just saying that, I don't need your pity" she told him "No you don't" he agreed "You need my love and you need me" she opened her mouth to argue with him but he hushed her with his finger to her lips "let me finish, when I was on that motorway I was thinking of you and remembering Copenhagen, wondering how I let you slip through my fingers countless times over the years because I sure as hell need you and I need your love. I realised lying there not able to do anything that you're all I want, all I've ever wanted and life is too short to be stubborn. I want you to call Christian and ask what I said to him on the phone that night in the car and the last thing I remember as I watched the lorry sliding towards me is asking you to forgive me" Anna got up out of the sofa and started pacing the room haphazardly "that's impossible, it can't be true. God I'm as crazy as they say" she looked straight at him shook her head and continued mumbling "I doubt that very much" Bjorn said softly "care to share? We are going to come out of this with no secrets Anna, not from each other" "You won't believe me" she mumbled, he sat back and folded his arms "Try me" he told her gently "I knew before Linda called that something was wrong with you. I had a hideous dream that made me throw up, I dreamt you were calling for me and I couldn't get to you. I did try, god I tried and when you disappeared I heard you say forgive me Anna . I was already up trying to calm my mind when Linda called to say you'd been in a crash. I already knew" Bjorn got up "Stands to reason really doesn't it, even after all these years we're still connected" he wrapped his arms around her "You believe me?"she asked wonderingly "I do Anna" he reassured her "I don't need to call Christian, just tell me what you said to him" she asked. "I told him to hold onto Isabelle and never let her go if he truly loved her. I told him not to make the same mistakes I did, that I would pay for letting you go for the rest of my life and to tell you I was sorry" his arms tightened around her "and I AM sorry, its not a big enough word really but I can't think of another. Can we sit? My leg aches" he grumbled. Anna fussed around him guiltily, propped his leg up on the pouffe and despite his protests went to get him some painkillers and made them tea, she bought cake as well and Bjorn was delighted. He took the painkillers and returned to their conversation "I owe you a million apologies Anna but I'll start with the most pressing ones. I had forgotten until I was in the coma that you'd called me years ago, we touched on it in Copenhagen but we both got distracted for the best of reasons" he grinned at her and winked and her tummy flip flopped the way it always had with him she blushed but smiled back "Anna I never meant for you not to call me at all baby, I know Lena is awkward to say the least but that day she was terrible, I do remember it now. She'd just been diagnosed with cancer and we were fighting. You just called at the wrong time, not your fault and I didn't mean to scare you off. I know you thought I meant never again but I really didn't, then when you didn't call again I got stubborn and cold Anna. I didn't put the pieces together then, I'm sorry for that.
Losing you has made me cold but you told me you wouldn't let me get cold again" he met her eyes "you heard that as well?" he nodded "and you promised" he watched the smile bloom in her eyes "I did" she agreed "Anna I didn't know you were attacked until Christian yelled at me while I was in the coma and it's a long time ago now but I am fucking sorry I didn't help you. I would have done, I'd have killed whoever did it. Was it bad?" "bad enough" but when she didn't meet his eyes he knew it had been bad, really bad "it's what really drove you to hide yourself here isn't it?" "I'm not hiding" she snapped defensively "I'm safe here, it's quiet, it's familiar. Everyone knows I'm here, I'm not hiding" "Wrong choice of words" he mumbled placatingly "I'm sorry" she sighed "no I'm sorry, you said no secrets. It did start off as hiding, then it became a habit because it was safe and quiet, the world is too loud for me but I came out for you" she defended "I'm scared of the dark, I haven't driven alone at night for years and I hate hospitals" she shuddered "yes you did because you love my bones and I'm speechlessly grateful that you do. Anna, if you hadn't come for me I would have died of that there is no question. I had nothing to come back for but then you came and I wanted you. When Christian was yelling at me he said if I loved you I had to wake up because he couldn't stand to lose you as well, he said if I loved you I had to open my eyes and come and get you. I wanted to stay sleeping so I could listen to you with me for the rest of my days, I thought it was the only way you'd have me, the only way we could be together" "You stayed sleeping deliberately?" she gasped "well I wouldn't say it was deliberate exactly but I didn't fight until I heard you say you'd leave me alone because you thought you were holding me back and then you said you'd never give up on me, I remembered you saying that you'd take whatever I could give you" he gave her a lopsided smile "and I thought I can't give her much sleeping can I, Christian said I'd given you nothing in return and I didn't want you to leave me alone so here I am" "You weren't supposed to know I was ever there Bjorn, I just needed to help. I needed to be with you for a while in case you died. I never meant for you to know. As far as I knew you didn't want me around you" she told him honestly "Well now you know you were wrong don't you" he said firmly.
He looked suddenly vulnerable but ploughed on "Just me, I want to give you me if you'll have me back. I want you to finish the Copenhagen story, I've missed so many years and I'm sorry for that too, I just didn't think it was fair to you with Lena as she is, I'm not worth that strain"
"Bjorn that was not only your decision to make, it was mine too. You should have discussed it with me before deciding that I wouldn't want you" Anna told him gently "An affair Anna??" he asked surprised "you'd have been OK with it?" "yes but only because it's you" Anna admitted quietly "it's different because it's you. It's so wrong for me to say that but it's true" she smiled at him "I better get used to it hadn't I? I said I'd take whatever you can give me and I will. I'd rather have some time with you than none." she clambered onto his lap "I don't hate you, I love your bones" "what about the rest of me?" he demanded "yeah I love that too but we have to be careful" she giggled "who'd have thought hmm? Me being the other woman but now I've nearly lost you and I realise how it'll feel I'll take you on" Bjorn wilted with relief and he leaned forward and kissed her gently then frowned as her words flashed across his mind. He pulled his lips away from hers and said "An affair Anna? I don't want a bloody affair with you I...." too late she was gone, off his lap like a flash and leaving him. This time he wouldn't let her go like he did before and he chased her into the kitchen to find her in floods of tears trying to get out of the back door, he swiftly blocked it with his body weight "let me go" she sobbed "I knew it was too good to be true. Why did you come? I've kept you alive for her" she spat "No Anna. I won't let you go, not this time. Never again" he shook her roughly "I fucking love you and I didn't fight for you 30 odd years ago but I am now. Will you LISTEN?" he roared and it shocked them both into silence "I love you" he yelled into the silence "I love you" he said again in a gentler tone "and I'll keep on telling you until you listen" he was holding her tightly to stop her escaping him and he could feel her heart hammering and her chest heaving "Anna be calm, it's just me" "but you said you didn't want me" she wailed "No Anna I said I didn't want an affair with you. You don't deserve that and neither do I. Both of us have to learn to listen baby. Me too" he told her "this was one of our problems before and we have to stop and learn from it so this will work" he winced at the stabbing pain in his leg "Anna I can't stand for long like this, I'm hurting" he took a deep breath "Anna I don't want an affair with you because I want to be with you all the time. I want to hold your hand all the time, in public too. I want to sleep with you every single night and I want your face to be the first thing that I see when I wake up in the morning. I don't want an affair with you because you aren't to be hidden away. I love you and I'm proud of you. I don't want an affair with you because I want to belong to you and I want to shout it to the world. If you don't want to marry me I can live with it but I'll never stop asking. I don't want an affair with you baby because I want to share every bit of your life and I want to share MY life with you. I'm so grateful that you love me enough to have an affair with me when I know it goes against everything you believe in but I choose you Anna." He sank to the floor exhausted and hurting and Anna was dumbfounded "but what about Lena? Emma? Anna?" she sank to her knees next to him "I put in for divorce from Lena before I even got out of hospital" he sighed tiredly "the girls think I should have done it years ago and I know that she left me to die but I can't offer you more than me, she'll probably clean me out and I'll be a charity case. It's not the greatest deal I know, a grumpy 67 year old with a busted leg who can't remember fuck all but I do remember that I love you. I don't know if it's enough for you but I'm trying baby, I wanted to show you I'd made changes" For once Anna wasn't in tears, she wanted to remember every single second of this and so sat on a muddy scratchy doormat with smelly boots all around them came their first steps into a new future "and I'm moody, impetuous and fly off the handle so I'm not a great deal either but I can remember stuff for both of us, I don't want your money and I love you too. I'm sorry I misunderstood. I'm sorry that I made you chase me. Yes I'd have an affair with you and yes if you can cope with me I'll have you for the rest of my life" she took a deep breath "You'll always be enough for me Bjorn, you always have been and if you don't want to divorce Lena for financial reasons it's fine with me" she told him earnestly "well it isn't fine with me baby. I want to be a free man when I ask you to marry me. Money doesn't matter, we do" he told her firmly "Can I get off the doormat now? I've got arse ache" he grumbled she laughed until she cried and cupped his face in both her hands and made him meet her eyes "in answer to your question I absolutely, totally forgive you. Will you forgive my stubborn temper? My mistakes? I never meant any of it" his hand come up to stroke her hair out of her eyes "thank you, if you need to hear the words I forgive you but for us there's nothing to forgive anymore" he said softly she kissed him gently and they both struggled up and made it back to the sun room and they settled onto the sofa just like they used to. Bjorn closed his eyes and said contentedly "Finish the Copenhagen story baby" she grinned and said "if I do, you owe me" "I know, I heard you telling me you were in a state" Anna blushed crimson and grumbled laughingly "of course you heard that too" "If you're a good girl and you tell the story I can promise I'll pay my debts" Bjorn said roughly and linked his fingers with hers and settled down. Anna did as he said...." I'll finish the story we started then"