WHY..? -Sanders Sides

Chapter 2, Every day..

His eye lay heavy, thick black eyelashes tangling together with each slow blink, arms crossed over his chest and postured slightly slumped. In a way of not over advertising what was happening, Thomas had summoned each of the light sides and he was stood in the background as Roman and Logan bickered between one another, him and Virgil however just watching it go back and fourth as Thomas sighed, running a hand through his hair in annoyance.

"Do they like- never stop fighting? I honestly don't need this right now.." The tired voice of the male causing Patton and Virgil to look up at him in silent agreement. Vigil sighing as he hesitantly spoke, in reply, Patton's eyes following each of them as he wordlessly stood listening to everything go on around him, but not really.. Feeling like it if that made sense.

His body slowly rocking on the balls of his feet as he let his mind blank out hiss own thoughts, body soon standing still without a sign of life to him as he stared forward, face painted stoic and emotionless, his fingers softly holding onto the sleeves of his hoodie as Virgil soon noticed the other, along with Thomas. 

"Patt? You okay there..?" 

He of course didn't respond, taking a few minutes in silence before sinking down and leaving the room without a word, Virgil hesitating before following after him, entranced with worry. Thomas gulped, anxiously glancing at the bickering two, not knowing what to do.

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It didn't take long for the anxiety based male to find Patton, the boy sniffling as he was curled up in a ball in the kitchen, back against the wall and arms tightly hugging his knees to his chest as his body quivered, Virgil slowly walking up to him, Patton flinching as the boy knelt down in front of him, gulping as he nervously looked over him; taking a minute as he stayed quiet before hearing the shaky breaths of the older.

"Hey dad.. I'm here to help you.. can you try and take a deep inhale..?" Patton weakly obeying as he nodded, trying his best to do so, before choking on a sob and whimpering, Virgil taking a deep exaggerated breath himself in attempt to help, his eyes settling on Patton as he knew what the situation was, Patton shaking as he ran his fingers through his messy hair, tugging tightly.

"Okay.. okay- can you try and think of 5 things you can see..? Patton weakly nodded, closing his glossy eyes tightly as he curled back into himself, Virgil shakily gulping. "You've got this.. i know it's scary.. but you can do it.. 4 things you can touch.." He whimpered, shakily loosening his hold on his hair as his breathing slightly slowed, Virgil letting him take his time before continuing. "3 things you can hear.." Patton gulping hesitantly as his eyes slowly cracked open, stray tears falling down his cheeks as Virgil gently wiped them away with his thumb, the older flinching lightly before slowly relaxing at his soft and gentle touch. "Two things you can smell.." He nodded, taking a deep breath before shakily pushing himself into Virgil's arms, clinging onto him tightly.

The younger gently rocking him in his arms as Patton rested his head on his shoulder, sniffling lightly as Virgil gently kissed the top of his head, letting him take his time to calm down. Well.. until one of the dark sides showed up, Remus walking into the kitchen, stopping at the sight of them, Virgil gently rubbing soft circles on Patton's back.

"Is daddy okay?"

"Don't call him that.. he just needs some time and I'm sure he'll be fine.."

"What happened to daddy?" Of course, he didn't listen to a word the former dark side said, plopping down on the floor beside them, glancing over at Patton as he hid his face in the crook of Virgil's neck, sniffling softly. "He had a panic attack.. i have no idea why, but he just needs time to calm down.." Remus slowly nodded, confusion clear over his features as Virgil sighed. 

"Panic attack, like when someone can't breathe..?" Remus slowly nodding as a small 'Oooh' left his parted lips like a confused child before standing up and walking over to the fridge. "What are you doing..?" The deodorant eating male shrugged lightly glancing back at him. "I'm hungry, why? Am i not allowed to eat anymore, how dare you-!" He held a hand to his chest in a dramatic usage of fake offence.

 "I- after what i just told you- you know what, do what you want, just don't set the place on fire, I'm taking Patton to his room." Remus hummed softly in answer as he watched Virgil carried Patton to the door being cut off by Remus. "Use protection-!"

"I hate you!"

"I love you too Virge-!"

The younger rolled his eyes, gently carrying Patton to his room, ignoring the rest of Remus' shouts to him from the kitchen, softly sitting him on his own bed as he sat beside him, sighing lightly. "Would you like to talk about.. it..?" The older sighing as he shrugged, not really wanting to do so, his usually bright room slightly dimmer, a single piece of wallpaper hanging down from the ceiling.

"Was it something someone said, dad..?" He knew how sensitive the blue clad male was,but he had never seen him react like that before.. out of everyone, he was sure he was the only one who ever had them.. Panic attacks i mean, as he glanced over at Patton expecting an answer, just to get a wordless shake of the head as a no, then a small nod before a no again. Like he was debating with himself as he shrugged weakly.

Patton knew he had been dealing with some things like every human being and really didn't sleep much last night.. Maybe he just needed a little me time, maybe just a little free time,
Little break from the shows..?
Last night he had a breakdown, thoughts telling him he was lost.. getting too loud maybe..
He started thinking maybe he should take a new route, clean up the yard, get the noose out, hang up his heart, let it air out.. 

Looking at the crowd and to see so many faces.. it taunted him.. That's when he started to get anxious..
That's when his thoughts were dangerous, and that's when he put on his makeup and drowned in self-hatred.. after all, it was known; All the makeup in the world won't make you any less insecure..

He just wanted to be okay..