Around My Heart In 80 Days.

Chapter 6

 HEY guys! Sorry for the extremely long wait! I have not been able to write in weeks! i dont know why i just couldnt! but i finished this chapter today and i hope you like it! thanks for all the feedback it helps a lot!! enjoy xoxo

Chapter 6

Louis' POV

Just when I thought I could make nothing worse. I didn't think I could make it any more awkward. But apparently I did. I made him cry for fucks sake. What is wrong with me? I hate him for feeling this way about me. I hate myself for allowing him to feel this way. But that's nothing new I've always hated myself. I'm the reason everything wrong happens. Since the day I could talk I was told I was the reason for everyone else's problems and me being born negatively affected everyone. I roll over on the couch to stare up at the ceiling. Its getting dark outside as the sun sets. We ended up just having room service for dinner because I didn't feel like getting up. Now I'm on the couch waiting for sleep and letting my thoughts wander.

I'm sitting on the curb outside of my house. No one else is around and I feel lost. I can smell blood coming from somewhere but I don't see anyone else. I look down at my hands and see there covered in a sticky red. A red that is dripping from the deep gashes in my wrists. I just stare at it as the crimson liquid pours from the cuts. I look back up and see a tall figure on the other side of the street. His curly brown hair flowing in the breeze.

"Harry!" I shout out. He looks over at me and starts walking toward me. He smiles widely at me and I smile back. He stands in front of me and looks down.

"Oh my god Louis why would you do that? That's disgusting," he says. Tears start to boil in my eyes. Of all people I thought he would understand.

"You are a freak! Your mother is going to be so upset with you!" he says sternly. I stare confusedly at him. I've heard that before but not from Harry. The thought sends chills down my spine. The person who used to say that to me was not Harry. It was Him. He used to say that to me every time I messed up.

"Aw Lou what happened?" Harry's voice rings. The person in front of me is a mix between Harry and Him. They’re both fighting to get to the surface.

"I don't know Haz! I haven't cut in so long I don't know what's happening to me!" I cry.

"I know! It's because you’re a little pussy that can't fight his own battles. Your just a mamas boy and a little flaming queer," His voice rings.

"That's not true!" I fight back.

"It's not! So you've never ever been attracted to boys? Odd, that's not what your mother told me," he grins cruelly.

"You leave my mother out of this! It's not her fault she brought in white trash like you!" I scream. Harry's warm eyes are back and he frowns.

"So your not attracted to me Lou?" he asks.

"What?! I never said that! I just-"

"So you are a little fag!" His voice spits coldly. My body gets a weird burning sensation and I fall to the sidewalk. Harry's soft expression is back and he kneels beside me.

"Lou, what's wrong? You have to tell me! I can't help you unless you tell me!" he pleads.

"I can't!" I cry and a pain ripples through my body. I feel like I've been beaten and all the old cuts and bruises are resurfacing.

"Fine then Lou I'll just leave then," Harry says and gets up.

"No!! Please stay," I cry.

"Why should I? You don't like me like I like you, what's the point?" he says sadly.

"I can try! Just don't leave!" I plead. He turns back and kneels down beside me again. He lowers his face over mine and kisses me. The pain in my body rushes away as his soft lips touch mine. Moving gently together. When he pulls away all the pain comes back and he stands up with the unnatural cruel glint in his eye.

"See you are just some worthless fag," the cold voice shrieks and he walks away.

"Harry what the hell?!" I scream.

"Don't let Him do this anymore! I can't take it." With each word a new seeping cut forms on my forearm. I watch Harry as he disappears out of sight and my vision fades. Blackness surrounds me and I try to fight it but fail.

My eyes snap open and I bolt upward on the couch. An unsettling sound escapes my throat and the sweat pours down my face. I quickly lift up my arms and am relieved when there's no blood on them. Just the old faded scars. I cringe at the thought. I get up off the couch and quietly walk over to the window. The moon is high in the sky and the streets are empty with just a few cars passing. I open the window all the way without waking Harry and climb out of it. My head is screaming you're going to die but it is also realizing how beautiful it is out here. I perch myself on the ledge with my bare feet dangling down over the city. The cool air chills my skin. I look around me at the city and collect my thoughts. Why do I have to have nightmares? They’re so inconvenient. Not that it helps the He's always in them. And apparently Harry now too. That dream was the worst one I've ever had I think. Harry like me? He can't though! It doesn't make sense I'm such an ass, and he knows I'm straight. My mother thought I was gay but I reassured her I wasn't okay! It's not my fault she told Him and now I'll be permanently tormented for life with scars to remind me of it. That even if I were gay he would kill me before I even had the chance to explain. That's why I'm straight of course. And Harry he needs to man up and stop liking me. It's as simple as that. He'll never know me; he'll never understand me.

"What the hell Lou?!" An oh too familiar voice rings. I grab onto the ledge to prevent my self from falling off in fright.

"Are you trying to kill me Harry?" I ask.

"No, but are you! Why are you sitting in the window?" he asks.

"Because I'm comfortable okay?" I say annoyed.

"Sure, but why are you awake at least?" he asks.

"Because of you! That's why!" I snap.

"Me? What did I do?" he asks confused.

"You don't understand! Nobody understands okay?" I cry and swing my legs back into the room. I walk past Harry and over to the door. I grab my sweater and walk out the door sprinting down the hall.

"Louis! Wait!" Harry's cries fill the hall but I don't stop. I walk until I'm outside, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, alone. The unfamiliar road ahead of me and only the dim streetlight to guide me. I stop and look around at the new scene in front of me.  

I have no clue where I am or how to get back. Great, Louis Tomlinson fucks up again, what a surprise.

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