M For Moscow

28 | secret love affair

"What in the heavens are you four doing?" My mother asked mid-way grinning.

It was her reserved-for-family smile because it showed her missing bottom tooth and way too many wrinkles to count.

The boys scrambled off of me and formed a straight line in front of her. I, on the other hand, propped up my elbow to watch while still sprawled on the floor.

I'd expected her to take out the belt for goofing around and start whipping from left to right but then she did the weirdest thing: she opened her arms.

I suspected it was the jet-lag that was getting to my brain and causing hallucinations but here was my mum, bending over to coddle her three sons when there was a point in time she almost paid another woman to breastfeed them.

Being shocked was an understatement; I was freaking thunderstruck.

I slowly rose to my feet, afraid of what other lovable things my mother was capable of doing. Where was the woman that once told her to go across the street and buy a pack of cigarettes at age twelve? Or the woman who traumatised my cat into never coming home by putting him in the washing machine for a 'spin'?

Then, she did the second most outrageous thing of the day and mind you, I had just seen the condom.

She opened her arms to me.

Maybe it was a trick. She'd pull me into her arms and then right after, she'd take the bamboo stick and smack two distinctive red lines across my face.

Somehow, even with my cautious side saying no, a part of me wanted to believe she had changed. If not for me then for my brothers.

I entered her arms, feeling a strange sort of warmth glow inside me. One I had never felt before, not even when Luka and I cuddled to sleep. It was the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle, the last circle or cross in tic-tac-toe, the 'I' to complete the word BINGO.

It was everything to make me feel safe, to make me forget about the article and Karina's boiling thirst for revenge, to make me wish I had never left for Moscow in the first place.

***

I had waited a good half an hour after my mother tucked the boys in to come knocking at her room from the spare bed in the living room.

When no one answered from inside, I decided to peep through to be sure. I hissed her name and there was still no reply.

To save electricity for money, the apartment was completely dark. The only stream of lights coming in were the cars passing by every ten minutes but even that was short-lived because of the drifting. I unplugged my phone from the charger and switched on flashlight, slowly making my way to the kitchen that connected to the fire escape.

It had a little balcony to the left right after it broke off into steps where on lonely school nights, I'd usually find my mother there hugging a cigarette.

Only this time, she was there but the nasty old habit wasn't.

"Hey, Mum." I greeted, careful not to spook her off the railing.

It was coming February now but there were still fresh snow on the ground and mist escaping my lips. I wrapped my cardigan twice over.

"Anya." she acknowledged with a smile. She had her hands a little ways open but I didn't go into it this time.

Instead, if things couldn't get more awkward, I asked if we could talk. About the condom and panty, of course, and not the miscellaneous activities in my day-to-day life, such as being mauled over by a sociopath whose career I helped ruined — although requested by Luka.

When my mother nodded her head, I caught sight of the twinkle of fear in her eyes that I had never seen before. I didn't know how else to soften the blow with what I was going to say next so I just did it in a quick, somewhat less painful go.

"The boys found your condom!" I accidentally shrieked the last part in disgust, closing my eyes briefly just in case she so happened to have the whip in hand.

My mother only blinked momentarily at me as if in a faze. I looked down below to Mr. Ivanov's loft, found relief in the fact that his lights were off and looked back to my mother, who had gone insanely pale.

Was this a symptom of a heart attack? Did I cause my mother to go into cardiac arrest?

I always thought I was the main source of her stress but I'd never imagine to the point of it killing her.

"M-Mum?" I called, reaching slowly to touch her arm.

I'd only grazed it when she suddenly snapped her attention to me.

Her shoulders tensed, her lips wobbled and there was a crease in her forehead that only ever appeared when she was on the higher levels of stress.

"I'm sorry." she said before bursting into tears.

Shit.

I was definitely not equipped to handle crying.

"I know your father and I never married but it still feels like I'm cheating. Not on him but on you guys."

I wasn't totally sure if that was the right word to use, however, I decided not to question a crying woman and her vocabulary choices. Instead, I patted her awkwardly on the back.

We were now overlooking the roads below, hands gripped onto the railing for support. Our apartment building had a nice view of a church and a park from the front but the back was a totally different outlook. One I didn't fancy describing.

"Who is it?" I asked, almost immune to her sobs. Maybe I did have a heart, just not for my mother.

She turned her head slowly towards me, swallowing a ball of saliva before she reopened her mouth.

"Please don't be mad, Anya."

"Why would I be—"

"It's Maxim, Maxim Ivanov."

***

The identity of her mother's secret love affair is finally revealed and it's no one other than Mr. Ivanov!

I told you he and his son would make a comeback later in the story :)

I'm really happy with how this book is turning out. Hope you guys like it, too, and if you do, don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts!

Lots of love,
Mel