M For Moscow

35 | the trial

But he was not.

When I arrived at Luka's suite, dark-eyed, smelly and exhausted from the plane rides over, all I wanted was to take a shower and crawl into bed with him.

The only thing missing was, well, him.

I checked all the rooms, hoping to surprise him from the back, but he was nowhere to be found. I swiped my phone out of my coat's pocket and dialled his number, letting it ring until it reached voicemail.

"Hey, it's me. I was wondering where you are at at the moment. When you're free, call me back. Bye."

It didn't feel right saying 'I love you' on a voicemail.

I decided to leave my clothes in the bag and only grab what was necessary into the bathroom with me, like my big bag of cosmetics. I walked over to the sink. As I was about to open the cupboard behind the mirror, I stopped.

What if I found condoms in there? Or worse, what if I found earrings that weren't mine?

I let my mind scamper around before sucking in a deep breath and facing my fears by pulling on the handle. Without exhaling, I scanned the rows.

Shaver, shaving cream, sunscreen, moisturiser, face scrub... all things ordinary until I got to the last shelf where my things were replaced with quite a number of pill bottles.

I picked up a dark brown one, reading the label.

20mg Flouxetine

I picked up another, a white capped with an orange tint.

10mg Alprazolam

Then, a completely white one tucked away behind the paracetamol tablets.

10mg Diazepam

These were all antidepressants or anti-stress medication.

I had no idea he was taking these.

I dropped underneath the sink, leaning against the cold white tiles with the pill bottles in my hand. I read the labels over and over again because I didn't get it.

If this was so hard on him, why didn't he tell me?

I would've understood. I would've understood that going against your sister was hard and what was even harder was sending her to jail.

If he had told me, I would've understood.

I sat on the floor for a passing hour, flowing in and out of a reality and a couple of times falling asleep, too. That was why I missed the text Luka had sent me twenty minutes ago.

I'm at the courthouse. Karina's trial is in half an hour. What's up?

Karina's trial.

Holy shit, it was today.

I had to be there.

In the same clothes I'd worn since the plane, I ran out of the hotel room, pushed the buttons frantically
on the elevator and hailed the nearest cab outside.

The courthouse was where all criminals, including petty theft and jumped-the-turnstiles-goers go to. It was also the biggest courthouse in Russia and a half an hour away from where we lived.