Electric Love

chapter Eleven

I made the short distance back to his office without making a sound, too afraid my voice would give away just how terrified I was to be around him in that moment. Still, I was pretty sure he noticed so my efforts must not have been all the great. I entered the office with him trailing behind me, and my blood was pumping so loud in my ears that I was sure he could hear it, as could the bodyguard outside the door. My heart thumped erratically in my chest, and I felt like it was going to burst out of me and land with a wet 'thud' on the ground before us. I tried deep breaths and counting to ten in an attempt to calm my nerves, but nothing worked.

Now I could really use a cigarette in the worst way.. I can't deal with this shit.

Kaine encircled my wrist gently in his grasp and spun me around to look at him. I wanted to be brave, I wanted to be strong. I wanted to pretend that I wasn’t seconds away from pissing down my leg. I wanted to look him dead in the eyes, with my chin held high and act like his words hadn’t affected me, but I couldn’t bring myself to lift my gaze from my feet. I couldn’t look into those green eyes that had held me captive, the green orbs that made my knees weak and created a mess between my legs in the hours leading us up to the moment that we walked back into his office. 

“Are you afraid of me now?”

I wasn’t all that surprised that he’d caught on so quickly but his stare, hard and searching, caused a small involuntary whimper to pass my lips. His eyes flashed with hurt but just as quick as it came, it was gone. I started doubting I’d even seen a different look other than the hard look he was still giving me, let alone a look of hurt. I was right to panic. That look alone had me on the verge of hyperventilating at its intensity. A panic attack would come on soon and I dreaded the idea of one happening in the same space as this man. I already looked weak enough to him and a panic attack would not help. I drew in a few more deep breaths, trying and failing to steady my nervous and frantic heartbeat. If i didn't calm down, that panic attack would come on even sooner.

“ Yes.. I am…Should I be? I-I-I mean do I have a reason to be scared? ” I whispered, cursing myself for sounding like the weak little girl I was inside.

I wanted to sound firm, hard, in control; I wanted to sound fearless, yet as the words left my lips I knew I sounded like the complete opposite of what I was going for. My voice had betrayed me  and I sounded just like some fragile little girl incapable of protecting herself. I had taken so many different self defense classes and I knew what I was capable of doing, despite the person my voice portrayed me as. I knew several ways to protect myself, but under his intense gaze all I could do was will myself not to cry. The silence of the room was deafening and I bit my  trembling lip as I fidgeted with my shaking hands. My knuckles burned in protest at the action, but I ignored it. He grasped my shoulders. He wasn't rough in doing so, yet his hold was firm; just enough to grab my attention. I let my hands fall to my sides, paralyzed. I was terrified of what could happen in the upcoming minutes. Regardless of what was to come, I drew in another calming breath before he began speaking. It was the only way I could brace myself for whatever came from Kaine's mouth next.

“No, I would never hurt you or any woman for that matter. I’m not a monster.. but I wasn’t going to let him get away with what he’d been doing. I’d been suspecting him for a while now, but I had no concrete proof of him doing anything for sure.. until tonight. I'm sorry your friend was his victim tonight and I’m sorry that scares you, but I'm not sorry for handling things the way I did. I just don’t want you to be afraid of me.” He trailed off, a sad look on his sharp, perfectly angled face. I wished we could turn back time and go back to a few hours ago when we were walking hand in hand down the strip. I wanted to go back to being in his warm embrace outside of my Jeep before we parted. Knowing what I know now about him, would I have still let him kiss me and accompany me on my shopping spree? “I’ll have someone take you and your friend home, let me just call my driver.  I’ll leave so you can have some space.” He murmured, turning on his heel and walking to the door once again. I was shocked that he was so willing to let us leave but I stayed reserved.