Doomed (Fransykes)

Fever Dream

Lock myself in the dark
Try to fake some security
Where the better things are
And my shadow can't follow me
Something's haunting me
Charades and fever dreams

I'm holding desperately to what's left of me before I fall apart
Searching for anything to fight these enemies
But my only enemy is in my heart
Losing friends as fast as I've been losing sleep
It's overcast and I'm always six feet deep inside my mind
So this is goodbye
Goodbye

~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~

"Well," the doctor spoke monotonously softly, eyes on the screen before he turned to face Ms Anne and Oliver. "It seems that on your left eye you have 0.75 of myopia and 1 of astigmatism and on your right eye you have 1.25 of myopia and 1.75 of astigmatism."

Oliver blinked, wondering what that was supposed to mean. He glanced at Ms Anne to see her nodding softly.

"He can see mainly because of his left eye," The doctor impressed something, handing it to Ms Anne. He began speaking to her things that Oliver couldn't be bothered to pay attention to.

After a while, they were out of the doctor's office and on the shopping, stopping to pick up some glasses to Oliver. They didn't speak much but Oliver was used to it. Ms Anne had been distancing herself and Oliver didn't really care. Well, he did but tried not to. He did feel a pang on his insides whenever she would flinch away from him or she would just seem so awkward with him around. He didn't understand what had happened to her to make her so fearful and even rejective of him, what he had done.

Oliver was pretty confused. The raging storm receding inside of him was overwhelming. There were so many feelings now - it wasn't just anger, numbness, fear and sadness anymore, there were more. He couldn't describe them. He felt happy from time to time, he felt comfortable occasionally, he felt safe.

Not always. It's not like suddenly he became someone else, it's not like his memories, his past changed and then he was just like everyone else. No, the reminders were still there, chanting at him every time he looked on the mirror or at his skin, the memories were as clear as the daylight when the nighttime came, Oliver's nightmares were still too real. But he was starting to learn to deal with them. Oliver began understanding that things wouldn't go back to be how they were before. And he never felt more at peace.

But there were downsides on it all. As he started to get comfortable, he realised that maybe he was getting too... Clingy. He was getting attached; to be shown affection and tenderness after an entire lifetime of it being so foreign, it was addictive. And it was affecting him how Ms Anne began showing him affection just so she could grow cold on him. He craved more, he craved much much more; to be treated with such tenderness, to be cared for, to feel cared for.

It's like he suddenly wasn't her grandson anymore, but rather a stranger. Of course, she still provided him with everything he needed, but it was as if suddenly she just... Lacked interest. And Oliver could feel it. It was hurtful. Maybe she didn't mean to hurt him or anything but he felt cold because of it. But oddly enough, it wasn't much since Joshua had started showing more affection towards him. It made him feel a little better but it also made him wonder if Joshua would do the same. Oliver wouldn't blame him if he did.

They both managed to finish picking the glasses and ordering the lenses pretty quickly, so they had to wait a week or so until it was done. Once everything was set, they went home, Oliver calling shotgun. It was mainly silent besides the radio. Until they were nearing the neighbourhood they lived in.