Doomed (Fransykes)

Nico And The Niners

They want to make you forget
They want to make you forget
Save your razorblades now, not yet
Save your razorblades now, not yet
°

What I say when I want to be enough
What a beautiful day for making a break for it
We'll find a way to pay for it
Maybe from all the money we made razorblade stores
Rent a racehorse and force a sponsor
And start a concert, a complete diversion
Start a mob and you can be quite certain
We'll win but not everyone will get out
No, no
We'll win but not everyone will get out
No, no
We'll win but not everyone will get out

~•°•~•°•~•°•~•°•~

Letting go was hard. As Joshua realised that at some point he would have to let go of Oliver, he felt awful. He didn't want to let go. Ever. But he still did. After a few heavy minutes of silence, still clutching Oliver so tightly, Joshua let go slowly, pulling back to look at Oliver with red-rimmed eyes, so pained and caring and even tired, but still somewhat reassuring. It was nice but it made Oliver pitiful. He didn't deserve Joshua.

Joshua sniffed, using his fist to clear his face before he exhaled, sniffing again.

"Oliver," Josh sighed weakly, still keeping him close. "Why?"

Oliver blinked out slowly, eyes casting down. There were many explanations but how was he supposed to tell them to Joshua? How to tell Joshua that he had lost himself unknowingly, that he had lost all hope, that nothing seemed certain anymore, that nothing seemed to matter anymore? How to tell Joshua that things had become too much, far more than Oliver could possibly handle? How to tell Joshua that he was ready for his sun but the sun had never shone before, tell him that the rain just kept pouring nonstop and that Oliver had soaked to the bone and more, so much that he couldn't breathe any longer?

His shoulders had dropped and his eyes had gotten heavy, so heavy and clouded that it made Josh ache again. Eyes so hopeless and empty, so forfeited and even dead. Josh breathed in, cupping Oliver's cheeks. So close that he could see every detail of the ocean, so close he could see every stripe of the forest. Soft brown stare filled with deep vulnerability and exposure, seeming so mindless over being so open in a way that got the blue gaze just as soft and vulnerable.

They stared. They studied and they took in every single detail and they engraved every little fragment deep into their memories.

Things were silent but at the same time, it didn't feel like. Something roared at them both but not in an intimidating way. So important to both and so silently loud. Like a secret.

Joshua rubbed his thumb down on Oliver's cheek before he exhaled.

"I... I came here to," Joshua spoke softly, gulping. "I wanted to ask you if you'd like to come with me to the carnival. Then maybe... Maybe after that, we can talk about... It?"

His eyes flickered off of Josh for a moment, taking in the fact that he was in the room, very much alive and not lost inside Josh's stare anymore. Oliver swallowed, nodding.

"Sounds," a whisper, so weak and worn out. "Sounds good," Oliver nodded again, eyes moving back to Joshua. The tiniest, saddest smile took over his lips and yet they seemed to give out something to Oliver. Joshua nodded too.

So exhausted. Both of them. Things were becoming too much and Joshua felt stupid for not seeing it before, although when he got his memories back he had lost part of what he knew of Oliver. It was something pretty heavy the fact that he was a child from the devil and Joshua wondered just how evil Oliver actually was.
As if he had dismissed the moments they had together. But those broken eyes showed him just how dangerous Oliver was.